You Couldn't Make This Stuff Up
- Issue #80
By: Joe Spier - June 12, 2011 "Proudly part of the
Zionist controlled media"
1. On January 25, the Egyptian popular uprising in opposition to the
Hosni Mubarak regime began. The rebellion was predominately peaceful with
the army largely staying on the sidelines. Ten days into the revolt, U.S.
President Barack Obama called for Mubarak to resign and on February 11,
Mubarak was gone.
On March 15, the Syrian popular uprising in opposition to the Bashar
al-Assad regime began. Assad's response to the rebellion was brutal and
murderous. Tanks and snipers quell demonstrations, the army lays siege to
towns and cities, helicopter gunships are used on protestors and at least
1,270 people have been killed. The bloodshed suggests that the crackdown by
Assad shows no sign of easing. Today is day 90 of the protest and yet
President Obama has not demanded Assad be gone.
Barry Rubin, the editor of the "Middle East Review of International
Affairs" compares the two dictators:
"Mubarak: Ally of America; Assad: Enemy of America
Mubarak: Enemy of Iran; Assad: Ally of Iran
Mubarak: Fights revolutionary Islamism; Assad: Sponsors revolutionary
Islamism
Mubarak: Opposes international terrorism; Assad: Sponsors international
terrorism
Mubarak: At peace with Israel; Assad: At war with Israel
Mubarak; Repressive; Assad: Extremely repressive
Mubarak: Dictatorship with some pluralism; Assad: Total dictatorship
Mubarak: Limited reforms; Assad: No reforms at all"
So why was Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak so evil in the eyes of
the Obama administration that he had to go while Syrian President Bashar
al-Assad enjoys endless indulgence?
According to "Israpudit", the White House has been excusing their
inaction by claiming that Israel has expressed fears of instability in Syria
if Assad is overthrown, a fig leaf that simultaneously got them off the hook
and blamed Israel. On June 6, Israel's ambassador to the United States,
Michael Oren for the second time denied this when he issued the following
statement; "Israel has expressed no such concerns. Allied with Iran, Mr.
Assad has helped supply 55,000 rockets to Hezbollah and 10,000 to Hamas,
very likely established a clandestine nuclear arms program and profoundly
destabilized the region. The violence he has unleashed on his own people
demonstrating for freedoms confirms Israel's fears that the devil we know in
Syria is worse than the devil we don't."
So we ask again, why hasn't U.S. President Barack Obama demanded that
Bashar al-Assad go? Is it just part of a befuddled and incoherent foreign
policy?
2. Speaking of Syria, perhaps you missed it but last Sunday was "Naksa
Day", the Arabs annual solemn day commemorating the humiliating defeat
suffered at the hands of Israel in the 1967, Six-Day War. The day is
particularly depressing for Syria, as all it gained from invading Israel was
the loss of the Golan Heights. (Memo to Syria and to others who attacked
Israel: - If you don't want to lose land, don't invade your neighbour.)
Syria's Assad regime decided that a dandy way to commemorate Naksa
Day would be to have hundreds of peaceful protestors (except for the ones
carrying petrol bombs or throwing large rocks) storm into the sovereign
territory of Israel in several places from Syria's southern border. This
involved cutting their way through a razor wire fence, crossing no man's
land and then cutting their way through another razor wire fence.
Since most were reluctant, Syrian opposition groups claim that each
protestor, a poverty-stricken farmer, was paid $1,000 by the Assad regime
for turning up; a princely sum since the average wage in Syria is about $200
a month. In addition, they were promised that if any were killed by Israeli
fire, their families would receive $10,000. According to Syrian TV, not
known for its veracity, 23 demonstrators were killed. Israel has no
knowledge of any deaths. As the rioters assaulted the fences attempting to
breach Israel's borders, the IDF first broadcast warnings in Arabic, then
lobbed tear gas, next fired in the air and finally as a last resort used
directed sniper fire to the feet of rioters. So unless these protestors had
their brains in their feet, deaths were unlikely. On second thought, these
guys probably did have their brains in their feet.
