RE: [ozmidwifery] Birth Attendant / Doula - Hunter Valley Area

[Kelly @ BellyBelly]

Title: Re: [ozmidwifery] Birth Attendant / Doula - Hunter Valley Area

Yep Justine, I meant what I said but it seems it has been misinterpreted – by gentle I mean someone who is warm and compassionate and as for the mainstream bit, I personally feel she needs someone with her who has been in and understands the ‘mainstream’ system (perhaps medical system a better word?) as she will be giving birth in hospital and not home. She wont birth at home and she has lost one of her twins already in the first trimester, second twin is fine, and given she is hoping to have a VBAC she needs someone who understands all the crap that goes with it and what pressure she will be put under in the medical system. She doesn’t need someone angry about the system, fired up and driven – rather someone focused who knows what to expect. Especially because most of the women I support have not had support before, so I see it as a very impressionable time, where they will establish an opinion on Birth Support, what they think of it and what they will tell others about it (especially on my own site which has around 3,000 unique visitors a day this is a big audience) – so it’s important to me that I appeal to them on their level while empowering them with information which will not overwhelm but form questions and build confidence. Then this will facilitate the growth and high regard of birth support. Sure it’s huge in the homebirth arena but it has a LONG way to go in the medical system where they need our help to change things the most, where I want to help.   Regardless, all of the women I have supported have felt empowered and were very satisfied with their births, so that’s the main thing. I give them recommendations of all the best stuff to read (e.g. Janet Balaskas, Sheila Kitzinger, Henci Goer etc) and websites to check out – but it’s their choice if they read that or not. I also have a sticky post in my forums (stuck to the top of the birth pages) for Choices for Childbirth workshops, recommend a private childbirth educator, Doulas etc and things like that – I am a member of the Maternity Coalition but as a ‘consumer’ in the ‘mainstream’ I don’t think they really see the true benefit or appeal of joining or really understand the huge things that the MC do and what it means for them – and I hope this will be taken constructively. You can of course tell them and promote it etc, but they just don’t realize what they are up against in the medical system until they have been there, or bothered to read about it. And being pregnant and wrapped up in babies, honestly, how many women do you think are dying to read about the medical system and what they are up against? Many just want to read about babies and they think their Ob’s will save them, do the right thing etc. They have NO confidence.   Some of the women who trained when I did had not been into a hospital birth before. So when I took in the video of the twin vaginal birth I supported, some of them were completely horrified and gobsmacked with the environment and what went on. If a woman was supported in hospital by someone who was horrified and overwhelmed then this could be a problem – you can’t carry your own crap into a birth and you need to be there for THEM and the birth they want – which is formed through pre-natal visits where you have the opportunity to educate. I did not mean to offend; I appreciate what you are doing and offering women and honour your wonderful births. I do feel there is a big gap between where ‘we’ are and where the ‘mainstream’ are - we need to bridge this, not make them jump. And in the words of Rachel Hunter while washing her hair, ‘It won’t happen overnight but it will happen.’   Some people are ignorant no matter what birth education they have had. A couple I spoke to who were doing one of Rhea Demspey’s fantastic pain workshops were luckily in the WA program for homebirth and are having a waterbirth with a you-beaut pool – they had a month or two to go. During a break, they asked me how the baby breathes under the water and other basic questions they should be well aware of at this stage of their journey. So you can give them the right classes to go to, the right information etc but what they choose to learn and take in is up to them. That is why you have to appeal to them at their level – I used to work in sales – Sales 101 is that you should first find out what someone wants before trying to sell something to them. If you go full on down a sales track of what they don’t want, they are going to switch off, be unappreciative and ignore. So gently does it. Also Sales 101 is you have two ears and one mouth – and they should be used in that ratio when dealing with a ‘consumer’.   