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EXTRA!  EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT...

The Butt Banners are still on a roll from coast to coast despite outcries of protest 
from folks who still thought we lived in a country that cherished individual liberty.  
Plus an absolutely stupid, ridiculous, absurd, idiotic demand by the tobacco Nazis out 
in West Virginia.  Read all about it in the latest edition of “Smoke Screen” which is 
posted on today’s News & Views EXTRA page at:  
http://www.chuckmuth.com/newsandviews/nv.cfm.
_____________________________________

NO TIME FOR TERRORISTS

“Well, I haven't been briefed yet, Larry. They have offered to brief me; I just 
haven't had time.”

- John Kerry telling CNN talk show host Larry King on Thursday that he didn’t know 
anything about Tom Ridge’s warning about a possible large-scale al Qaeda attack on the 
United States

YOUR GOVERNMENT IN ACTION

A pair of items from yesterday which, once again, point out that government can screw 
up absolutely ANYTHING.

1.)  The Pentagon has been placing Green Berets and other special operations experts 
in U.S. embassies around the world to gather intelligence on al Qaeda and other 
terrorist wackos.  Makes sense, right?  Well not over at the State Department, which 
according to the Washington Times on Friday has been “placing restrictions on what 
undercover commandos can do,” including, in one case, refusing to allow a Green Beret 
to work outside the embassy walls.  Dumb-ass diplomats.

2.)  The Federal Law Enforcement Officers Association is complaining that the dress 
code being enforced by the Federal Air Marshal Service makes it a piece of cake for 
terrorists and even ordinary, everyday passengers to identify marshals on aircraft.  
The dress code requires clean shaven, short-haired officers to fly in dress shoes and 
a coat and tie (or, as the marshals have nicknamed them, a “hangman’s noose” because 
they allow an attacker to come up from behind and incapacitate them).  So much for 
blending in with the crowd.  Almost NOBODY dresses up like that to fly any longer.

These folks “look like FBI or Secret Service agents straight out of central casting,” 
says the Association of Flight Attendants.  In fact, they are so obvious that 
passengers pick them out, “give them the thumbs up and thank them.”  One passenger 
from Florida says the marshals look like “military Ken dolls.”  But the FAMS isn’t 
backing down.  A recent memo out of the Chicago office warns that any violation of the 
stupid dress code “will be considered misconduct and followed up with quick and firm 
disciplinary action.”

Don’t you feel much safer knowing such government bureaucrats are in charge of keeping 
us safe from terrorists?  And can you imagine how much WORSE this would be under Kerry?

MEDIA MUM ON FAHREN-HYPE’S DEMISE

“Remember two weeks ago when Michael Moore's Bush-hating, factually vacant, leftist 
propaganda tool opened at the box office?  Headline after headline thundered that it 
was ‘shattering records’ and ‘rocking the box office.’ . . . Well, his movie has 
slipped to third, behind 'King Arthur,' which hauled in nearly twice as much on 
Wednesday. . . . (Y)ou hear none of this from the media.  As Moore's movie tumbles 
down the box office chart, blazing the well-paved trail through the $2 movie theaters 
and onto DVD, the media is mum.”

- Talk show host Neal Boortz

HAIR TODAY, GONE TOMORROW

“We think this is a dream ticket. . . . We've got a better sense of what's happening 
to America, and we've got better hair. And I'll tell you, that goes a long way." 

- John Kerry in Cleveland this week on his selection of John Edwards to be his running 
mate

HEY, STOP HOGGING THE MOUSSE!

“Between Mr. Kerry's expensive haircuts and Mr. Edwards' hair-sprayed bangs, my guess 
is no presidential ticket in the history of the planet has cared so much about 
personal grooming. When the ticketmates travel together, there will probably be stiff 
competition for the mirror and hair products.”

- Columnist Rich Lowry

FROM GORE TO BORE

“There’s no such thing as a charisma transplant.”

- Sen. Lindsay Graham (R-SC) on claims that adding John Edwards to the Democrat ticket 
will help make up for John Kerry’s lack of energy and excitement

SURVEY SAYS!

Was the selection of John Edwards as John Kerry’s running mate President Bush’s worst 
nightmare...or an early Christmas present?  

*  Aarrghhh!!!
*  Ho, ho, ho!
*  Who is John Edwards?

Cast your vote by clicking the “Survey Says!” tab at www.citizenoutreach.com

MAKING CHENEY LOOK LIKE A CHOIRBOY

“Whoopi Goldberg delivered an X-rated rant full of sexual innuendoes against President 
Bush last night at a Radio City gala that raised $7.5 million for the newly minted 
Democratic ticket of John Kerry and John Edwards.  Waving a bottle of wine, she fired 
off a stream of vulgar sexual wordplays on Bush's name in a riff about female 
genitalia, and boasted that she'd refused to let Team Kerry clear her material.  ‘I 
Xeroxed my behind and I folded it up in an envelope and I sent it back with a big kiss 
mark on because we're Democrats - we're not afraid to laugh,’ she said.”

