Congrats, Paul! I actually read that article on line but didn't look at
the by-line. I'll need to take a closer look in the future.
Stanley Halpin wrote:
Nice piece Paul.
I am quite a nitpicker myself but I do disagree with Igor’s stylistic comments;
I think it flows well as is.
However, one quibble I have is that you and the Auto Alliance people are
talking about two different things (legislation vs. regulation) and I wish you
could have highlighted that. But that is a minor point that would be totally
lost on most people…
stan
On Oct 27, 2017, at 9:56 PM, Paul Stenquist <pnstenqu...@mac.com> wrote:
Hi Igor,
The Auto Alliance point regarding how long it would take to equip the fleet is
self refuting in that they said the same thing six years ago. More importantly,
I get only 900 words, so I have to pick my battles.
In regard to the paragraph breaks, the first is debatable but a split decision
in my view and the editors. The Times philosophy says short graphs are better.
The graphs toward the end of the story are mandated by an immutable Times style
rule: every direct quote is a separate graph. That is written in stone, and it
seems to have worked well for at least 50 years.
Paul via phone
On Oct 27, 2017, at 9:38 PM, Igor PDML-StR <pdml...@komkon.org> wrote:
Interesting... I didn't know such a technology already exists. Nor I had heard
about the proposed regulation.
Did NYT fire all their editors?
I was a bit confused by a few things (of which most are what the editor should
have noticed, such as #2 and #3):
1. Paul, I was expecting that you would refute this statement:
" And the proposed mandate for notification technology in cars misses the
targeted population, because so few parents of young children buy new cars.” --
First, some parents of young children are forced to buy a new car once the child is
born, especially, if it is #3 and above. And even if most parents buy used cars, it
is obvious that all new cars will soon become used (and eventually old).
2. There is a weird way how the text is broken into small paragraphs.
The most obvious is the paragraph starting with "General Motors and Nissan..."
is broken into two in the middle of the thought.
The last three paragraphs also should have been one, me thinks.
And "“The brain process is the same,” ...." should have been with the previous
paragraph.
3. "One such system, the VitaSense, uses low-power radio to sense movement and
breathing."
I suspect the word "waves" is missing ("radio waves", not "radio").
Sorry, I just couldn't help noticing these.
Igor
ann sanfedele Fri, 27 Oct 2017 17:02:06 -0700 wrote:
It is hard to imagine that this happens.. but it does too often :-(
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/10/26/automobiles/wheels/forgetting-a-child-in-a-back-seat-can-kill-cars-may-soon-warn-you.html
ann
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