RE: RE: MetaSlop - Another Response Scenario for Paul.

[Kevin Kostyszyn]

Title: RE: RE: MetaSlop - Another Response Scenario for Paul.

I have to leave before I get fired for laughing too loud!!!  Ross is officially the site comedian and witmaster!!

-----Original Message-----
From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]]On Behalf Of Mohan, Ross
Sent: Tuesday, February 27, 2001 4:58 PM
To: Multiple recipients of list ORACLE-L
Subject: RE: RE: MetaSlop - Another Response Scenario for Paul.

Scenario Two:

########################## For Immediate Release ###############################

Ap/UPI/AFP/Reuters ---  Redwood Shores, 27 Feb 00
       
Oracle Denial of Service Attack

Oracle Corporation announced today, in a stunning revelation, that
they have been issuing a massive Denial of Service (DoS) attack against
its own customers via its "Support" website, MetaBlink.

The scam worked like this:  clever hackers within Oracle Corporation
configured MetaLink with Oracle default values, guaranteeing devastating
failure. As long term Oracle customers, sorely vexed by arcane command sequences,
byzantine product offerings, and constantly shifting product versions
came to the "support web site" to seek help, they were shunted away,
losing hours of productive time, watching key applications fail,
marriages dissolve, and world peace slip from their grasp.

Precisely at this vulnerable moment, a crack team of marketers ( or a
team of crack-smoking marketers, field reports are not clear ) created
a campaign to lead key customers to believe "application upgrades" and
"more hardware" were the problem.

Sources in the McNealy Command Bunker indicate Oracle's innovative DoS
is working, as record numbers of customers are throwing massive amounts
of hardware at problems relatively easy to rectify. Further, back at
Armani HQ, Redwood Shores, initial reports are that the "application upgrades"
orders are coming in quickly.

IBM, HP, and other industry leaders are likely to follow the Oracle Corporation
trend, and begin to knock off key customers shortly, using a combination of
DoS, confusing price plans, deliriously inaccurate marketing campaigns,
and other tools of corporate psychological warfare.

( - Ross Mohan, Cub Reporter, Daily Planet )

-----Original Message-----
From: Paul Baumgartel [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]]
Sent: Tuesday, February 27, 2001 3:21 PM
To: Multiple recipients of list ORACLE-L
Subject: RE: RE: MetaSlop

And if you were running a comparable system, what would *you* say?

Paul Baumgartel
InstiPro, Inc.
[EMAIL PROTECTED]
212 813-0829 x103 (office)
917 549-4717         (mobile)

-----Original Message-----
Sent: Tuesday, February 27, 2001 2:51 PM
To: Multiple recipients of list ORACLE-L

Man, these guys just invite the wise-ass comment, don't they?  Such as:

Well maybe if the product worked better/was less confusing/had better
documentation we wouldn't all be in Metalink!
Oh no!  If 4 new servers brought the system to its knees just think how bad
it'll be when the rest of the hardware arrives!
4 new top-of-the-line servers, just think what that'll do to their power
unit charges!

Plus I can't rid myself of the image of us all 'staggering' to Metalink for
help.

Jim

>>> [EMAIL PROTECTED] 02/27/01 01:21PM >>>
For those interested, right from the horses mouth, or other orifice as you
desire:

News & Notes
                                          MetaLink Performance - An Update

  We apologize for the slow response times recently on MetaLink. All over
the
world our customers are coming to and using this valuable
  knowledge base in staggering numbers. Our Global IT team are working these
performance issues as their number one priority.

  What is Being Done
  This week four new front-end web servers were brought on line to help
manage
the load. Additional hardware has been purchased and will
  arrive soon which will make a significant improvement in performance.

  We appreciate your patience during this time of significant growth in
MetaLink
usage.

  Thanks,
  The MetaLink Team

--