Sex and Taboos in the Islamic World
SPIEGEL ONLINE - October 20, 2006, 04:37 PM
URL: http://www.spiegel.
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Love, Lust and Passion
By Amira El Ahl and Daniel Steinvorth
Sex is a taboo in conservative Islamic countries. Young, unmarried couples are
forced to seek out secret erotic oases. Books and play that are devoted to the
all too human topic of sex incur the wrath of conservative religious officials
and are promptly banned.
A meeting point for couples at the port of Rabat: "The more repressive a
society is, the more desperately does it seek an outlet."Thomas Grabka
A meeting point for couples at the port of Rabat: "The more repressive a
society is, the more desperately does it seek an outlet."
Rabat, Morocco. Every evening Amal the octopus vendor looks on as sin returns
to his beach. It arrives in the form of handholding couples who hide behind the
tall, castle-like quay walls in the city's harbor district to steal a few
clandestine kisses. Some perform balancing acts on slippery rocks and seaweed
to secure a spot close to the Atlantic Ocean and cuddle in the dim evening
light. The air tastes of salt and hashish. On some mornings, when Amal finds
used condoms on the beach, he wishes that these depraved, shameless sinners --
who aren't even married, he says -- would roast in hell.
Cairo, Egypt. A hidden little dead-end street in Samalik, a posh residential
neighborhood, with a view of the Nile. Those who live here can stand on their
balconies at night and see things that no one is meant to see. The cars begin
arriving well before sunset, some evenings bringing as many as a hundred
amorous couples. Almost all the girls wear headscarves, but that doesn't
prevent them from wearing skin-tight, short-sleeved tops. The boys are like
boys everywhere, nonchalantly placing their arms around their girlfriends'
shoulders and even more nonchalantly sliding their hands into their blouses.
The locals call this place "Shari al-Hubb," or "Street of Love." The gossips
say that children have been conceived here and couples have been spotted
engaging in oral sex.
Beirut, Lebanon. As techno music blares from the loudspeakers in the dim light,
patrons shout their drink orders across the bar. Boys in tight jeans and
unbuttoned, white shirts, their hair perfectly styled, jostle their way onto
the dance floor. The men shake their hips, clap their hands and embrace -- but
without touching all too obviously. After all, those who go too far could end
up being thrown out of "Acid," Beirut's most popular gay disco. Officially,
"Acid" is nothing more than a nightclub in an out-of-the-way industrial
neighborhood.
As liberal as Lebanon is, flaunting one's homosexuality is verboten. Gays are
tolerated, but only as long as they remain under the radar and conceal their
activities from public scrutiny.
For many in the Arab world, discretion is the only option when it comes to
experiencing lust and passion. There are secret spots everywhere, and they are
often the only place to go for those forced to live with the contradictions of
the modern Islamic world. In countries whose governments are increasingly
touting strict morals and chastity, prohibitions have been unsuccessful at
suppressing everyday sexuality. Religious censors are desperately trying to put
a stop to what they view as declining morals in their countries, but there is
little they can do to stop satellite TV, the Internet and text messaging.
A counterforce to Western excesses?
Do the stealthy violations of taboos and moral precepts foreshadow a sexual
revolution in the Arab world? Or is the pressure being applied by the moralists
creating a new prudishness, a counterforce to the perceived excesses of the
West?
For now, everything seems possible, including the idea that a man can end up
spending a night in jail for being caught with a condom in his shirt pocket.
Ali al-Gundi, an Egyptian journalist, was driving his girlfriend home when he
was stopped at a police checkpoint. He didn't have his driver's license with
him, but it was 4 a.m. and he was in the company of an attractive woman. For
the police, this was reason enough to handcuff Gundi and his girlfriend and
take them to the police station. "On the way there, they threatened to beat
us," says the 30-year-old. At the station, they took away his mobile phone and
wallet and found an unused condom in his shirt pocket.
"They were already convinced that my girlfriend was a whore," says Gundi. The
couple ended up behind bars, even after telling the police that they planned to
get married in a few months. Only after the woman notified her father the next
day were the two released from jail. For Gundi, one thing is certain: "If the
officer who stopped us hadn't been so sexually frustrated, he would have let us
go."
