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Insert Your Own Bad Joke Here

"The District (of Columbia) has twice as many rats as residents, which puts
the vermin population at about 1.4 million."

- Washington Times, 11/19/02

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Hillary to the Rescue!

Roll Call, Capitol Hill's "paper of record," is reporting this week that
Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton will be pushed up into the ranks of Senate
leadership for the Democrats next year in order to counter "Republican
 spin."  Wow.  First Nancy Pelosi and now THIS?  Next thing you know the D's
will nominate Ted Kennedy and Barney Frank for their presidential ticket in
'04.

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Bet the Farm on It

"War against Iraq crowned with a speedy and decisive United States triumph
is as certain as things get in international affairs. . . . On Dec. 8, Iraq
must provide a 'full, accurate and complete' accounting of its nuclear,
chemical, and biological weapons programs and delivery mechanisms. But to
expect Iraqi compliance is to believe in fairy tales. And then the war will
come."

- Columnist Bruce Fein

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Daschle Still Busting Bush's Chops

"The United States has determined that an audiotape of Osama bin Laden
broadcast last week is 'almost certainly' genuine and was made within the
past several weeks, a U.S. intelligence official said yesterday. . . . Some
Democrats, including outgoing Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle of South
Dakota, have seized on the tape as evidence President Bush is not making
progress in the war."

- Washington Times, 11/19/02

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Then Col. Potter Said...

"Democrats are whispering that the CIA Hellfire missile attack in Yemen Nov.
3 that killed six al Qaeda bigs was a political ploy for good war news on
the eve of the election.  They claim the CIA had several prior chances to
hit the convoy but waited, under orders from the White House, for the best
political moment. 'Horse hockey,' says one administration official."

- Paul Bedard, "Washington Whispers," U.S. News & World Report

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The Church of St. Donkey

"To those watching (the late Sen. Paul Wellstone's memorial service) at
home, it looked like hidden-camera footage from inside a particularly insane
cult.  It's common-place, especially in Britain, to hear the 'religious
Right' referred to as a bunch of weirdoes who are an embarrassment to the
Republican Party.  Well, the Minnesota memorial gave us the religious Left:
They don't believe in God; they believe in politics.  The Democratic Party
is their church, Wellstone their martyr, and the campaign a crusade.  They
couldn't have been any more freakier if they'd been speaking in tongues."

- Columnist Mark Steyn in the British Spectator

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Homeland Insecurity

"The midterm election has given us evil twins - a Department of Homeland
Security and a Middle Eastern war. The unintended consequences will be
costly to Americans and come back to haunt Republicans and conservatives.

"One hundred government agencies from 22 departments crammed into an
unaccountable bureaucracy of 170,000 civil servants creates less security.
Many of these agencies have histories of feuding with one another. The
feuding and lack of cooperation will be exacerbated by lumping the agencies
under the same department name. Sheer bulk will not cure the federal
government's inability to protect us from terrorists.

"...The Department of Homeland Security will define 'terrorist' to fit its
needs. Such a costly department will need to justify its budget, and the
definition will take on wide latitude. The department's main achievements
will be the diminution of American civil rights, censorship of the Internet,
and gun control."

- Columnist Paul Craig Roberts

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In Your Heart You Know He's (Still) Right

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Homeland Security for Ambulance-Chasers

"Senate Democrats want to delete from the House (Homeland Security) bill
provisions that, among other things, would protect vaccine makers against
lawsuits.  Sen. John McCain, Arizona Republican, announced yesterday that he
would vote with Democrats to strip the long-delayed bill of the provisions.

"...Senate Democrats have targeted seven provisions they hope to eliminate,
including one barring lawsuits against pharmaceutical companies for
vaccinations that cause side effects.

"The American Trial Lawyers Association - representing lawyers who reap
millions of dollars in fees from lucrative civil lawsuits - is a major
contributor to Democrats, giving more than $2 million in the 2002 campaigns.
Lawyers and law firms donated nearly $45 million overall to Democrats in the
past two years.

