One thing that may be going on is that "request" as used in NVC is sometimes a code word for "not a demand."
(And "demand" is defined simply as "I'm not willing to accept 'no' as an answer" -- even if *worded* using request language.) But if "request" is gentler than "demand," then "invitation" is perhaps even gentler than "request." Another thing that may be going on, and this is a common stumbling point with NVC, is that a "request" given on a website cannot possibly truly reflect an understanding of *your* feelings and needs. NVC at its best involves actually connecting through all the levels of observations, feelings, needs, and finally requests *based on* all of the rest; and at its worst, involves predefining a request and abusing the language of observations, feelings, and needs to bolster that predefined request. Cheers, Justin On Tue, Dec 21, 2010 at 11:18 AM, Raffi Aftandelian <[email protected]>wrote: > Friends, > > This end-of-the-year query is directed especially to those who have some > familiarity with Compassionate Communication/Nonviolent Communication (NVC) > and I'd love to hear from all of you! > > I'm wondering what is the difference for you between a request and an > invitation, especially in the context of cultivating inspired leadership? > > A little bit of context- > > The NVC model - as best as I currently understand it- teaches making an > action step, making a "request" of oneself or another- following connecting > with one (or another person's) feelings and needs (what the other person > values). The model teaches that this connection can take place either > verbally or nonverbally. > > Sometimes that action step is a request to connect, to hear more about > where > the other person is coming from. Sometimes that's a request for action on > the part of the other person. > > What I've noticed is that when I read requests made of me- for example when > I read materials from an official NVC website about what is "requested" of > others before attending a workshop-- that my energy level goes way down. I > don't feel very connected and I don't feel very motivated. > > Also, I've heard it said privately by another longtime passionate OST > facilitator who is on the OSlist, that the "personal leadership piece is > missing in OST." So, perhaps there *is* a place for requests??? > > I've heard a tentative hypothesis by one friend of NVC (who is an > OST-friend > and on our list) that an invitation comes from a higher level of > consciousness (than requests). An invitation seems to inspire, to operate > from freedom. > > That makes me wonder is the practice of making a request, including a > "connecting request" (expressing a desire to understand) comes from the > Green Meme in Spiral Dynamics, while invitation is more of a Yellow meme > practice? (I'm not sure framing this question this way is helpful, but just > putting this out there to just stir the pot more). > > All of this is relevant for me as I co-host a biweekly NVC practice space > (2 > hour gathering) and a bimonthly daylong NVC practice gathering. The former > is held in a Whole Person Process Facilitation container, using OST > principles (this means we don't call it "pure" OST-- rather there is an > opportunity to self-connect and get to know each other a little bit and > then > we create the agenda and get to work, then reconvene in large circle; we're > a group of 7-15 each time). The latter is almost pure OST-- we start with a > short meditation for self-connection and then it's pure OST from there. > > An ongoing concern is how to support "integrity and competence" in NVC > practice. We don't have any requirements (or requests)- yet!- of people who > come in terms of skill level or knowledge before coming. And we find that > while the space we create is great for community-building, we are unsure > about the amount of learning that takes place. People show up - or not- as > they see fit. People may have very limited knowledge of NVC practice > > And thus far, we haven't made requests of those attending, in part because > I > find when I imagine making requests - whether to take a course or read a > book about NVC- that my level of energy goes down. To use a judgement word- > it sounds like being controlling. And at the same time, I really wish for a > practice space where we work with NVC with some level of integrity and > competence. > > Any thoughts??? Auggestions? Ideas?? > > Thanks much! > > happy holidays! > warmly, > raffi > > San Diego (which is not sunny, but is having record-breaking rain! San > Seattle??) > > p.s. I'll be x-posting to an NVC e-group as well... > > * > * > ========================================================== > [email protected] > ------------------------------ > To subscribe, unsubscribe, change your options, > view the archives of [email protected]: > http://listserv.boisestate.edu/archives/oslist.html > > To learn about OpenSpaceEmailLists and OSLIST FAQs: > http://www.openspaceworld.org/oslist > * * ========================================================== [email protected] ------------------------------ To subscribe, unsubscribe, change your options, view the archives of [email protected]: http://listserv.boisestate.edu/archives/oslist.html To learn about OpenSpaceEmailLists and OSLIST FAQs: http://www.openspaceworld.org/oslist