The sexual frustration of many young Arabs has countless causes, most of them
economic. Jobs are scarce and low-paying, and most young men are unable to
afford and furnish their own apartments -- a prerequisite to being able to
marry in most Arab countries. At the same time, premarital sex is an absolute
taboo in Islam. As a result, cities across the Arab world -- Algiers,
Alexandria, Sana'a and Damascus -- are filled with "boy-men" between 18 and 35
who are forced to live with their parents for the foreseeable future.
There is one exception, and it's even sanctioned by the Islamic faith: the
"temporary marriage" or "pleasure marriage" -- not a bond for life but one
designed for intimate sins. Such agreements, presided over by imams, are not
regulated by the state. They can be concluded for only a few hours or they can
be open-ended. But particularly romantic they are not.
Separating the sexes
Another frustrating development for young Islamic men is the growing separation
of the sexes. More and more women are wearing modest clothing. Some choose to
wear headscarves or cover their entire bodies, and some even wear black gloves
to cover the last remaining bit of exposed skin on their bodies.
A porn site on the Internet: 56 percent of young men in the Mahgreb region
admit to watching porn on a regular basis.
<file:///C:\DOCUME~1\JERRYK~1\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\01\clip_image002.jpg> A
porn site on the Internet: 56 percent of young men in the Mahgreb region admit
to watching porn on a regular basis.
Nowadays a woman walking along a Cairo street without a veil stands a good
chance of being stared at as if she were from another planet. Journalist Gundi
is convinced that "oppression brings out perversion in people." The men want
their women to be covered and veiled because they are afraid of women --
"afraid of the feelings women provoke."
Most Egyptian women now wear a headscarf, but for varying reasons. Ula Shahba,
27, sees the trend toward covering one's head as an expression of a new female
self-confidence, not as a symbol of oppression. For the past two years, Shahba
has worn the headscarf voluntarily -- out of conviction, as she emphasizes,
insisting that no one forces her to do so. But, she adds, the decision wasn't
easy. "I love my hair," she says, "but it shouldn't be visible to everyone."
Shahba doesn't believe that the headscarf is a sign of religious devoutness.
"It's more of a trend," she says.
A Moroccan study published in early 2006 in L'Economiste, a Moroccan business
publication, shows how paradoxical young Arabs' attitudes toward religion and
sexuality can be. According to the study, young Muslims in the Maghreb region
are increasingly ignoring the clearly defined rules of their religion.
Premarital sex is not unusual, and 56 percent of young men admit to watching
porn on a regular basis. But the respondents also said that it was just as
important to them to pray, observe the one-month Ramadan fast and marry a
fellow Muslim. When seen in this light, young Muslims' approach to Islam seems
as hedonistic as it is variable, almost arbitrary.
Betraying the message of Muhammad
Muslim novelist "Nedjma" ("Star"), the author of "The Almond," a successful
erotic novel, describes Moroccan society as divided and bigoted. Despite
progressive family and marriage laws, she says, the country is still controlled
by patriarchal traditions in which men continue to sleep around and treat women
as subordinates. It is a society in which prudishness and sexual obsession,
ignorance and desire, "sperm and prayer" coexist. "The more repressive a
society is, the more desperately it seeks an outlet," says Nedjma, who conceals
her real name because she has already been vilified on the Internet as a
"whore" and an "insult to Islam."
Men like Samir, 36, a bald waiter who wears a formal, black and white uniform
to work, could be straight out of Nedjma's novel. Samir grins at the prospect
of catching a glimpse of unveiled girls in his café in Rabat. But in the same
breath, he admits that he would never spend a significant amount of time in the
same room with a woman he doesn't know. "No man and no woman can be together
without being accompanied by the devil," he believes, adding that he is quoting
the Prophet Muhammad.
But most sources paint a completely different picture of the religious leader,
describing him as a hedonist and womanizer who loved and worshipped women.
Indeed, he married 12 women, including a businesswoman 15 years his senior, to
whom he remained faithful until her death. Author Nedjma says that Muslim men
today are "betraying the message of Muhammad," whom she describes as a
delicate, gallant man. She doubts that the prophet was afraid of female
sexuality, as many of the men in her social circle are today.
