[ozmidwifery] Fw: Fwd: Who's got the brains???

[Rhonda]

Just passing on the funny ones.. Not enough laughs lately! Regards Rhonda > > 3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? > An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and >forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the >kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts. > > > 5. DID I SAY THAT??? > Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just >couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in >the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the >man shouted, "That's not what I said!" > > 6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING?? > A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her >contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the >doctor asked. "No!", the man shouted, "This is her husband!". > > 7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!! > In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying >to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and >a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand >in his pocket. (Hellllllooooooo!) > > 8. THE GRAND FINALE > Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an >houreast of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were >having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their >brand new 22ft boat going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, >no matter how much power was applied. After about an hour of trying to make >it go, they putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell >them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in >perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and >down, the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys >jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he >was laughing so hard. > > NOW REMEMBER ..THIS IS TRUE... Under the boat, still strapped >securely in place, was the trailer.   ____________________________________________________   IncrediMail - Email has finally evolved - Click Here

--- Begin Message --- > 1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
> AT&T FIRED President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked
>intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package.
>Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
>
> 2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
> Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a
>gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear
>gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in
>the police line, shouting "Please come out and give yourself up."
>
> 3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
> An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and
>forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the
>kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
>
> 4. THE GETAWAY!
> A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the
>money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up
>the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police
>showed up and grabbed him.
>
> 5. DID I SAY THAT???
> Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just
>couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in
>the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the
>man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
>
> 6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??
> A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her
>contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the
>doctor asked. "No!", the man shouted, "This is her husband!".
>
> 7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!
> In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying
>to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and
>a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand
>in his pocket. (Hellllllooooooo!)
>
> 8. THE GRAND FINALE
> Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an
>houreast of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were
>having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their
>brand new 22ft boat going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver,
>no matter how much power was applied. After about an hour of trying to make
>it go, they putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell
>them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in
>perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and
>down, the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys
>jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he
>was laughing so hard.
>
> NOW REMEMBER ..THIS IS TRUE... Under the boat, still strapped
>securely in place, was the trailer.



--- End Message ---