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When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven! Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life. Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure -- hooking up with fat, hairy girls. The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier. Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside them was superior to circumstances. Those who are willing to sacrifice essential liberties for a little order, will lose both and deserve neither. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines. A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes. Love is life. And if you miss love, you miss life. Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you. Not because they are nice, but because you are. Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. What lies behind us and what lies before us, are only small matters compared to what lies within us. Touch is the most fundamental sense. A baby experiences it, all over, before he is born and long after he learns to use sight, hearing, or taste, and no human ever ceases to need it. Keep your children short on pocket money - but long on hugs. Compassion is the antitoxin of the soul: where there is compassion even the most poisonous impulses remain relatively harmless. The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier. Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value. If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. The man who says I told you so is making an excuse for not expressing his position clearly in the first place. What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light. Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure -- hooking up with fat, hairy girls. Love is the beauty of the soul. Can miles truly separate you from friends... If you want to be with someone you love, aren't you already there? Distance between two hearts is not an obstacle; rather a great reminder of just how strong true love can be. Compassion alone stands apart from the continuous traffic between good and evil proceeding within us. Touch is the most fundamental sense. A baby experiences it, all over, before he is born and long after he learns to use sight, hearing, or taste, and no human ever ceases to need it. Keep your children short on pocket money - but long on hugs. You can widen your life by yourself, but to deepen it you need a friend. Each encounter that becomes a friendship turns into a lifeline. One can never have too many, only too many to properly take care of. When solving problems, dig at the roots instead of just hacking at the leaves. Yesterday is a dream, tomorrow but a vision. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope Look well, therefore to this day. What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? I discovered I always have choices and sometimes it's only a choice of attitude. Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value. Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside them was superior to circumstances. Hatch a dream and then believe it. Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact. The only time you run out of chances is when you stop taking them. A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines. I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a ... brain operation. Those who are willing to sacrifice essential liberties for a little order, will lose both and deserve neither. Memory is a child walking along a seashore. You never can tell what small pebble it will pick up and store away among its treasured things. Friends are as companions on a journey, who ought to aid each other to persevere in the road to a happier life. Love is always bestowed as a gift - freely, willingly and without expectation. We don't love to be loved; we love to love. The Eskimo has fifty-two names for snow because it is important to them; there ought to be as many for love. The best proof of love is trust. A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a shp, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects. Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you. Not because they are nice, but because you are. It's not that chocolates are a substitute for love. Love is a substitute for chocolate. Chocolate is, let's face it, far more reliable than a man. No dictator, no invader, can hold an imprisoned population by force of arms forever. There is no greater power in the universe than the need for freedom. Against that power, governments and tyrants and armies cannot stand. A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a shp, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects. Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value. A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same. Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. What lies behind us and what lies before us, are only small matters compared to what lies within us. You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. What lies behind us and what lies before us, are only small matters compared to what lies within us. I would like to believe when I die that I have given myself away like a tree that sows seed every spring and never counts the loss, because it is not loss, it is adding to future life. It is the tree's way of being. Strongly rooted perhaps, but spilling out its treasure on the wind. What the world really needs is more love and less paper work. When solving problems, dig at the roots instead of just hacking at the leaves. The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands in times of challenge and controversy. No elected body is the country, we are the country. You and me. Us. It can only stay that way as long as we care to keep it so. A kiss makes the heart young again and wipes out the years. Distance between two hearts is not an obstacle; rather a great reminder of just how strong true love can be. Solitude, if rightly used, becomes not only a privilege but a necessity. Only a superficial soul fears to fraternize with itself. Books are the shoes with which we tread the footsteps of great minds. Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. You can widen your life by yourself, but to deepen it you need a friend. Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. Begin doing what you want to do now. We are not living in eternity. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand and melting like a snowflake. Love is the energy of the soul. Love is what heals the personality. There is nothing that cannot be healed by love. There is nothing but love. Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable. A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes. Why is it drug addicts and computer afficionados are both called users? A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club. I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a ... brain operation.
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