getting up
http://lounge.espdisk.com/archives/917 (easiest for listening) http://espdisk.com/alansondheim/gu0.mp3 (easiest for downloading) http://espdisk.com/alansondheim/gu1.mp3 " http://espdisk.com/alansondheim/gu2.mp3 " http://espdisk.com/alansondheim/gu3.mp3 " http://espdisk.com/alansondheim/gu4.mp3 " http://espdisk.com/alansondheim/gu5.mp3 " http://espdisk.com/alansondheim/gu6.mp3 " http://espdisk.com/alansondheim/gu7.mp3 " when i'm down i want to get up. i'm literally haunted. i can't deal with the world and flatten out. i want to die in that flatness. this time i took clonazepan. the effect was flatter. i could live in that flatness. i wanted to record in that flatness. i recorded a series of getting up, some of which are horrible, and some of which aren't, and i'm in clonazepan and can't tell the difference and i'm afraid there may be no difference. what there is, this flatness, tends towards horrifying difficulties but you can decide for yourself. i want to get up. so i recorded guitar, ukulele, nepalese sarangi, sarangi, sarinda, and violin. i found bowing difficult. i found ukulele easy and guitar difficult because there were so many things to do on guitar. on nepalese sarangi i went up into wails where octaves and other sounds might have been. sarinda is always hard and everywhere and still carries the dead. violin is just that, nervous and jerky and i don't know what i'm doing and on sarangi, which is not the same as nepalese sarangi, i no longer know what i'm doing. i used the synthetic bow which made everything difficult and i'm not sure why i didn't change to traditional which slides less but the flatness took control. i think sometimes bad music is more interesting than good music and i'm not sure any of this music is at all interesting but it is interesting with medication which is a problem because i don't usually play in these conditions. the medication flattens a sense of loss in my life, my harboring of death, the death of my favor and split up of the rest of the family, and with my daughter there is real hatred which emerges from the flatness into music like strange attractors back from the small town i was raised in. by 'back,' they've arrived and i had to flatten them, i had to flatten everything and then i had to get up and the medicine flattened and then i was enabled to get up, but then the sounds are different and perhaps i wasn't able to do that at all, the gu* of the titles standing in for getting up, but also the first letters of one of the more difficult tantras, all of them together as some sort of bad medicine which is what i think is within me, from birth, and then with this flattening, almost corrosive, holding me down but giving me the slight space to play, even though the manner of play might leave much to be desired, such as clarity which only comes when peaks are permitted in one's life. _______________________________________________ NetBehaviour mailing list [email protected] http://www.netbehaviour.org/mailman/listinfo/netbehaviour
