----- Original Message -----
Sent: Monday, May 17, 2004 4:16 AM
Subject: [ozmidwifery] "good baby"
long
I have been following the baby sleeping and parenting
threads with interest over the last little while and just wanted to share my
10 cents worth.I am only speaking on behalf of my experience and
observations and advice from some of my family, friends and women I have
looked after over the years.
Good baby
I had wanted to ask you what you thought a "good baby" was,
as I get asked that all of the time. This is of course after they have said
how cute she is and what a smiley baby Ena is. I know they are really
asking me how long she sleeps but I will always say something like "Of course
she is a good baby, she's mine!" or question them about how can a baby be good
or bad? Then they ask me (Ena is nearly 6 months old) how she sleeps and
I just say "as a baby sleeps". Sometimes you can see the frustration appear
before the big question "does she sleep through" or "how long does she sleep?"
I say sometimes or when she feels like it blah, blah, blah. It seems to me to
be all so negative because unless she is sleeping for at least 8 hours she is
bad and she's not. I find there are plus and minuses for both the broken
nights sleep and the 8 hours. When she wakes in the night I get a few sessions
of a couple of hours solid sleep and she will stay in bed till about 0800.
When she sleeps for 8 hours and wakes at 0600, I have usually been awake
listening to make sure she is still alive (she starts the night feeding next
to me, then I put her in her cot at the end of our bed and whenever she wakes
I change her and she comes back into bed with us till I get up). If she has
had the 8 hours then she wants to get up much earlier and then so do I. Ena
sleeps in the sling for a quick nap in the morning or the pram when we go for
a long walk (and coffee) and I have a lie down with her in the afternoon and
she feeds off to sleep. When we are out she is smiley and happy generally and
I take the sling for her to sleep in when she gets tired.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing the right thing and your
commentary reassures me to listen to Ena and my gut and enjoy her which I do.
I can't get my head around a routine as she is changing all of the time and
the above outline changes on a daily basis depending on what we are up to. As
she is our only child I have the luxury of not having to factor in other
children and I only plan 1 thing per day if I can as otherwise I know I would
get all hepped up and then not be calm for Ena. Andrew, My "good" husband
reminds me that my most important job is looking after our daughter and when I
feel I haven't done anything all day this is good to remember. I have said
these things to mothers for years yet when it is yourself you can be a hard
judge.
I think of Ena as a little person in a foreign world that we
are teaching her to survive in. I wouldn't like Andrew to put me to bed, leave
me screaming to teach me who's boss and his "routine". She is growing up so
fast and in September I will be back at work and she will be so much bigger
and these rainy afternoons of just playing, feeding and sleeping together will
all too soon be a distant memory. Watching her hands spread out on my skin as
she feeds or her rooting around for my breast when she comes off in her sleep
are such beautiful experiences that it is a shame if we are forced not to
enjoy and savour this beautiful part of motherhood.
Good husband/partner
Belinda made mention a few weeks ago that just because the
partner cleans a bit or cooks etc doesn't make them "good". This I do agree
with as if they iron or clean the bathroom people tell you, you are lucky to
have such a good bloke. I think the domestic things are shared and this should
be a given although since I am at home I do more so we have the weekends free.
What makes life so much easier is when your partner loves having your baby in
bed too, when they trust your instincts and when they, like you put the babies
needs first. You then don't feel guilty or inadequate at home but a
goddess.
These are just my thoughts and I am sure wouldn't suit
everyone but sometimes it is like there are people around you just won't let
you enjoy this parenthood caper and if you are you must be doing something
wrong or "making a rod for your own back".
