As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools ---------------------------------------------------------
"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard United Airlines flight 602 from New York to Punta Cana. You are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet going South over the Atlantic. "If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. "If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off. "If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. "That's me, your captain, the co-pilot and one of the stewardesses. This is a recorded message." ------------------------------------------- First thing - every single morning - one of the secretaries in our office opened the newspaper and read everyone's horoscope aloud. "Gwen," said our boss finally, "you seem to be a normal, level headed person. Do you really believe in astrology?" "Of course not," Gwen answered. "You know how skeptical us Capricorns are." -------------------------------------- Headlines from the Year 2029 - Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia (formerly California). - White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language. - Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock. - Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped. - Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq , Afghanistan , Syria and Lebanon ). - Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels. - Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only. - 85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss. - Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights. - New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036. - IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent. - Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines. -------------------------------------------------------------- -- You are reading Fairly Universal Nonsense: The biggest and best (humble too) joke newsletter on all the Internet (no lie Ive looked around) If you like it then forward it to a friend and tell them to sign up. If you are that friend sign up at: http://fairlyuniversalnonsense.googlepages.com/home If you have any questions, comments, suggestions, complaints, praises, snide remarks, or anything else you can think of, then I would appreciate it if you would email them to me at [EMAIL PROTECTED] Yes, there is a jessebg1 but you wont get a response. Sometimes it seems that I am sending these jokes to nobody so it would be nice to get some feedback as to how I am doing. Yes, I would even like your complaints and snide remarks. Feel free to send this Newsletter to your friends, enemy's, or other groups. I don't care. Just keep the title, content, and this little rant on the bottom intact. --~--~---------~--~----~------------~-------~--~----~ You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "NIDOKIDOS'05" group. To post to this group, send email to [email protected] To unsubscribe from this group, send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] For more options, visit this group at http://groups.google.com/group/nidokidos05?hl=en -~----------~----~----~----~------~----~------~--~---
