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You are subscribed to Humor-Exprezz because of a request from you or someone impersonating your email address. If you would rather NOT be subscribed, you can send an email to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] with the email address you subscribed with. _______________________________________________ Attention Vioxx Users! Have you, a family member or someone you know or love been prescribed Vioxx and taken it for any length of time? You may be entitled to a minimum cash settlement between $100,000 & $300,000! Click here for more information on your legal rights! <a href=" http://a.websponsors.com/c/s=29539/c=50107/ "> aol</a> _____________ IN THE NEWS _____________ A burglar has been jailed after stealing an entire kitchen, including the sink, from an unoccupied house and installing it in his own home. Patrick Orkney used power tools to strip $30,000 worth of property from the house over a number of days, including the fitted kitchen, freezer and fridge, a dresser and carpets. The kitchen was later found fitted at Orkney's home in Gnaw Bone, Kentucky where a total of 84 items stolen from the house were discovered, said a sheriff's deputy. Woozy Rentals spokesperson Laura Stamen said, When I took a client to the house for a possible lease, we were shocked to see must of the kitchen missing." _______________________________________________ Hot Holiday Toy! Amazing Remote Control Hovercraft glides across ice, snow, water, and land all by remote control! Great Gift for Kids of ALL Ages! ON SALE NOW! <a href=" http://a.websponsors.com/c/s=29539/c=50153/ "> aol</a> _______________________________________________ TODAY'S TOONS: Jokeworm Pics <a href=" http://www.jokeworm.com/newcleanpics/ "> click</a> _______________________________________________ http://www.humor-exprezz.com _______________________________________________ DID YA KNOW OR DO YA CARE? Trix cereal is more than 46% sugar. _______________________________________________ Messages From GOD Brief (1 to 6 lines) Message that 'could' have come from GOD no matter what your concept of GOD may be. Sent nearly everyday [EMAIL PROTECTED] or http://rondout.us/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/messages _______________________________________________ My Cat's favorite Carols 1. The First Mewl 2. Fleas Navidad 3. Angels We Have Purred on High 4. A Stray in the Manger 5. Jingling Bells 6. I Saw Mommy Licking Santa Claws 7. Catnip Toys to the World 8. 'Twas the Nap Before Christmas 9. We Wish You A Furry Christmouse 10. Wreck the Halls 11. Up on the Mousetop 12. Have Yourself a Furry Little Christmas 13. Joy to the Curled 14. I Saw Mommy Hiss at Santa Claus 15. The First Meow 16. Oh, Come All Ye Dishful 17. Silent Mice, Yummy Mice 18. Fluffy the Snowman 19. Do You Smell What I Smell? 20. Oh Little Town Without Any Dogs _______________________________________________ Asked to write a composition entitled, "What I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving," little Timothy wrote, "I am thankful that I'm not a turkey." _______________________________________________ Grandpa wore a hearing aid that occasionally emitted a brief high-pitched sound that could be heard by anyone near him. One day his granddaughter was sitting on his lap when the device started to beep. Surprised, she looked up and said, "Grandpa, you've got email." _______________________________________________ A group of country neighbors wanted to get together on a regular basis and socialize. As a result, about 10 couples formed a dinner club and agreed to meet for dinner at a different neighbors' houses each month. Of course the lady of the house was to prepare the meal. When it came time for Don and Dawn Chassell to have the dinner at their house, like most women, Dawn wanted to outdo all the others and prepare a meal that was the best that any of them had ever lapped a lip over. A few days before the big event, Dawn got out her cook book and decided to have mushroom smothered steak. When she went to the store to buy some mushrooms, she found the price for a small can was more than she wanted to pay. She then told her husband, "We aren't going to have mushrooms because they are too expensive." He said, "Why don't you go down in the pasture and pick some of those mushrooms? There are plenty of them right in the creek bed." She said, "No, I don't want to do that, because I have heard that wild mushrooms are poison." He then said, "I don't think so. I see the varmints eating them all the time and it never has affected them." After thinking about this, Dawn decided to give this a try and got in the pickup and went down in the pasture and picked some. She brought the wild mushrooms back home and washed them, sliced and diced them to get them ready go over her smothered steak. Then she went out on the back porch and got Ol' Spot's (the yard dog) bowl and gave him a double handful. She even put some bacon grease on them to make them tasty. Ol' Spot didn't slow down until he had eaten every bite. All morning long Dawn watched him and the wild mushrooms didn't seem to affect him, so she decided to use them. The meal was a great success, and Dawn even hired a lady from town to come out and help her serve. She had on a white apron and a little cap on her head. It was first class. After everyone had finished they all began to kick back and relax and socialize. The men were visiting and the women started to gossip a bit. About this time the lady from town came in from the kitchen and whispered in Dawn's ear. She said, "Mrs. Chassel, Spot just died." With this news, Dawn went into hysterics. After she finally calmed down, she called the doctor and told him what had happened. The doctor said, "It's bad, but I think we can take care of it. I will call for an ambulance and I will be there as quick as I can get there. We will pump out everyone's stomach and everything will be fine. Just keep them all there and keep them calm." It wasn't long until they could hear the wail of the siren as the ambulance was coming down the road. When they got there, the EMTs got out with their suitcases and a stomach pump and the doctor arrived shortly thereafter. One by one they took each person into the master bedroom and pumped out their stomach. After the last one was finished, the doctor came out and said, I think everything will be fine now, and he left. They were all looking pretty peaked sitting around the living room, and about this time the town lady came in and said, "You know, that fellow that ran over Ol' Spot never even stopped." _______________________________________________ Humor-Exprezz may contain links to sites on the Internet which are owned and operated by third parties. We are not responsible for the availability of, and/or the content located on or through, any such third-party sites. All Content � By their Creators. Subscribe address.. [EMAIL PROTECTED] Unsub address ... [EMAIL PROTECTED] (`'�.�(`'�.� �.�'�) �.�'�) ��HumorExprezz`� (�.�'�(�.�'� `'�.�)`' �.�) �.�� ( `�.� `�.� ) �.�)� (.�� `*. *. 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