"Republicans say lawsuit protection is needed to enable companies to produce
vaccines to protect Americans from biological terrorist attacks. Instead of
litigation, a special compensation fund has been established for families
suffering from side effects.

"'We're trying to make sure the trial lawyers don't have the chance to sue
those who are trying to protect Americans from smallpox. Any other
interpretation is irrelevant,' said a Republican leadership aide."

- Washington Times, 11/19/02

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Freepers Ride Again

"The 'Freepers,' as the folks at Free Republic are known, are at it again.
Back in 2000, they -- and not Republican Party activists as Karenna Gore
Schiff suggested in last Friday's interview with ABC's Barbara Walters --
staked out a spot near the vice presidential residence during the
post-Florida recount period, shouting 'Get out of Cheney's house!' over and
over and over again.

"Now they are turning their sights on Democratic National Chairman Terry
McAuliffe. The D.C. chapter of Free Republic has produced a T-shirt, one of
which came in Monday's mail. The attached note read, 'Election 2002, Terry
McAuliffe, the man who disenfranchised (former Atlanta Mayor) Maynard
Jackson out of the DNC chairmanship, lost the election and refused to take
responsibility for the overall disaster.' The shirt, black poly-cotton with
yellow letters, reads 'Hey McAuliffe -- Get out of Maynard's Chair!'
Protests are expected."

- Peter Roff, UPI's Capital Comment, 11/19/02

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Radioactive Al

"On the other hand, Mr. Gore may simply be too radioactive (to get the 2004
Democrat presidential nomination), still burning from the loss in 2000 and
having actively campaigned in many of the debacles of 2002. In that case,
Sen. John Kerry, Massachusetts Democrat, is sure to emerge as the
global-warming maven. He's actually more radical (if less versed) on the
issue than Mr. Gore, and there's a school of thought in Democratic circles
these days that says they lost the Senate because they were too much like
Republicans. Mr. Kerry is no Republican."

- Columnist Patrick Michaels

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Trailer Trash Excitement

"Listen, after the Clinton administration, World War III would be boring.  I
started in politics with Kennedys, and those were excruciatingly exciting
days because the Kennedys were so glamorous. . . . . And then came the
Clintons.  We had a different kind of excitement with the Clintons.  It was
trailer trash excitement.  Every day there was something outrageous."

- Lucianne Goldberg in the fall issue of Women's Quarterly

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2nd Amendment Support Runs High

"In light of the recent serial sniper shootings in and around Washington -
and elsewhere, we've since learned - a congressional 'Quick Poll' conducted
through yesterday asks whether Congress should establish stricter
gun-control laws.

"Of 11,132 respondents...nearly 88 percent replied 'no' - the right to keep
and bear arms is guaranteed by the Second Amendment, and responsible firearm
ownership actually deters more crime."

- John McCaslin's "Inside the Beltway," 11/19/02

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Down, But Not Out

"If there is one segment of the political population which understands that
losing means you fight harder next time, it is labor union leadership.  The
fact that they have almost unlimited funds from mandatory union dues allows
them to fight on and on and on."

- Rich Galen, "Mullings.com," 11/20/02

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Union Thugs Unleashing Hounds on Wal-Mart

"Representatives of two of the nation's largest labor unions joined former
employees of the largest retail chain in the country Monday at the kickoff
of what sponsors call the largest union organizing effort in history.
Wal-Mart Stores, Inc. is 'a corporate outlaw,' according to one union
leader, who said, 'We've never gone at any other company like we're gonna go
at Wal-Mart.'"

- CNSNews.com, 11/20/02

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The Straight Poop

How the GOP Screwed Up in Nevada and how the LP Screwed Up Liberty in
America.  Catch the latest "Muth's Truths" commentaries at:
http://chuckmuth.com/muthstruths.TEMP.htm

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