Hi,
Well you know how people say that nothing can prepare you for
parenthood? Well they are absolutely right! The rewards and the
demands are both ultimately so much greater than i could have imagined.
The main difficulty is lack of sleep. As someone who liked to get
about 7 hours or so a night, i am now surviving on small blocks of 2-3 hours
each if i'm lucky. There have been a couple of times where i got 4
hours, but that is a total luxury. And napping during the day is easier
said than done. I seem to be hit with insomnia at times, although i am
absolutely dead tired, i can't sleep sometimes. Although one amazing
thing is that although I am thoroughly exhausted at times, any cries from
Luna and i'm up like a flash, ready and alert to see to her needs. Must
be something instinctive, in the past nothing would wake me from a deep
slumber. Being a full time mother is the ultimate test of tolerance and
at the same time the most gorgeously fulfilling experience. Somehow i
have developed this immense patience which i have never had before. The
hardest times are when Luna is crying and I cannot figure out why. She
is not hungry, has a clean nappy, is being waited on hand and foot, yet
sometimes the screaming becomes hysterical. It was hardest the first
night i came home on my own. Jonathan was out at the Eclipse Festival, I
hadn't had more than an hour or 2 sleep at a time for the last few days, my
milk had just come in so my boobs were huge, hard, engorged
milk jugs which felt like immense bruises that made you flinch with pain every
time you moved, and our little darling was screaming hysterically. When
i put her in her sling and walked around it soothed her, but due to my
exhaustion i simply could not physically continue this all night. I felt
exhausted, drained and just empty, plus not knowing what was wrong with Luna
made me feel pathetic. But luckily I called a parent helpline as i
needed to talk to someone in the middle of the night and they assured me that
it was most likely that Luna had a belly ache from the change of
milk in my boobs which happens to almost all babies when the milk comes
in a few days after birth. In the first few days there is a concentrated
protein called colostrum for the newborn, but then the milk comes in and it
doesn't rain it pours! It takes a few days/weeks for your milk supply to
adjust to the needs of the baby, but at first it is painful and your boobs
swell up, leaking everywhere. Breastfeeding is the biggest challenge by
far. In thinking it would be an automatic instinctive thing, I was
surprised and frustrated to find that there really is a real learnt art to
'latching on' the baby to the breast properly so that they are milking it
properly and not just chewing on your nipple. In the paste we would
have observed mothers breastfeeding and learnt from this, but in our
society we are so separated that these things are alien to us. Luna
and I have totally mastered the art now, luckily i never got cracked
nipples or anything like that, and now we can do it walking around, sitting
down, you name it. If she's hungry nothing will stop her! There is
something so precious about looking down and seeing your body nourishing this
little human. She is so excited to have a feed, gets all wriggly and
puts in all her effort into having a good long drink. I love it,
especially after the initial difficulties, it is so rewarding to see her
thriving and growing and getting stronger.
I have changed well over a hundred nappies already, about 12 a day.
Luna loves to get a nice clean nappy on and then let rip with a monster
mustard poo. "Thankyou mummy for the clean nappy for me to squirt my poo
into!" But i love nappy change time, she loves it too. She
wriggles and smiles and goos and gaas and you can just see that she loves it -
which is good because we are changing nappies all the time. The whole
time i carry on a conversation with her, 2 sided of course, I do the talking
for her because she can only think it. If you were listening you'd think
i'm mad, but she loves her talks with mummy. She hated her first few baths but
now she likes them too, although we only need to bath her every few
days.
Nothing could have prepared me for the rewards of looking at this
gorgeous little person. It defies description, she is so perfect.
Even when she's screaming her head off in the middle of the night, i still
find her so precious. I can see how people go crazy with their kids, it
really is an effort to remain calm and soothe her. Sometimes she has a
sore belly and just needs to be rocked, sometimes she's overtired and
just needs to rest, for that the sling is perfect because it snuggles her
like a little cocoon. She goes everywhere with me in the sling, she
is perfectly content - walking up to the shops, going on the bus to the
internet cafe where she is right now, snuggled in her little cocoon, peaceful
as a little angel.
It certainly is a big adjustment, at the moment my life pretty much
revolves around her, but it is the most fulfilling and amazing experience to
have this little precious human life right here, there is so much for her to
learn and discover, i feel so priveledged to be such a big part of it.
It is the ultimate full on responsibility, but the most heartwarming and
enriching feeling ever,
Love from Alice xxx
P.S. I still have my placenta, it's in the freezer, I suppose i
should eat it hey?!?!?
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