I have not attended a memorial service in Open Space Technology, but I have attended on in open space. It was a Quaker memorial and the context was this.
Many years ago (13 now) I became involved in a relationship for a short time with a woman named Naomi who had just left her Salvadoran boyfriend of three years, Jose. She was a wonderful woman, an activist who was well known in Toronto and Peterborough, Ontario for her work on anti-apartheid and Central American issues. We were together for a few months and then she got back together with Jose. Jose was a wonderful guy too. He grew up in El Slavador and came to Canada as a refugee when he was 16 with a couple of his brothers. He was sponsored by a well known Quaker organization. He certainly had had his share of struggles in his life and whatever happened between Naomi and him culminated very sadly in a murder/suicide just before Christmas in 1988. Of course we were all shocked and in deep grief over this loss of two people in the prime of their lives. Both were 21. People were at a tremendous loss to make sense of Jose's motive and vast numbers of people who had worked with both of them in development issues and the social justice world were especially hurt by the fact that they were both such committed witnesses to peace. The way Naomi was killed was in direct opposition to how she lived her life. We had Naomi's memorial service first and the next day attended Jose's, which was held in a Quaker meeting place. A few of us who were close friends accompanied Naomi's sister to that service, which was also attended by Jose's brothers. In a Quaker setting, we were gathered in a circle and no one spoke until they were moved to speak. Then comments and stories began to flow. Mostly they were rememberances of Jose, his bright spirit and expressions of people's deep pain that his life had turned so dark so suddenly. And then Naomi's sister spoke. And she took the courageous step of forgiving Jose and forgiving his brothers who were visably wracked with guilt. She not only did that but she spoke of the deep love she had developed for him over the three years she had known him, and paid tributes to him and his brothers for the tremendous committment to life they had exhibited. When she finished speaking, people were quiet for a very long time, and when folks finally started speaking again the comments were deep and personal and clearly showed people beginning to try to make sense of the tradgedy. I believe that Naomi's sister opened space that day for a vast healing to begin, and although it took her and her family many many years to deal with the loss of Naomi (and of course on one level they may never fully recover), the Spirit that was with them from that moment forward helped the healing to begin. It was an affirmation of the beauty of Spirit in Spirit's darkest hour. I have not attended Friends meetings other than this one, but have been told that the Quaker process mimics Open Space Technology in it's deep essence of people engaging with Spirit. Having experienced that memorial service and seeing the difference between that one and the Methodist one we gave Naomi, I can safely say that the process would be an interesting one to use. Perhaps that is an understatement. While I am in a personal mood, perhaps another story, with a happier ending would be in order. My partner Caitlin and I got married in Open Space...although we had not yet found OST. When we got married we decided to honour our various cultural inhereitances, including Irish, Ojibway and African. Our ceremony went this way. We invited only our families, people who were passionate about us and had all taken a great deal of responsibility for who we are. We gathered in a circle and opened with a sweetgrass smudge. We then followed and old Irish ritual and opened a bottle of wine, poured it into a goblet and passed it around the circle. Those who held the goblet spoke out of passion for us and indicated their responsibilities for helping our relationship to grow and thrive. We captured these stories, poems, songs and drawings in a hand made book of proceedings which our friends later added to. To conclude the ceremony we honored our families with gifts for all of them, representing how we felt about each. Following the ceremony, there was a convergence, but I won't go into that... Chris -- CHRIS CORRIGAN Consultation - Facilitation Open Space Technology http://www.chriscorrigan.com 108-1035 Pacific Street Vancouver BC V6E 4G7 Phone: 604.683.3080 Fax: 604.683.3036 [email protected] * * ========================================================== [email protected] To subscribe, unsubscribe, change your options, view the archives of [email protected] Visit: http://listserv.boisestate.edu/archives/oslist.html =========================================================== [email protected] To subscribe, 1. Visit: http://www.egroups.com/group/oslist 2. Sign up -- provide an email address, and choose a login ID and password 3. Click on "Subscribe" and follow the instructions To unsubscribe, change your options, view the archives of [email protected]: 1. Visit: http://www.egroups.com/group/oslist 2. Sign in and Proceed