Even conservative theologians emphasize the compatibility of pleasure and faith
-- but only after marriage. They can even evoke the Prophet Mohammed, who said:
"In this world, I loved women, pleasant scents and prayer."
This presents an odd contradiction to the puritanical present, which represents
a fundamental departure from Islam's more open-minded past and has instead made
way for a humorless and rigorous Islamism.
Journalist Ali al-Gundi believes that Muslim men have a troubled relationship
with their own sexuality. "Most men only want to marry a virgin," he says.
"What for? Isn't it much nicer to be with a partner who has experience?" Gundi
talks about his girlfriends who have done everything but actually have sex, so
as not to damage their hymens. That would mean social death.
Egyptian filmmaker Ahmed Khalid devoted his first short film, "The Fifth
Pound," to the topic of taboo. The film tells the story of a young couple who
use a bus ride to be together and exchange more than just a few innocent,
tender words. Every Friday morning, when everyone else is at the mosque for
prayers, they meet on the third-to-the-last bench on the bus, a spot where none
of the other passengers can see what they are doing. As they sit there,
shoulder-to-shoulder, staring straight ahead, they stroke each other's bodies.
Their only fear is that the bus driver will see what they are doing through the
rear view mirror. He watches the couple, fully aware of what they are doing,
all the while indulging in his own fantasies.
In his imagination, the driver sits down next to the girl, carefully removes
her headscarf and unbuttons her blouse. She closes her eyes and presses her
fingers into the armrest. The headscarf slowly slides off the seat. Both reach
climax, the girl in the bus driver's fantasy and the boy through his
girlfriend's hand. In the end, the couple pays the driver four pounds for the
tickets and a fifth for his silence.
Of course, Khalid was unable to find a distributor for his scandalous,
14-minute short film, and even Cairo's liberal cultural centers refused to run
"The Fifth Pound" without it being censored first. Even though, or perhaps
precisely because the film does not depict any actual sexual activity, it
excites the viewer's fantasy -- an especially odious offense in the eyes of
religious censors.
The Internet is a refuge for hidden desires, even though it offers only virtual
relief. Google Trends, a new service offered by the search engine, provides a
way to demonstrate how difficult it is to banish forbidden yearnings from the
heads of Muslims. By entering the term "sex" into Google Trends, one obtains a
ranked list of cities, countries and languages in which the term was entered
most frequently. According to Google Trends, the Pakistanis search for "sex"
most often, followed by the Egyptians. Iran and Morocco are in fourth and
fifth, Indonesia is in seventh and Saudi Arabia in eighth place. The top city
for "sex" searches is Cairo. When the terms "boy sex" or "man boy sex" are
entered (many Internet filters catch the word "gay"), Pakistan, Iran, Saudi
Arabia and Egypt are the first four countries listed.
Homosexuality is more than just a taboo in the Islamic world. In fact it is
considered a crime, punishable by imprisonment or even the death penalty.
Yusuf al-Qaradawi, an imam who lives in Qatar and has a television show on Arab
network Al Jazeera, considers homosexuality as an especially decadent monster
created by the West. It is against the "divine order," says the religious
scholar, citing verses in the Koran that describe homosexuality as a common
practice in pre-Islamic Arabia.
Homosexuals are referred to in Arabic as "Luti," or people from the city of the
Lut, which is mentioned in the Koran and the Bible and is described as having
been destroyed by God's wrath. The sources seem to clearly support this notion.
As a result, very few gay Muslims even attempt to reconcile their faith with
their sexual orientation. Most, says George Assi, a spokesman of Helem, the
only gay and lesbian organization in the Arab world, are in despair over the
fact that they cannot be as virtuous as their religion prescribes.
Helem, a Lebanese organization that is neither completely legal nor prohibited,
has its office in an Islamic business district in Beirut, a city that offers
greater political and sexual freedom than any other place in the Arab world.
But even here the organization faces protests and threatening phone calls,
especially from the Gulf states. "Many talk about us as if we were sick people
who must either be healed or abandoned," says Assi.
