I would like to thank Stacie for her excellent and very thoughtful reply. I think it helps to hear from people with direct personal experience (instead of dealing with hypotheticals) to understand just what it is we are talking about with this. I also want to thank others who came forward in the past (and recently on FB) to help raise awareness about this issue within the broader community. It can be incredibly difficult and often scary for people to come forward with these experiences. Not only can they be difficult to rehash, people’s reactions are not always supportive or kind, and they also risk potential backlash. I appreciate and admire their courage in taking this important first step.
I was initially quite surprised and disheartened to hear that this was happening in our community. But of course, most women have these shared experiences and it should not really come as a big surprise. Some of us just accept it as the way things are, unfortunately. And Stacie and Vishakha make excellent points about the different ways we can experience these encounters. In addition, some of us need to check our privilege first when we question if this may or may not happen, or dismiss it as a low priority “because it just doesn’t happen very often” just because it is not congruent with our own experience. This is one of those significant moments where it is important to listen and to try to understand instead of reacting and rushing to judgement. And thanks to all who have pushed this effort forward and helped start an important dialogue about a difficult topic. While this has focused on CoCs, I hope this has caused some to reconsider how they think about the larger issue of sexual misconduct, as well as issues of gender, power and privilege. Finally, big thanks to Anne who has provided us a space for this discussion. I think this is actually a very helpful example of how CoCs work at conventions. Anne invited us to have a discussion on this list and set some ground rules and consequences for breaking the rules, and then shared that with everyone. If people don’t follow the rules, she can block them from posting and/or ask them to revise. She doesn’t tell us who broke the rules, she keeps that confidential. There aren’t laws that govern these posts. Anne, as host, has set the rules and then decides, using her best judgement, how to enforce those rules. She makes the judgment call if someone has crossed the line and sometimes it’s very clear and sometimes it is more subjective and difficult for her to determine. Not everyone would agree with her regarding if Person A’s post crossed a line, but we have put our trust in her to attempt to do this fairly and accurately and in good faith. Had she not set these rules, we might have ended up with another FB debacle. So, relying on people to behave respectfully and not be a jerk just wasn’t going to cut it here, unfortunately. Setting the rules helps make this a safe space for respectful discussion, and it greatly improves the experience of all involved. While this may not be a perfect analogy, I think it helps illustrate the importance of having clear rules and consequences. Beth On Tue, May 18, 2021 at 12:14 PM John Scully <[email protected]> wrote: > That is what we are considering – a “please address me as ____” line, or > something similar. With the obvious problem that people do NOT pay > attention and will walk up to someone wearing a “My name is TOM” badge and > say “Dave! Have not seen you in a while” > > > > *From:* Origami <[email protected]> *On Behalf Of > *KDianne > Stephens > *Sent:* Tuesday, May 18, 2021 10:15 AM > *To:* 'The Origami Mailing List' <[email protected]> > *Subject:* Re: [Origami] CoC - Focus > > > > >Vishakha said “…ppl may need that specificity of their gender pronoun to > feel comfortable in public fora …” > > > > Pronoun inclusion on convention name tags may be an efficient solution to > meet this need. > > > > Orifun to all, > > Dianne > > >
