Now that everyone is lightening up....here is a list of all
the excuses I used in North Carolina:

I think I might have a flat tire (Slow down, will ya?)
I definitely have a flat tire (Help me change it)
I don't have a low enough gear (I've gained 5 pounds)
I've decided to buy a lighter bike (I've gained 10 pounds)
I'm taking up clog dancing (I've gained 25 pounds)
I'm carbo loading (Pass the ice cream)
I'm tapering (I haven't ridden in 2 months)
She's a hammer (Janet is faster than me)
I bonked (All I took for a 4-hour ride was a half-empty
bottle of month-old OJ and a moldy Twinkie)
Thanks for waiting (Wipe that smug grin off your ugly face)
He's such a wheelsucker (I can't drop him)
Hold on, there's something wrong with my bike (Let's stop so
I can rest)
My tires suck! (This climb is killing me!)
It's getting dark (I wanna go home)
This bike is a piece of shit! (I can't ride worth shit)
My bike was acting funny (Otherwise I would have whooped
your butt!)
That thing's a piece of crap (I wish I had one...)

The above originally comes from a column in Bicycling mag
entitled "Parlez-Vous Bike? - What Cyclists Say and What
They Mean." by Scott Martin.

Here are some more laughs:

http://www.bicyclesource.com/you/culture/humour/why-race-toplist.shtml

-Rod P


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