- New York Post, 7/9/04

MODERN-DAY MOBSTERS

“(John Edwards) is a trial lawyer. His campaign for the presidency was financed by 
trial lawyers. And there is nothing that makes America's CEOs see red these days like 
America's trial lawyers. . . . The nation's top executives view the plaintiff's bar as 
modern-day mobsters, shaking down corporations by bringing endless lawsuits that are 
too costly and too dangerous to litigate and that result in settlements costing 
billions to the corporate bottom line.”

- Wall Street Journal columnist Alan Murray

LAUGHING ALL THE WAY TO THE BANK

“Members of class-action lawsuits increasingly are receiving little, if any, 
compensation from the cases, while their teams of lawyers are making millions of 
dollars in legal fees.  For example, plaintiffs who filed a suit against movie-rental 
company Blockbuster Inc. were each issued two movie-rental coupons and a $1 coupon in 
the settlement. Their attorneys received $9.25 million.”

- Washington Times, 7/8/04

HOUSE VOTES NO ON TOUGH IMMIGRATION ENFORCEMENT

The House of Representatives this week voted down a proposal which would have forced 
local police officers to report illegal aliens they come across to federal 
authorities.  A number of cities and towns have declared themselves “sanctuaries” and 
prohibit their local law enforcement personnel from assisting the feds in finding and 
detaining illegals.  

Folks, until our government and elected officials get serious about enforcing our 
existing immigration laws, proposals to grant amnesties to illegals already in this 
country will go nowhere.  No carrots without sticks...period.  If elected officials 
and others think our immigration laws are bad (and they are)...fine.  Change the law.  
If not, then enforce it.  Stop screwing around.

CITIZENS TAKING IMMIGRATION MATTERS INTO OWN HANDS

“An Arizona group filed signature petitions Thursday for a ballot measure that would 
deny some government services to illegal immigrants and punish state and local 
government employees with jail time if they fail to report undocumented workers.  The 
initiative also would require proof of U.S. citizenship to register to vote and 
identification to cast ballots at polling places.  ‘Governments on all levels - local, 
state, and federal - should hang their heads in shame to make the people of Arizona go 
through this ordeal because governments arrogantly refuse to do their duties,’ said 
Kathy McKee, chairman of the Protect Arizona Now campaign.”

- Associated Press, 7/2/04

BRAIN MUST BE ON DRUGS TO SUPPORT THIS

“The (Kennedy/Dorgan drug re-importation) bill would allow the importation of drugs 
from 20 different countries, including drugs not approved by the Food and Drug 
Administration, into the United States, while offering vague promises that money will 
somehow be found to beef up that agency for the mammoth job of policing the quality 
and content of drugs from around the world.  Legalizing drug importation won't work. . 
. . The bill promises money that won't be forthcoming for protection that won't be 
possible. Despite the best intentions of its sponsors, the bill would allow foreign 
drugs that are substandard, counterfeit or, God forbid, intentionally contaminated by 
terrorists to flood the United States as legal imports.”

- Dr. Robert E. Windom, former HHS assistant secretary for health in the Reagan 
administration, Washington Times, 7/8/04

CONCEDING DEFEAT ON A BAD IDEA

“The FMA (Federal Marriage Amendment) will probably not get the necessary two-thirds 
vote required for a constitutional amendment to pass (in the Senate next week). In 
fact, there is a possibility that it may not even get a simple majority.”

- Don Wildmon of the American Family Association, 7/9/04

THE PROBLEM, NOT THE SOLUTION

“Unions, in general, served their purpose in a time when worker abuse was prevalent 
and accepted as part of the employment landscape.  Those conditions exists no more, or 
at most, very rarely.  Rather, it is the unions and the union workers abusing the 
system.  I've seen union workers spend more time trying to figure out ways to use the 
system to their advantage to get out of doing the work they're already not doing.  
Teachers' unions serve no purpose but to impede the successful education of our 
future.”

- News & Views reader “PJF”

RETURN TO THE LITTLE RED SCHOOLHOUSE

“Education achievement was better when it was practiced in the little red schoolhouse 
and didn't come as it does today from the big White House and its Cabinet agencies. 
The billions wasted on education since Lyndon Johnson's Great Society has been a 
financial and educational disaster, not to mention a violation of the Constitution.”

- Columnist Cal Thomas

HO, HO, HO!

“It should be obvious to anyone that when a company increases the wages or benefits of 
its employees, it must raise the price of its products. It has no other resources. The 
same is true of any increase in taxes. Yet there are adults who believe in Santa 
Claus.”

- Martin Abel, Washington Times, 7/7/04

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Chuck Muth’s News & Views is published by Citizen Outreach, a non-partisan, 501(c)3 
non-profit corporation. The opinions and views expressed in Chuck Muth's News & Views 
reflect those of the writers, editors and columnists therein and do not necessarily 
reflect the opinions of Citizen Outreach, its officers, directors or employees.

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