Anne...this was absolutely priceless. I can't wait to pass this around. (wiping eyes)
On Tue, 2002-12-24 at 09:29, Anne Wilson wrote: > To those familiar with our folklore - enjoy > To those not so familiar - apologies > > 'Twas The Night Before Christmas > (as if written by a technical writer for a firm that does US government > contracting) > > 'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual > Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic > activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, > including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus musculus. Hosiery > was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood burning > caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an > imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among whose > folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St. Nicholas. > > The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective > accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual > hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving rhythmically > through their cerebrums. My conjugal partner and I, attired in our > nocturnal head coverings, were about to take slumberous advantage of the > hibernal darkness when upon the avenaceous exterior portion of the > grounds there ascended such a cacophony of dissonance that I felt > compelled to arise with alacrity from my place of repose for the purpose > of ascertaining the precise source thereof. > > Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers sealing this > fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar brilliance without, > reflected as it was on the surface of a recent crystalline > precipitation, might be said to rival that of the solar meridian itself > - thus permitting my incredulous optical sensory organs to behold a > miniature airborne runnered conveyance drawn by eight diminutive > specimens of the genus Rangifer, piloted by a minuscule, aged chauffeur > so ebullient and nimble that it became instantly apparent to me that he > was indeed our anticipated caller. With his ungulate motive power > travelling at what may possibly have been more vertiginous velocity than > patriotic alar predators, he vociferated loudly, expelled breath > musically through contracted labia, and addressed each of the octet by > his or her respective cognomen - "Now Dasher, now Dancer..." et al. - > guiding them to the uppermost exterior level of our abode, through which > structure I could readily distinguish the concatenations of each of the > 32 cloven pedal extremities. > > As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and was > performing a 180-degree pivot, our distinguished visitant achieved - > with utmost celerity and via a downward leap - entry by way of the smoke > passage. He was clad entirely in animal pelts soiled by the ebony > residue from oxidations of carboniferous fuels which had accumulated on > the walls thereof. His resemblance to a street vendor I attributed > largely to the plethora of assorted playthings which he bore dorsally in > a commodious cloth receptacle. > > His orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity, while his > submaxillary dermal indentations gave every evidence of engaging > amiability. The capillaries of his malar regions and nasal appurtenance > were engorged with blood which suffused the subcutaneous layers, the > former approximating the coloration of Albion's floral emblem, the > latter that of the Prunus avium, or sweet cherry. His amusing sub- and > supralabials resembled nothing so much as a common loop knot, and their > ambient hirsute facial adornment appeared like small, tabular and > columnar crystals of frozen water. > > Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smoking piece whose grey > fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput, were suggestive of a > decorative seasonal circlet of holly. His visage was wider than it was > high, and when he waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent abdominal region > undulated in the manner of impectinated fruit syrup in a hemispherical > container. He was, in short, neither more nor less than an obese, > jocund, multigenarian gnome, the optical perception of whom rendered me > visibly frolicsome despite every effort to refrain from so being. By > rapidly lowering and then elevating one eyelid and rotating his head > slightly to one side, he indicated that trepidation on my part was > groundless. > > Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the > aforementioned appended hosiery with various of the aforementioned > articles of merchandise extracted from his aforementioned previously > dorsally transported cloth receptacle. Upon completion of this task, he > executed an abrupt about-face, placed a single manual digit in lateral > juxtaposition to his olfactory organ, inclined his cranium forward in a > gesture of leave-taking, and forthwith effected his egress by > renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke passage. He then propelled himself > in a short vector onto his conveyance, directed a musical expulsion of > air through his contracted oral sphincter to the antlered quadrupeds of > burden, and proceeded to soar aloft in a movement hitherto observable > chiefly among the seed-bearing portions of a common weed. But I > overheard his parting exclamation, audible immediately prior to his > vehiculation beyond the limits of visibility: "Ecstatic Yuletide to the > planetary constituency, and to that self same assemblage, my sincerest > wishes for a salubriously beneficial and gratifyingly pleasurable period > between sunset and dawn." > > (Not my work - I don't know where it originated frrom) > > Anne > > ---- > --LX -- ��������������������������������������������������� Kernel 2.4.18-6mdk Mandrake Linux 8.2 Enlightenment 0.16.5-11mdk Evolution 1.0.2-5mdk Registered Linux User #268899 http://counter.li.org/ ���������������������������������������������������
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