...cheers! hope to see Riddley Wilbur McDermott and you at the WOSonOS
humming baroque music...
hugs
mmp
On 20.01.2012 01:34, Phelim McDermott wrote:
Dear open space friends,
Matilda and I have been a little absent from the list and just wanted
to check in with you all as to what's been happening and our
extraordinary start to the year.
For the end of last year I had been working on an Opera at the Met in
New York. Matilda became pregnant in April and because of this work
commitment if we wanted to be together for the birth we had to have
it in New York. Because of the show timing was also an issue.
Although we knew that whenever it happened was the right time, we had
also been talking to our baby in the womb and encouraging it that if
it could just hold off a little while it would get to hear the opera
and that if it came during rehearsals it would probably miss the
chance of hearing the baroque music that's supposed to be so good for
your baby in utero! On 31st, Dec 2011 The Enchanted Island opened.
Matilda was there on opening night and we were greatly relieved that
things were happening in the order we had hoped for.
We then imagined we might even get a bit of a break for preparation
before anything else happened. However, two days later on the evening
of the Monday Matilda's first contractions began. (Whenever it starts
is the right time.) We met our Doula (birthing companion) briefly
then went for a meal at the Italian restaurant on the corner of 8th
and C, (It's amazing how quickly your food arrives if you tell them
your wife's having contractions). Then we went back to our East
Village apartment and put up the birthing pool we had hired, hoping
that the midwife’s assurance that it was like approximately 8 big men
drinking beer in your kitchen was accurate and it wasn't going to
crash through the floor. Then we went to bed and tried to get some
sleep. Matilda being Matilda there wasn't much of that, nor for the
next four nights.
Next morning We gathered around the empty birthing pool. This was our
circle. Increasing our numbers with some toy monkeys and an elephant
who had been given as a gift for the baby we opened the space for our
birth. We made An invitation for this new life to come into the
world. The principles were up on our apartment walls and we posted
sessions that could happen at any time. They included “Music and
dancing”, “Wise Teachers”, “Love and welcome”, “Filling the pool”
etc..
Now if you go through the principles and think about it you’ll
realise how pertinent they are for a genuine birth. Especially when
you are hundred miles from home and dealing with all the things that
come with setting up for the holding of space for the entry of a new
life into this world.
Whenever it starts is the right time. Whoever comes are the right
people. When it's over it's over. (and when not over it's not over of
course!) Whatever happens is the only thing that could have. Wherever
it happens is the right place.
Law of two feet/mobility.
Be prepared to be surprised!
Amazed at how marginalised the midwifing community is in the USA
compared to Europe we had watched the great film “The business of
being born” and had been given a recommendation by our UK midwife of
a midwife in the States. We discovered it was not only the midwife in
this film but that she was living two streets away from us in the
East village opposite a restaurant called “Matilda”!
During our pre birth work we had been doing a lot of studying,
finding out about midwifery and had been amazed by Michel Odent's and
also Ina May Gaskin's work. Lots of the literature could easily be
interchangeable with work on creativity/opening space. For example:
Odent's advice that he usually turns up at a birth and says: “Do you
mind if I go take a nap in the room down the corridor.” Also “the
best place for an obstetricians hands are in his pockets” etc.. All
this work is about space.. space.. opening space.. Holding space. Its
about trusting in emergence, whilst holding off on intervention.
Over the next four days with the help of our amazing Midwife Cara and
our Doula Angelique we went on an extraordinary roller coaster of
physical and emotional experience. They were both fantastic at
holding and creating a safe space for us both and they allowed me to
support Matilda in following herself mentally and physically.
It was an incredibly challenging birth because of what turned out to
be our little son's position against Matilda's back, so it was very
long and although it looked like we may have to go to hospital at the
later stages, our wonderful Midwife and Doula and their team of
helpers who appeared in various guises throughout the three days
pulled us through and our home birth happened as we had hoped. Others
who helped were Pat an astonishing acupuncturist who turned up on the
Thursday night who just happened to be nearby and gave Matilda
"liquid hips”! and Miriam a midwife colleague of Cara's who appeared
because she had texted Cara to meet for a coffee just when we needed
support because it looked like the baby’s heart was slowing. She
walked through the door to see the babies head crowning. Truly
whoever comes are the right people! She then helped getting the baby
out fast with Cara to speed things up as his heart was slowing. We
stood Matilda up and the baby was born not in the pool but in front
of our sofa. (Wherever it happens is the right place.)
As well as them, Matilda was of course amazing and inspiring. Doing
it all without painkillers and using only myself, a birthing pool,
the open space principles and repeated playings of "The Bare
Necessities" to get her through.
At 8.47am on the 6th Jan 2012 the baby was born. Because of his
difficult route his head was squished into a rather dramatic lopsided
horn, (“be prepared to be surprised” and “whatever happens is the
only thing that could have”), which quickly disappeared. Riddley
Wilbur McDermott (Whoever comes are the right people.) is now doing
very well. He is particularly beautiful.
Here's a photo of him:
http://clusterform.tumblr.com/post/16137649871/riddley-wilbur-mcdermott-libatique-73-lens-kodot
Our birth has now happened. (when it's over it's over) But the space
that has opened where our baby boy now exists is astounding, scary,
exhilarating and profoundly humbling. We love him.
For our new family it is of course just beginning... (When it's not
over it's not over.)
Lots of love
Phelim X
________________________________
I generally pick up emails only at the beginning and end of the
working day. I am currently aiming to respond the following day. If
it is urgent please call me on 07956 187298.
_____________________________________
www.improbable.co.uk @openspacer @wosonos2012
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