Mah fellow Americans, Tonight I wood like the opportoonity to talk to you about an isshoe that is of great concern to the American pipple, and I am not talking about Enron ever again, I promiss. The isshoe I wood like to address, er, talk about tonight, concerns, concerns, eh, plagiarism.
My experts tell me, ah, that this word originates from the Dutch word "plagen", meaning "to tease, worry or bother" and, eh, I don't like it, it is unAmerican and they should be locked up. The question arises, eh, is posed, I mean the question is weather one CAN in fact acknowledge all one's sources, since ahh one's own inner resources are limited, although not of course in the way the Green Party says, whoever they are, and we must always gooarantee that America's interests abroad are served by the best possible means, I mean forces, available. The influences, ahh mean the impacts on one's behaviour are manifold and complex, and often not under one's control. We cannot be aware of everything. We firmly, ahh mean definitely believe, that we must always prosecute any terrorist scholar who dares to cite the original source of another author, and we shall CONTINUE to do so until all the academic terrorists are rounded up and brought to justice. Mah fellow Americans, I want you to know this is not a joke, and that all government authorities dealing with this problem are being mobilised and are held ready to respond. And I am talking about the Armed Forces, FBI, the CIA, and a lot of intelligence agencies which I cannot tell you about because after all, you as a taxpayer deserve to be protected from playgooarists. There are terrorists in academia, and we must hunt them down, smoke them out, and bring them to justice. Especially those with the suspicious looking Afghan dogs, I don't like those, because did you know that terrorists put bombs inside those dogs ? We hhave to put this in perspective, these are conditions not seen since mah father fought in, err, was involved in the second world warr. So if you find any academic misquoting or alternatively failing to quote OR ACHENOWLEDGE a source, you MUST act immediately by ringing this special phone line set up especially for the purrpose, err I mean objective, by the Pentagon, in which I have some personal friends eh eh, tsk tsk. Ummerican intelligence survices ARE keeping a CLOSE watch for a SUSTAINED peeriod of time on ALL suspected academics in order to study their behayviour and identify passable sources of playcheguevaraism. Altarnatively, you should call the Please, ahh mean Poleice, who will process your query promptly ANDD may let you get home safely. And be sure to take your dog, err I mean pet, to the vet anddd have it examined for possible explosives, err weppens of mass destruckton. Mah fellow Ummericans, the situation is urgent. The situation is dire, umm I mean serious. Let us not forget, that playcheguevaraism is not just an isshoe that uffects academic life, but is a reel isshoe in Ummerican sosighty as a hole, umm I mean in general. After all, how often does it not occur, that American citizens borrow things from each other without acknowledging this ? This is wrong, damn wrong. Ahh do not wish to err, talk about the Ummerican foreign debt at the present time, I am talking about illegitimate borrowing which is also forbidden bah the Bible, at least in my church, ahh place of worship. Quite simply, thou shalt not covet thy naybores sources in any way. Ahh did not get to where I am today through playgooearism, through illegitimate borrowing and I DO NOT covet. I have been elected by a MAJORITY vote in New Mexico, err Floorida on the basis of MAH OWN intelligence, MAH OWN strength, MAH OWN lingoouage, and Ahh do not relie on anyboody ells to put words into my mouth that I do not mean or WHICH can be constrood otherwise. Playgooarism is a cryme, a terrible crime, and in this hilay sofizzticated infurmashun society, it is not always possible, I mean we are not always able, to trace instances of playgooarism very quickly. This war will not be won quickly, we must look forward to a long process, I mean a long war, err, we cannot say right now where it will end, err, well you know what I mean it is going to take a long time. But we WILL win and evil WILL be vanquished. Thank you for your attention, and good night.
