Dear Anonymous
 
I've been there done that. I stood alone in a system, stood my ground in a case seen by the HCC, saw a doctor deregistered for his actions but paid a hefty price myself. By speaking up I was labelled a 'troublemaker' and had IMMENSE difficulty gaining work in other hospitals, whom I  subsequently realised were playing chinese whispers. Lots of hearsay and very little of the truth.
 
Just beware that a hospital may only support you on the surface, dont expect anything from them that will step outside the boundaries of keeping the peace. It simply wont happen. Watch for your peers they will often be supportive at the time but not prepared to go the distance with you.
 
Look after yourself. I was very good at bottling things up. Didnt talk about them because I was in a desert where no-one quite understood and no-one could say anything constructive. It took four years for me to crack, and when I eventually did, the year prior to it was one spent in anger and lashing out at the system/doctors. I didnt pick it for what it was that was happening to me until small issues became huge and I eventually lost the plot completely and in the process alienated myself from the system and colleagues. It's taken me two years to put the pieces back together but now, I'm a stronger more self aware midwife. However, thoughts of what I went through will still make me teary , so i put it in a place where I rarely bring it out these days.
 
 Do your homework. If you want to push changes you'll not be doing it for your professional well being. You'll be doing for your personal integrity only. And you'll be doing it for the women.
 
Talk to the NRB, talk to the HCC, talk to the Nurses Union. Talk to the ACMI.
 
There are so many of us out there who understand your feelings and so many who feel they make not much of a difference anymore. You are not alone in your immense frustration at the brutalisation of these women.
 
There will be light at the end of the tunnel for you. It might not be prior to your resignation, it might not be next year, but you will learn and gain strength and wisdom from whatever action you choose to take. I"m  firm believer there is always good that comes from bad.
 
Good Luck.
 
Robin
 
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Saturday, November 08, 2003 9:04 AM
Subject: [ozmidwifery] Advise, encouragement, support

I am leaving a midwifery position where I have continually witnessed brutal assaults to labouring, birthing women, no doubt deeply traumatised by their experience for a long time afterward, likewise their significant others supporting them during the childbirth experience.  Prior to my resignation I need to make a difference. 
Initially I was horrified, complained to other midwives/obstetric nurses I work with, whom were judgemental, commenting that perhaps I should seek employment elsewhere.  I complained to the unit manager whom decided I should attend the next obstetric meeting sharing my concerns with obstetricians involved.(And get shot between the eyeballs) 
As a stand alone midwife, NZ trained, I began informing women what to expect with vaginal examinations and what not to expect, hence:discomfort, not excruciating pain. That painful VE are unnecessary.
Feedback from women post VE:
"I felt like I had been raped."
"It felt like my wisdom teeth were being pulled out through my vagina."
"The pain was so bad I tried to crawl out the top of the bed to get away."
"My husband will never forgive me for this."
Breaks my heart and brings tears to my eyes that this crap is allowed to continue.  My main goal is to make a change for even one women that I make a connection with, the reason I continued to work there.
 For my professional, personal well being, but mostly for women I need to take this one step further.   I desperately want these obstetricians to realise that their vaginal examinations are brutal assaults and not acceptable. 
I am prepared to do what ever it takes to stop women suffering.  
  Any advise would be greatly appreciated.
 
At this point I would prefer to remain anonymous for the time being, I know you will understand.
 
THANKS
 
 
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