"Shocking, sad" stories
Unlike Lebanon, Egypt is a place where freedom of opinion is always in
jeopardy. The country's once-blossoming worlds of art and literature are
especially affected. This makes it all the more astonishing that a play could
be produced on a Cairo stage that deals exclusively with sex. Even the play's
title, "Bussy," is a provocation. It resembles the English word "pussy," but it
is also a slang term Egyptian men use to tell a woman to "look here."
And this is precisely what the directors wanted: to attract attention -- to
discrimination, lack of respect and mental immaturity. "We had no intention of
being daring or of provoking anyone. We merely wanted to tell the truth," says
director Naas Chan. The performance was created as an analogue to the famous
New York play, "The Vagina Monologues." When the American production was
performed at the American University in Cairo, it was met with disgust,
indignation and -- enthusiastic applause. But because it had little to do with
the problems of Egyptian women, a group of students decided to stage a sort of
"Islamic Vagina Monologue" with amateur actors.
Ordinary women were asked to talk about love and sex. "Their stories were so
shocking, so touching, sad and amusing that they needed no editing," says Chan.
And that was how "Bussy" was created.
In one scene, a girl, her voice choking with tears, talks about the day her
mother took her to the doctor, without telling her that he was going to
circumcise her. "When I woke up I felt the pain. Something was missing ... the
flesh that they had stolen belonged to me!" Another woman describes her
experience with an imam who, when she was 10, forced her into a closet and
raped her. "When I told my mother about it, she said that I was making it up."
"I was surprised that almost all the stories we got were serious," says
director Chan. The women talked about their experiences with abortions, rapes,
female circumcision and plain, everyday discrimination. Each of the 50 stories
submitted reflects a slice of Egyptian reality. Telling the stories required a
great deal of courage, says Chan. The mere knowledge that one's own story will
be performed in front of an audience represents a break with tradition. Sexual
abuse, says Chan, is considered a family matter, and if it is disclosed to
outsiders, the family feels dishonored and believes the woman has been deprived
of her value.
Abir embodies yet another archetype in Arab-Islamic moral society. She is 32
years old, petite, dark-skinned and wears an expensive, long black wig. She
lives alone in a small but tidy apartment. Images from the days of the Pharaohs
hang on her walls next to large, white pencils -- souvenirs from a trip to
Germany's Rügen Island. Abir sits on a white wooden couch with pink upholstery.
She wears shorts and a pink T-shirt. A tattoo of the sun adorns her right upper
arm and she has a nicotine patch stuck to her left arm.
Abir married for the first time when she was 23. Her mother was dead, her
father bedridden and she had been making a meager living as a maid. The
marriage was a nightmare. Her husband beat her, and on one occasion her
mother-in-law cut off her long black hair and hung it on the wall -- as a
warning. Abir obtained a divorce and took a job in a bar, where she met wealthy
foreigners.
Abir spreads out a series of photos on her coffee table. They show two happy
people, swimming in the ocean, sitting on a park bench, shopping in Germany.
But when the man in the photograph, a German named Ingo, still didn't want to
marry her after three years, Abir broke off the relationship -- on the phone.
"Why should I waste my life?" she asks.
She also has photos of her and Luis, an American, with whom she had a
relationship for a year. Luis wanted to take her home to the United States. "A
wonderful man, he spoiled me," she says. But then they had a falling out and
Luis left without her. He married another woman and Abir was beside herself. By
the time she had come to her senses, she had lost her job as a waitress and
decided to do what she had done in the past. She sold her body.
"Egyptians pay 200 pounds (about €28), and Saudis pay 1,000 pounds or sometimes
even more," says Abir. "Foreigners pay me $200. Condoms are required." She
shows us the results of her most recent AIDS test, which was negative. Without
the test she would not have been granted a German visa. Today she is afraid of
being alone, says prostitute Abir. Almost all of her siblings are married.
"The police give you a hard time, sometimes for no reason at all. It's enough
for them to see an unmarried woman sitting alone in a bar." Prison terms and
beatings are the minimum. If a couple is caught in the act, the woman is the
one who suffers.
Abir wants to get married as soon as possible. She says that she has just met
another American. She wants to take him to the mosque. As a Muslim woman, she
can only marry a Muslim man. And she says the American is going to convert soon
and learn more about her religion.
When that happens, she says, the first thing she will do is get out of Egypt.
Translated from the German by Christopher Sultan
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