Here you go....
Subject: *** TOP SECRET MICROSOFT CODE ***
Project: Version - Windows XP
Microsoft marketing strategy (MARKET.EXE):
#include
#include
#include /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */
#include /* For the court of law */
#define say(x) lie(x)
#define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE
#define next_year soon
#define the_product_is_ready_to_ship another_beta_version
void main()
{
if (latest_window_version>one_month_old)
{
if (there_are_still_bugs)
market(bugfix);
if (sales_drop_below_certain_point)
raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_blank_BUGLESS_VERSION);
}
while(everyone_chats_about_blank_version)
{
make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in
lie.h */
if (rumours_grow_wilder)
make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play);
if (rumours_grow_even_wilder)
{
market_time=ripe;
say("It will be ready in one month);
order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version);
order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_blank_version);
order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense);
vapourware=TRUE;
break;
}
}
switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress)
{
case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY:
say("It will be ready in", today+30_days," we're just testing");
break;
case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK:
say("Yes it will work");
ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work);
pretend(there_is_no_problem);
break;
case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS:
say("It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to"
" the 32 bits architecture");
inform(INTEL, "Pentium sales will rise skyhigh");
inform(SAMSUNG, "Start a new memorychip plant"
"'cos all those customers will need at least 32 megs");
inform(QUANTUM, "Thanks to our fatware your sales will triple");
get_big_bonus(INTEL, SAMSUNG, QUANTUM);
break;
case DOES_MICROSOFT_GET_TOO_MUCH_INFLUENCE:
say("Oh no, we are just here to make a better world for
everyone");
register(journalist, Big_Bill_Book);
when(time_is_ripe)
{
arrest(journalist);
brainwash(journalist);
when(journalist_says_windows_95_is_bugfree)
{
order(journalist, "write a nice objective article");
release (journalist);
}
}
break;
}
while (vapourware)
{
introduction_date++; /* Delay */
if (no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release)
break;
say("It will be ready in",today+ONE_MONTH);
}
release(beta_version)
while (everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware)
{
bills_bank_account += 150*megabucks;
release(new_and_even_better_beta_version);
introduce(more_memory_requirements);
if (customers_report_installation_problems)
{
say("that is a hardware problem, not a software problem");
if (smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_play)
{
ignore(customer);
order(microsoft_intelligence_agency, "Keep an eye on this
bastard");
}
}
if ( bills_bank_account>skyhigh && marriage>two_years )
{
divorce(woman_that_was_beatifull_when_I_married_her);
wave(dollars, at_lusty_chicks);
marry(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
devirginize(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
if (boobies_start_to_hang)
dump(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
}
if (there_is_another_company)
{
steal(their_ideas);
accuse(compagny, stealing_our_ideas);
hire(a_lot_of_lawyers); /* in process.h */
wait(until_other_company_cannot_afford_another_lawsuit);
buy_out(other_company);
}
}
/* Now everyone realizes that we sell bugware and they are all angry at
us */
order(plastic_surgeon, make_bill_look_like_poor_bastard);
buy(nice_little_island); hire(harem);
laugh_at(everyone,
for_having_the_patience_year_after_year_for_another_unfinished_version);
}
void bugfix(void)
{
charge (a_lot_of_money)
if (customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix)
say("It is not a bugfix but a new version");
if (still_complaints)
{
ignore(customer);
register(customer, big_Bill_book);
/* We'll get him when everyone uses Billware!!*/
}
}
-----Original Message-----
From: Ed Esgro [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]]
Sent: Monday, December 03, 2001 12:45 PM
To: NT 2000 Discussions
Subject: RE: I need the code for the MS beta test # 71-218
This is funny stuff. Anyone has the source code to Windows xp
-----Original Message-----
From: Kevin Miller [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]]
Sent: Monday, December 03, 2001 3:36 PM
To: NT 2000 Discussions
Subject: RE: I need the code for the MS beta test # 71-218
Get with it.. Martins to do..
Learn AD
Learn to type d00d
--
Kevinm M WLKMMAS, UCC+WCA, CKWSE CKST
-----Original Message-----
From: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]] On Behalf Of Martin Blackstone
Sent: Monday, December 03, 2001 12:19 PM
To: NT 2000 Discussions
Subject: RE: I need the code for the MS beta test # 71-218
Dang, I had to use a converter
-----Original Message-----
From: Erik Sojka [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]]
Sent: Monday, December 03, 2001 12:19 PM
To: NT 2000 Discussions
Subject: RE: I need the code for the MS beta test # 71-218
Scary thing; I understood that with no problems.
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Martin Blackstone [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]]
> Sent: Monday, December 03, 2001 3:14 PM
> To: NT 2000 Discussions
> Subject: RE: I need the code for the MS beta test # 71-218
>
>
> |)|_||]3, ! |\|33|] 5*/\/\3 \/\/4|23Z 50 ! [4/\/ p45$ /\/\Y /\/\[$3
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Erik Sojka [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]]
> Sent: Monday, December 03, 2001 12:14 PM
> To: NT 2000 Discussions
> Subject: RE: I need the code for the MS beta test # 71-218
>
>
> If anyone has any kewl gamez or warez to pass along he'd appreciate it
> as well.
>
> Moron.
>
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: Eric [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]]
> > Sent: Monday, December 03, 2001 1:34 PM
> > To: NT 2000 Discussions
> > Subject: I need the code for the MS beta test # 71-218
> >
> >
> > Please e-mail it to me at [EMAIL PROTECTED]
> >
> > If you know of any hot beta sites or great brain dumps drop me a
> > line on those also.
> >
> > Thanks
> > Eric
> >
> > ------
> > You are subscribed as [EMAIL PROTECTED]
> > Archives: http://www.swynk.com/sitesearch/search.asp
> > To unsubscribe send a blank email to
> [EMAIL PROTECTED]
> >
>
> ------
> You are subscribed as [EMAIL PROTECTED]
> Archives: http://www.swynk.com/sitesearch/search.asp
> To unsubscribe send a blank email to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
> ------
> You are subscribed as [EMAIL PROTECTED]
> Archives: http://www.swynk.com/sitesearch/search.asp
> To unsubscribe send a blank email to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
------
You are subscribed as [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Archives: http://www.swynk.com/sitesearch/search.asp
To unsubscribe send a blank email to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
------
You are subscribed as [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Archives: http://www.swynk.com/sitesearch/search.asp
To unsubscribe send a blank email to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
------
You are subscribed as [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Archives: http://www.swynk.com/sitesearch/search.asp
To unsubscribe send a blank email to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
------
You are subscribed as [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Archives: http://www.swynk.com/sitesearch/search.asp
To unsubscribe send a blank email to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
------
You are subscribed as [email protected]
Archives: http://www.swynk.com/sitesearch/search.asp
To unsubscribe send a blank email to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
