Hi Melissa, Thanks for this message.Your words will continue to keep me open to listening to more tales of hurt while I also learn how to better advocate for women I'm supporting.
What I find really hard to know how to respond to is when women themselves say 'I've got the baby - that's what matters' while they are very obviously traumatised and clamp down on the birth topic. Some gentle comment, but one which indicates that a well baby is NOT the only desirable result of a birth and an offer to listen down the track seems all I can do. And this hurts me too! On this note, I have a friend who had a 'bad' birth in 1961. She had another baby in 1969 but didn't get any pregnancy care until she was 7 1/2 months pregnant because she was so much in denial about it and fearful of the birth. She took herself to a woman GP who had had 8 children herself at that time and helped her ease her panic with a breathing technique. Well my friend swears by 'the breathing'. Her story is that her waters broke, she began contracting and she stayed well away from the hospital - walking through Lane Cove parkland, visiting friends around and about and then when they did get to the hospital, at her husband's begging, she refused to go in until she felt sure the baby was about to be born. She staggered in, the midwife took one look at her, ushered her into a room where the baby was born immediately, the birth missed by the father who was getting into his required hospital garb. Back then the midwives were congratulating her , saying, 'well done, we saw ! ! you out there on the grass, we knew what you were doing'. Margie At Sun, 10 Nov 2002 21:52:43 +0800, rem & melissa bruijn ([EMAIL PROTECTED]) wrote: > MArgie - just wanted to say THANK YOU for these words. The > biggest thing I > am finding for anyone who has been traumatised by their birth > experience is > GETTING VALIDATION. > > Everytime someone says "It is not ok", as you have, it lets us > hear that our > pain is valid. We usually hear "but you're fine and the baby is > fine" > whenever we mention our difficulties to others. Hearing "It is > not ok" also > gives us permission to grieve, for it admits that there IS another > way that > IS ok...and we have missed out on it. It is important to > acknowledge this. > > And the way you wrote about having had the honour of supporting > traumatised > women on their new journey...that just fills me with hope, and > gratitude > that there are people like you out there. Thank you, > > Melissa > > ---------- > >From: Margie Perkins <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> > >To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] > >Subject: [ozmidwifery] hurtful birth experiences > >Date: Thu, 7 Nov 2002 4:21 PM > > > > > My heart goes out to everyone who is sharing or has had soul and > body > > hurting births. It is not ok. And must change. I have had the > honour of > > supporting a number of women who have previously been > traumatised by > > caesareans (or other things) and it is something so special to > be part of > > their new journey. > > > > love and the greatest respect to you all. > > > > Margie > > > > > > At Thu, 7 Nov 2002 17:39:56 +1100 (AUS Eastern Daylight Time), > > Rhonda ([EMAIL PROTECTED]) wrote: > >> I suggest tjhat you allow her to be angry and to vent her pain > and > >> her anger > >> towards those who caused it. Support her in complaining to the > >> hospital > >> and insisting upon answers as lame as they may be. If she were > to > >> ask why > >> was the induction needed? Was the baby in distress (at the time > >> of the > >> first insertion of gel - a horrible substance called prostin > made > >> from Pig > >> seamen. > >> Lovely!) Was her placenta failing? What was the indication that > >> at 10 days > >> over she needed to be induced anyway? > >> Then once they have wormed out of that she should ask for > >> explanations as to > >> why all of the intervention and what caused it and why was it > all > >> needed. > >> > >> Give her lots of love and support to do this as nothing will > >> change and it > >> will keep happening unless women are encouraged to complain and > >> conplain and > >> complain! > >> Even if she personally gets little satisfaction fron the > complaint > >> it is > >> just one more brick to add - eventually we will built a wall to > >> protect > >> women from this - brick by brick. > >> > >> You need to complain first to the registra at the hospital but > at > >> the same > >> time go directly to the medical practitioners board and make > sure > >> it > >> outlines that the initial induction was not called for and the > >> following > >> intervention could have been avoided. Also any poor bedside > >> manner should > >> be outlines clearly if they were rude to her which it seems they > >> were not > >> supportive and gentle from your description. > >> > >> I wish her love and luck in her recovery - if she needs someone > to > >> talk to > >> you are welcome to give her my email. > >> > >> The problem is this happens every day and it is not looked at as > >> torture or > >> as something that needs to be changed. The only way it will be > >> seen as a > >> problem is if they are inundated with complaints about this sort > >> of thing. > >> > >> Luv > >> Rhonda. > >> > >> I am so angry for her - it just shpuld not happen and make sure > >> she knows > >> she is right to be upset because it is not a fault with her body > >> and it is > >> not that it just happens - it should not have happened to her. > >> Make sure > >> she knows why it was not necessary and why it should not have > >> happened. > >> > >> > >> -------Original Message------- > >> > >> From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] > >> Date: Thursday, November 07, 2002 14:44:32 > >> To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] > >> Subject: Re: [ozmidwifery] Interesting fact > >> > >> Whew, Rhonda. > >> I heard this morning from a friend about a friend of hers, aged > >> 19, whose > >> baby was 10 days late; ob insisted on inducing with gel, nothing > >> much > >> happening, into hosp., more drugs, foetal monitoring, on her > back, > >> strapped > >> down to bed, more drugs, epidural, more of same, enormous > >> episiotomy, cut > >> artery, blood gushing in spurts, vacuum to head, two big men > >> hauling as > >> though it was a tug-of-war, massive lump on baby's head > >> accompanied by ring > >> of scars, she's stitched up, off her face, baby won't wake up, > >> won't feed, > >> she's being pumped every six hours for milk which they're > somehow > >> force > >> feeding to baby. but hey, at least she's ok and the baby's ok, > >> they tell her > >> and she repeats as she recovers from her torture. Yes, it's > >> happening under > >> our noses. In Adelaide, November, 2002. > >> ...and I'm screaming inside for women and children...who are our > >> future. > >> > >> Aviva > >> ----- Original Message ----- > >> From: Rhonda > >> To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] > >> Sent: Wednesday, November 06, 2002 1:05 AM > >> Subject: RE: [ozmidwifery] Interesting fact > >> > >> > >> > >> Well Megan, > >> > >> I guess the only way to really understand is this.. > >> > >> I can honestly and acceptingly say (as I cannot change what has > >> happened and I have dealt with it in my own way)ay to really > >> understand is this..=0D > >> =0D > >> I can honestly and acceptingly say (as I cannot change what has > >> happened = > >> and I have dealt with it in my own way) > > > > > > > > -------------------------------------------------------- > > > > Looking for a free email account? > > Get one now at http://www.freemail.com.au/ > > > > -------------------------------------------------------- > -- > This mailing list is sponsored by ACE Graphics. > Visit <http://www.acegraphics.com.au> to subscribe or unsubscribe. -------------------------------------------------------- Looking for a free email account? 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