Conceptual Realism Dominates Site No One Will Be Able to Use
Anyway
MADRID, SPAIN - The International Society of Cubists
officially launched its Web site today, a brilliant
rejection of natural form and perspective that
metaphysically establishes the implication of movement,
analytically redefines spatial relationships, and is an
absolute bitch to navigate.
"What the hell is this? I can't tell how to get anywhere,"
one of the site's first visitors told the Cubist Society's
Webmaster-Curator, Paulo Cassat. "Is this art, or is this a
Web site?"
"Thank you," Cassat responded.
According to Society President Francisco Bernioz, the group
launched the site to bring attention to Cubism, which was
founded in the early 20th Century by Pablo Picasso and
Georges Braque. The Society also hopes to establish a
scholarship fund for young cubist painters and sculptors.
However, at a public showing of the site here in Spain's
capital, most initial visitors were clearly uncomfortable
with the design, especially the artists the site intends to
help.
"This site is going to turn people off," complained one
young sculptor. "I mean, how do I get from the home page to,
say, the fundraising form?"
"You must be willing to abandon your pre-conceived notions
of traditional Web design," replied Bernioz, "and disregard
its nefarious standards of foreshortening, modeling, and
chiaroscuro (the distribution of light and shade)."
"Uh-huh. But how do I find the link?" the young man
persisted.
"You must embrace the idea that the link exists," said
Bernioz, "for once that idea is established, form itself can
be forgotten."
"You don't know where it is, do you?"
"Not specifically, no," Bernioz conceded. "It's there
somewhere. I think on a nonsequential parallel plane right
behind the polygonal search box."
The site -- digital graphics, text, and HTML on browser --
has fared no better with art critics, who immediately
accused the cubists of stealing the absurd navigation and
layout from MSNBC.com.
"Nothing can be said about the sea."
-- Mr Selvam, Akkrapattai, India 2004
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