|
YOU KNOW YOU'RE DRINKING TOO MUCH COFFEE
WHEN...
You ski uphill. You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked. You speed walk in your sleep. You answer the door before people knock. You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse. You sleep with your eyes open. You have to watch videos in fast-forward. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer. You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there. You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse. Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's coffee." You can type sixty words per minute with your feet. You can jump-start your car without cables. Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low." You've worn out the handle on your favourite mug. You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee. You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in. You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them. You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers. Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house. You're so wired, you pick up AM radio. People can test their batteries in your ears. Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans. Instant coffee takes too long. You channel surf faster without a remote. When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop." Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil. You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar." Your Thermos is on wheels. You can outlast the Energizer bunny. You don't even wait for the water to boil any more. Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale. You think being called a "drip" is a compliment. You can't even remember your second cup. Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London. You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate. You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation." |
