Continuing the further ad ventures of Knight Bronwyn ‘Blood’ Ulna - Princessa of all Egypt, Nile tributaries, delta, gamma, upsilon and that stuff, Chief Surgeon of France and Puglia, Atom Mother, Lead Guitarist in early Floyd and Dancer Experimental with the main Dead Heads, Lady Appleby in Westmorland, Best Clock Keeper at Windsor etc etc and her mate Leo of the Tongs and dancer also of the main Dead Head Road Crew... the story...
‘So what have you got for us today Sargent?’ B gazed at Leo’s tanned features and leaned nonchalantly against the tent pole. ‘Well for one I’ve got this’n here cowboy-outfit-gig chariot-shark-fin-jobby. ‘Tis a simple idea.’ L gestured across the yard. B followed his finger and her eyes landed on what looked alarmingly like a large heap of grated cheese. ‘What the hells that? Cheese for f’ sake! Where’s the cowboys and Indians, sharks and shit you promised?’ ‘Aha no, well you see you know how cheese is made from goats milk. Well when you put the milk in the bag what happens? It changes form. It becomes something else. I used this principle to construct my latest cart.’ And with that he pointed past the pile of cheese in question at a small silvery fishy shaped pointed cylinder. Upon which were attached what looked like fins, a fish tail and a few round windows. ‘What it is see, is a special one person travelling device. Looks at first like a fish right? But once in it when you activate the - I’m Changing form control - it does exactly that. It transcends its current rather fish-like form into a more radical shall we say, device. It turns into a super glob. Or a slinky gooey soft substance a bit like mashed up banana or more like half melted lime jelly. Then once it’s in the right state you can control it and move it about with the disk and stick that are in the cockpit. You have to spin the disk and brandish the stick at the goo, make it go where you tell it. So you have to be quite tough with it, strict rather. Let it know who’s boss and who’s really in control. Then it should and would actually start to move about, err in a pleasant way I’m hoping. You can tell it where to go, and how fast and if it hangs about, as I say, you have to get tough on its ass and even kick its ass. Make it go! Really shout at it, don’t hold back at all, in fact - don’t show any doubt - or fear. If it senses fear then I’m afraid I can’t be in any way responsible for the consequences.. if you get my drift’. Leo raised a rather pointed eyebrow and glanced at B. B straightened her tunic and hitched up her leggings and cocked her hat a bit like one of the market traders and met L’s gaze in a direct way. ‘no bother at all me old mate. Let’s get this hog on the tarmac, I’m right up for this pal I can tell yer that!!!’ She puffed out her cheeks, rolled onto the balls of her feet and then rocked back on her rather pretty heels and made a rude noise like a donkey braying in an Irish paddock waiting for its supper of bran mash and molasses. After the first trial in the craft she refused to ever get in it again and had to have all her hair shaved off and smelled like a sort of lime pudding mixed with... really strong vanilla incense and she felt dizzy and kept getting flashbacks and hearing voices calling to her from a far far distance... I thank thee for thine attentions, All the best, S Sent from my spyphone
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