How apposite. I was thinking of posting some information about the ecology of freshwater streams in areas of previous heavy metal extraction. But live and let live.
8-) > > From: "William Robb" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> > Date: 2005/09/01 Thu PM 01:28:22 GMT > To: <[email protected]> > Subject: Re: Gimp, Anyone? > > From: Monty Python's Flying Circus > > > (A sign hangs in a chemist's office, "Dispensing Department." John Cleese is > a chemist and is behind a chemists counter. One man is standing and a man > and lady are sitting, facing CHEMIST on the other side of the counter) > > > CHEMIST: Right I've got some of your prescriptions here? Who's got the pox? > Come one who's got the pox? Come on! (Eric Idle raises hand embarrassed, > CHEMIST tosses pill bottle at him) Who's got the boil on the bum? Boil on > the botty? (Tosses pill bottle to a standing man) Who's got the chest rash? > (A large chested lady raises her hand) Have to get a bigger bottle. Who's > got.Who's got the wind? (Camera pans to a different sitting man wearing a > hat and overcoat) Catch! > > > Title card: "The Chemist Sketch an Apology!" > Eric Idle over voice: The BBC would like to apologize for the quality of > writing in that sketch. It is not BBC policy to get easy laughs with words > like "bum", "knickers", "botty", or "wee-wees". (Audience laughs) Shh! > > > MICHAEL PALIN: These are the words not to be used on this program. (Clicks > button and each word appears in background) "B*m", "B*TTY", "P*X", > "KN*CKERS", "KN*CKERS", "W**-W**", "SEMPRINI" > LADY: Semprini?! > PALIN: Out! > > > (Cut to same chemists office) > CHEMIST: Right, who's got a boil on his Semprini, then? (CONSTABLE > forcefully removes CHEMIST from office) > > > (Cut to same chemist's office, but new sign, "Less Naughty Chemists Ltd.", > CHEMIST2 is wearing the same sign) > MAN (Eric Idle): Good morning. > CHEMIST2 (Terry Jones): Good morning sir. > MAN: Good morning. I would like some aftershave please > CHEMIST2: Certainly sir. Walk this way please. > MAN: If I could walk that well I wouldn't need aftershave. > (MAN is forcefully removed from sketch by CONSTABLE) > > > (Cut to same chemist's, but new sign, "Not at all Naughty Chemists Ltd.", > CHEMIST3 holding same sign) > MAN (Eric Idle): Good morning > CHEMIST3 (Michael Palin): Good morning sir! Can I help you? > MAN: Yes I would like some aftershave. > CHEMIST3: Ah yes a toilet requisit-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t. Would you like to try > this sir? It's our very latest. It called "Sea Mist" > MAN: (smells it) (not enthused) Mmm. Quite like it. > CHEMIST3: How bout something a little bit more musky? This ones called > "Minnow." > MAN: (Smells it) Not really no. Have you got anything a bit fishier? > CHEMIST3: Fishier?! > MAN: Fishier. > CHEMIST3: Fish fish fish A fishy requisit-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t. > MAN: Like halibut or sea bass. > CHEMIST3: Or pream? > MAN: Yes! > CHEMIST3: We haven't got any of that. I've got mackerel or cod or hake. > MAN: You haven't got anything more halibut-ish. > CHEMIST3: Uhh. We've got parrot. What's that doing there!? Or skate with > just a hint of prawn. Or crab, tiger, and almonds.very unusual. > MAN: I really had my heart set on halibut. > CHEMIST3: Well, sir we had a fishy consignment this morning. I could go nip > into the basement and see if I could up trumps with this > requisite-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t. That was halibut or.? > MAN: Sea bass. > CHEMIST3: Or sea bass. Won't be a moment-t-t-t-t-t-t. > (CHEMIST3 leaves and camera zooms onto MAN. After a moment, MAN looks around > eventually to the camera. Then looks into the camera) > MAN: Sorry about this. (Hums) Normally we try to avoid these little pauses > "longeures". Only dramatically he has gone down to the basement, you see. > Course there really isn't a basement. He just goes off and we pretend. > (Laughs, appearing nervous now) Actually what happens is that he just goes > there off camera and just waits there it looks as though he has gone down to > the basement. (Camera is