Subject: FW: Dumb Blokes > It's "Let's pick on men instead of blondes" time . . . >> >> 1. What do you call a handcuffed man? >> Trustworthy. >> >> 2. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath >> and calling your name? >> You didn't hold the pillow down long enough. >> >> 3. Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? >> Because if they all went, it would be Hell. >> >> 4. Why do men like smart women? >> Opposites attract. >> >> 5. How are husbands like lawn mowers? >> They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half >> the time they don't work. >> >> 6. How can you tell when a man is well hung? >> When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck >> and the noose. >> >> 7. How do men define a "50/50" relationship? >> We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle. >> >> 8. How do men exercise on the beach? >> By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini. >> >> 9. How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? >> Make him wear shoes. >> >> 10. How does a man show he's planning for the future? >> He buys two cases of beer instead of one. >> >> 11. How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male? >> All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs. >> >> 12. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? >> ONE .........He just holds it up there and waits for the >> world to revolve around him. >> >> 13. What did God say after creating man? >> I can do so much better. >> >> 14. What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant? >> Any place without a drive-up window. >> >> 15. What do you call a man with half a brain? >> Gifted. >> >> 16. What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women >> Exchange him. >> >> 17. What should you give a man who has everything? >> A woman to show him how to work it. >> >> 18. What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship? >> Telling you his real name. >> >> 19. What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups? >> Put the remote control between his toes. >> >> 20. What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man? >> Big Foot's been spotted several times. >> >> 21. What's the smartest thing a man can say? >> "My wife says..." >> >> 22. Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners? >> So men can understand them. >> >> 23. Why did God create man before woman? >> Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft >> before creating your masterpiece. >> >> 24. Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating? >> To stop the snoring before it starts. >> >> 25. Why do jocks play on artificial turf? >> To keep them from grazing. >> >> 26. Why do men need instant replay on TV sports? >> Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened. >> >> 27. Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg? >> Because not one will stop and ask for directions. >> >> 28. Why is it good that there are female astronauts? >> When the crew gets lost in space, at least the woman will ask for >> directions. >> >> 29. Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women? >> When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there. > Cheers Di -- This mailing list is sponsored by ACE Graphics. Visit <http://www.acegraphics.com.au> to subscribe or unsubscribe.