If you want the ‘mainstream’ to understand you (and that you are not a ‘freak’ in your words) then you need to understand them too – including why they think we are ‘freaks’ and what we can do to appeal more to them, what information they are fed and subjected to etc., their lack of confidence and support – they have no or very little confidence in their own bodies and they think their Obs are gods. I am also trying to do lots of promotion which I think needs to be more ‘in the flesh’ so they can see we are not ‘freaks’ and real people who see it as our life’s calling to work beside birthing women. So you have to approach it gentle and gradually – you can’t just give it all to them and they will get it, which is why I am doing it the way I am on BellyBelly. I am trying to appeal to the ‘mainstream’ and have chocked the site up with gentle articles. There are also more and more pro-gentle people joining in helping with giving women the real information – I’ve posted before but you’re all welcome to come along and help speed up the progression! I’ll accept any help for the cause. Janet has joined recently and I love her posts, which are appealing to the ‘mainstream’ but with a little more harsh reality than other posts without too much and no anger reflected in the posts. There are more and more women on BellyBelly questioning the care they are receiving from the medical system over the last few years and while it’s a small step, it’s a big one too. It’s like a religion. You don’t just convert because one person told you to! It takes a village…   Btw. I didn’t call you a freak. I don’t think you are one either. And if someone wants to call me a freak for being a birth attendant having supported women in vaginal twin births, waterbirth, natural VBAC etc and also wanting a home waterbirth, then they have the problem not me – I don’t give a toss if they call me a freak but at least I will (hopefully) be a home water birthing freak LOL. For what it’s worth, the natural VBAC’er on my site has taken on legendary status on my site and has encouraged the others to look at VBAC and see her as inspiration. So I think they are starting to see what a birth attendant can help you with – the birth you want.   Yours in freakiness, Kelly Zantey Creator, BellyBelly.com.au Gentle Solutions From Conception to Parenthood BellyBelly Birth Support - Click Here From: owner-ozmidwifery@acegraphics.com.au [mailto:owner-ozmidwifery@acegraphics.com.au] On Behalf Of Justine Caines Sent: Monday, 6 March 2006 10:23 PM To: OzMid List Subject: Re: [ozmidwifery] Birth Attendant / Doula - Hunter Valley Area   Kelly is she in contact with the local birth support group? It's pretty busy. No – she’s quite mainstream and only knows about birth attendants from what I have on my site – since my good friend and site admin had her VBAC this weekend I think this has gotten her thinking about it more seriously as she’s in her second trimester now – so she is at the stages of asking stacks of those questions you always get – will they take over from the husband, will I cope with a stranger etc – so will take someone gentle to gain her confidence (personality wise and give her confidence in her body too) with a mainstream understanding. She’s a gorgeous person though, has been very supportive of my site for a long time. I am sure you didn’t mean it Kelly but what does the above say?  That women wanting/supporting  gentle, natural birth are weirdos and that c/s and all the trauma associated with it (in many cases - esp the unnecessary ones) is mainstream and a less confronting option!?? What I understand about the mainstream is it is on the whole a very damaged and broken system.  Whilst a woman must decide what is right and safe for her, any other reading of the current system is misleading. I know that some of us are considered pretty radical for our upfront choices and unwavering support of women to choose where and with whom they give birth.  Those of us that choose the path less travelled often pay for it with our families, friends and acquaintances. It is really tiring to be labelled a freak. Although I have 6 delicious birth experiences that quickly remind me of the reality. I must say this pervading culture of women who would spend more time researching buying an electrical product than they would bringing another life into the world is really wearing. Women  are constantly conned and often not supported, we all know that.  While we work to change this I think we also need to bring the responsibility back to women, and in doing that more women need to at least be aware of women like me that work their but off  (well it would be nice if I lost my but in the process!!) to enable a choice for them when the light bulb finally switches on... I salute you for what you are doing.  But you are in a position to help the light switch on, give women the information, let them know groups like Maternity Coalition exist, you may be surprised with women’s uptake toward the non-mainstream!!! In solidarity Justine