Hi Lars, Thanks for your review. We addressed all your comments in the newly posted version v13.
Regards, Benoit On 12/12/2022 12:55 PM, Lars Eggert via Datatracker wrote:
Lars Eggert has entered the following ballot position for draft-ietf-opsawg-service-assurance-architecture-12: No Objection When responding, please keep the subject line intact and reply to all email addresses included in the To and CC lines. (Feel free to cut this introductory paragraph, however.) Please refer to https://www.ietf.org/about/groups/iesg/statements/handling-ballot-positions/ for more information about how to handle DISCUSS and COMMENT positions. The document, along with other ballot positions, can be found here: https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/draft-ietf-opsawg-service-assurance-architecture/ ---------------------------------------------------------------------- COMMENT: ---------------------------------------------------------------------- # GEN AD review of draft-ietf-opsawg-service-assurance-architecture-12 CC @larseggert Thanks to Paul Kyzivat for the General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) review (https://mailarchive.ietf.org/arch/msg/gen-art/-6ZNHph8My80VstOhYoI8-XOZ4o). ## Nits All comments below are about very minor potential issues that you may choose to address in some way - or ignore - as you see fit. Some were flagged by automated tools (via https://github.com/larseggert/ietf-reviewtool), so there will likely be some false positives. There is no need to let me know what you did with these suggestions. ### Outdated references Document references `draft-ietf-opsawg-service-assurance-yang-09`, but `-10` is the latest available revision. Document references `draft-irtf-nmrg-ibn-concepts-definitions`, but that has been published as `RFC9315`. ### Grammar/style #### Section 2, paragraph 2 ``` ervices, the edges indicate a dependency relations. SAIN collector: A functio ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ``` The plural noun "relations" cannot be used with the article "a". #### Section 3.1, paragraph 8 ``` with the only parameter (the device id) set to "PE1" will appear only once ^^ ``` This abbreviation for "identification" is spelled all-uppercase. #### Section 3.1.1, paragraph 25 ``` given IP address), however it's a not a good parameter to identify an interf ^^^^^^^^^^^^ ``` It seems like one article is redundant in this context. #### Section 3.4, paragraph 1 ``` ignored because their state changes is probably the consequence of the main ^^ ``` The verb form "is" does not seem to match the subject "changes". #### Section 3.6, paragraph 2 ``` ice for a L3VPN. * A tunnel can considered as a subservice for an applicatio ^^^^^^^^^^ ``` The modal verb "can" requires the verb's base form. #### Section 3.6, paragraph 5 ``` document refer to physical components but this is not a constraint. Indeed, t ^^^^ ``` Use a comma before "but" if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short). #### Section 3.7, paragraph 4 ``` s to obtain the configuration from the the service orchestrator. The latter ^^^^^^^ ``` Possible typo: you repeated a word. ## Notes This review is in the ["IETF Comments" Markdown format][ICMF], You can use the [`ietf-comments` tool][ICT] to automatically convert this review into individual GitHub issues. Review generated by the [`ietf-reviewtool`][IRT]. [ICMF]: https://github.com/mnot/ietf-comments/blob/main/format.md [ICT]: https://github.com/mnot/ietf-comments [IRT]: https://github.com/larseggert/ietf-reviewtool
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