http://canadafreepress.com/index.php/article/36464
Personalized Localized Alerting Network
Presidential Texts From The Edge
- J.J. Jackson Saturday, May 14, 2011
President Obama has a PLAN. And by PLAN I mean The Personalized Localized
Alerting Network, announced Monday, which will let government text you on
your cell phone. PLAN is an extension of the Emergency Alert System we have
all come to know, love and often be annoyed by. That ear shattering belch
of a screech we hear so often on the radio, usually followed by the
announcement that "this is only a test", has become pretty much standard for
anyone that doesn't have their head in the sand living a life of Unabomber
simplicity.
According to the Federal Communications Commission, on the PLAN system we
Americans will get three types of texts. The first type will be missing
children Amber Alerts. The second will be texts that warn us about life
threatening situations in our local area. The third, however, is the most
disturbing as it is just simply described as messages from our dear leader
and President, currently Barack Obama.
I can see it now. Had this system been in place just a few weeks ago maybe
we would have gotten a fevered text from an excited President Obama along
the lines of:
"Hello, this is your President. I just wanted to remind you that everything
that has happened since I was elected was George Bush's fault. Except for
recent capture of Osama bin Laden. That was all me baby!"
What else would President Obama perhaps send to us, the lowly peons who he
sees as blessed to simply have him as our President? Thanks to knowing
liberals as well as I do, I can now reveal planned text messages from
President Obama all coming soon to a cell phone near you.
There will be the natural disaster exploitation text:
"Greetings citizen! Because of the recent (insert natural disaster here)
experienced in (insert city here) which has devastated your region, we have
authorized an extra $500 billion in emergency funds to be made available to
help you out through this troubling time. Just proceed to your election
office and either prove you are a registered Democrat or switch your
registration to Democrat if you are not already one, sign a binding pledge
to vote for me on Election Day 2012 and get your fair share! People in
Texas need not apply."
How about the golf score update:
"Sup Dawgs! Just letting you all know I shot a 65 on the course this
morning. Gotta get off to a $2,500 per plate fundraiser now. Peace out!"
There will be the big brother is watching what you eat text:
"STOP! Michelle sees you are getting ready to eat a Snickers bar. Don't
ask how we know. We just know. Are you sure you want to do that? Are you
really, really sure?"
There will be the Soviet style report text:
"Today's news. Everything is wonderful. The country is in great shape.
Would I lie?"
There will be the free money text:
"URGENT! URGENT! I've opened my stash! FREE OBAMA MONEY!"
There will be the anti-corporation/pro man of the people text:
"Just wanted to let everyone know that despite taking huge amounts of money
from Big Oil and Wall Street for my re-election campaign, I am still
committed to getting those evil bastards!"
There will be the suggested reading list text:
"Please find attached to this text a free copy of Saul Alinsky's "Rules For
Radicals" and Chairman Mao's Little Red Book for you to read."
There will be the slam Republicans text:
"Republicans are evil. That is all."
There will be the vote for me or else text:
"Just a reminder, my homies in the New Black Panther Party will be at your
local polling precinct on Election Day to make sure you don't have any
problems voting for me. And if for some reason you won't vote for me these
fine, upstanding citizens will help you change your mind."
And of course there will be the help me please text:
"Hey, anyone seen my teleprompter? I have a big speech to give in five
minutes and I can't go on without it!"
Boy, I sure cannot wait!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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Brooks Isoldi, editor
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http://www.intellnet.org
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