If any were in fact killed, they qualify for a "Darwin Award". The
Darwin Awards were conceived by another enterprising blogger with a sense of
humour who bestows a Darwin Award upon anyone who significantly improves the
gene pool by eliminating himself or herself from the human race in an
astounding misapplication of judgment. Those who receive the award are
individuals who have done their best to ensure that the next generation will
be smarter. These heroes??? sacrifice their very lives to give our children
a better future.
3. West Dunbartonshire is a 61 square mile district bordering to the
west of Glasgow, Scotland and is governed by a council made up of 22
councillors. Two years ago, in protest of "the treatment by Israel of
Gazans" the council unanimously passed a resolution boycotting all goods
made or grown in Israel including books printed in Israel. The boycott
remains in effect, though there is no evidence of any councillors dumping
their computers, cell phones or pharmaceuticals. Perhaps a more apt name for
the council might be the West Dumbartonshire Council.
Anyway, it was reported on Wednesday that a group of British Jews
decided to fight back by boycotting all goods and services made or grown in
West Dunbartonshire. Unfortunately, no one has been able to find anything
made in the district, nothing, nada, nicht, niente, gornisht, efes, not even
whiskey.
In the course of their research, the Jewish group did discover that
the life expectancy for Gaza men is longer than that of West Dunbartonshire
men, 71 in Gaza compared to 70 in the Scottish district. The Jewish group is
now considering asking Palestinians in Gaza to send an aid flotilla to West
Dunbartonshire with health tips. The spokesperson for the Jewish group
quipped, "We are asking people from Gaza to send a flotilla with Mars bars,
batter and cooking oil in solidarity."
4. In a previous issue, we reported that on July 1, 2010, Al-Qaeda
launched its on-line English language magazine entitled "Inspire", intended
to appeal to the aspiring homegrown jihadist in the U.S. and the U.K. The
magazine is a lifestyle rag for extremist-minded, English speaking Muslim
youth. Articles include profiles of terrorist leaders and suicide bombers,
an analysis of the role of women in jihad and tips on how not to divulge
information if caught and interrogated. The lead article is "Make A Bomb In
The Kitchen Of Your Mom" a short easy to read manual on how to make a bomb
using ingredients found in a kitchen. Should anyone recently have followed
the bomb making recipe contained in the magazine, this is what the result
would have looked like:
This month, someone, believed to be Britain's Intelligence Agency
MI-6, hacked into the online magazine, replacing the bomb making
instructions with cupcake recipes garnered from "The Best Cupcakes in
America" published by the Ellen DeGeneres Show. You could say that the
hackers cooked up a cupcake cyber attack. Instead of a lethal pipe bomb, the
aspiring terrorist might have ended up with a mojito cupcake made of white
rum cake draped in vanilla buttercream. When "Inspire's" publishers tried to
unpick the hack, the entire online magazine turned into unintelligible
gibberish, including unfortunately the tasty cupcake recipes.
5. Today, Wall Street uber-swindler Bernard Madoff marks his 820th day
behind bars towards his 150-year prison sentence. Hang in there Bernie you
can make it. We are pulling for you, only 53,930 days more to go.
Meanwhile on June 6, the contents of Madoff's Palm Beach mansion went
up for auction, the proceeds to be used to partially compensate his victims.
The items included artwork, Rolex watches, an antique set of golf clubs, an
honorary degree from Yeshiva University and 14 pair of Madoff's used boxer
shorts. Someone must have wanted to get into Bernie's pants very badly
because the undershorts sold for $200. And I thought that nobody would have
wanted to get that close to Madoff anymore.
But $200 for 14 pair of undershorts. I presume that the successful
bidder has never heard of Wal-Mart. While the bidder may fortunately not be
one of those scammed by Madoff, he was surely conned by Bernie's underwear.
Score one for the schemer's skivvies.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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Brooks Isoldi, editor
[email protected]
http://www.intellnet.org
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