tighter on his face. He is not nervous, but > irritated. Looks over to CHEMIST3 off-stage) Actually, I think he is > over-doing it. Ahh! > CHEMIST3: Ahh! (Startled, jumps, and rushes to set) > CHEMIST3: Uhhh. (Out of breath) Sorry sir! Lot of steps. (MAN winks to > camera) I'm sorry sir. It didn't come in this morning, but we have got some > at our Kensington branch. I'll just nip down there and get it for you. > MAN: How long will that be? > CHEMIST3: Twenty minutes > MAN: Twenty minutes! (CHEMIST3 runs out. MAN looking very concerned. A lady > with a note-pole give MAN a note) Ooh! (Reading stiffly) I wonder what other > uses people have for aftershave lotion. > > > (Cut to Mr. Gumby on street) > MR. GUMBY (Michael Palin): I use a body rub called "Halitosis". It makes my > breath seem sweet. > MR. GUMBY (John Cleese): I use an aftershave called "Semmmmprini". > (CONSTABLE forces him off-camera) > CHEMIST3: Uh sorry sorry can't stop now. I've got to get to Kensington. > Spanish Inquisition Cardinal (Michael Palin): I use two kinds of aftershave > lotion: Frankincense, myrrh, and.Three! Kinds of aftershave lotion: > frankincense, myrrh, sem.Four kinds of aftershave lotion: Frankincense, > myrrh. > MAN ON STREET (Graham Chapman): I have a cold shower every morning just > before I go mad. Then I go mad one, mad two, mad three, mad four! > HOMELESS MAN (Michael Palin): I use rancid pole cat. It keeps my skin nice > and scale-y. > CHEMIST3: Ahh! Sorry again can't stop; I've got to get back > (cut to chemists shop where MAN is moving the clock on the wall 20 minutes > ahead, as a title card says, "20 Mins Later") > CHEMIST3: Well, I am afraid they don't have it at the Kensington place but > they have some in Aberdeen. > MAN: Aberdeen!? > CHEMIST3: It's all right. I have a car. > MAN: No, no, no! Ill take have the crab tiger and. > CHEMIST3: And almond requisit-t-t-t-t-t-t-t > (Large man walks in wearing an overcoat and hat, he tries to look > inconspicuous. An extra hand appears from the coat and takes a product off > of the counter. MAN looks and alerts CHEMIST3, who catches the thief and > blows a whistle) > CONSTABLE (Graham Chapman): Right Right RIGHT! Now then, now then. > CHEMIST3: Aren't you going to say, "What's all this then?" > CONSTABLE: Oh. What's all this then? > CHEMIST3: This man has been shoplifting officer. > CONSTABLE: Oh yes? > CHEMIST3: Yes. > CONSTABLE: Are you trying to tell me my job? > CHEMIST3: No! But he's been shoplifting. > CONSTABLE: Look I must warn you anything you may say will be ignored. And > further more I'll put my fist through your teeth (punches him) Fa-tang > Fa-tang! > MAN: But this man has been shoplifting. > CONSTABLE: (To MAN) Look I've had enough of you, you're under arrest. (Puts > arms out, like an aeroplane) Wee! (Machine gun noises) > CHEMIST3: Officer, it wasn't him. He's the shoplifter. > Man in Coat: No I'm not > (A man's head pops out of coat): No he's not. I'm a witness. > CONSTABLE: (To CHEMIST3) One more peep out of you and I'll do you for > heresy. > CHEMIST3: Heresy?! Blimey, I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition. > CONSTABLE: All right. Fa-tang Fa-tang! (Punches CHEMIST3) Whoa, that's nice. > (Takes a bottle from counter and puts it in his pocket) Right! I'm taking > you along to the station. (Forces MAN out of Chemist's) > MAN: What for? > CONSTABLE: For illegal possession of what ever we happen to have down there. > Right. Lunar module calling Buzz Aldrin (rocket noises) Come in. (sings as > he walks out with MAN) Rain drops keep falling on my head. But that doesn't > mean that my . > > > Title card: "An Apology" > John Cleese voice over: the BBC would like to apologize to the police of the > character of police Constable Pan-Am. He was not meant to represent the > average police officer. Similarly the reference to Buzz Aldrin, the > astronaut was the product of a disordered mind, and should not be construed > to any other significance. > > > > > ----------------------------------------- Email sent from www.ntlworld.com Virus-checked using McAfee(R) Software Visit www.ntlworld.com/security for more information
