It's odd, we find ourselves in dire straights and I was going to write something similar. My degree's in english, which has been useless all these years; Azure's is in environmental conservation from NYU (mine's from Brown). She hasn't been able to get work; I teach from time to time, part-time, and the stress is incredible; I think about suicide, running away with Azure, etc. etc. She has no health insurance; I have Medicare which is partial but better than nothing. At my age, no one would ever hire me full-time, and for that matter, my career's consisted of teaching usually part-time at I think maybe 17 places now. On a month to month level we don't have any stability. It affects my work - I think one reason my texts are short is that I always feel I'm on the run, that next week will be the last, etc. etc. - a 'normal' book takes a modicum of peaceful- ness to be able to sit down and accomplish something. A year and a half ago I had my first real grants which allowed us to live for eight or nine months without worry - it was a miracle. I try to control my anger - after all I'm responsible for not becoming a lawyer doctor academic etc. etc. - but it's difficult, especially in a country where there's no respect for the non-traditional arts, even today; the US gives almost nothing to culture compared to the rest of the industrialized world.
I just keep enduring; one of these days, a stroke will get me. I'd go to an analyst but who can afford over 125 usd / hour? And that would give any stability, just a way to cope with a miserable situation. Thanks for your writing - I sympathize and think a lot of other people must be in similar situations. And your work's brilliant. Damn it. - Alan _______________________________________________ NetBehaviour mailing list [email protected] http://www.netbehaviour.org/mailman/listinfo/netbehaviour
