Report: Nation's Gentrified Neighborhoods Threatened By Aristocratization

March 31, 2008 | Issue 44•14

WASHINGTON—According to a report released Tuesday by the Brookings
Institution, a Washington-based think tank, the recent influx of
exceedingly affluent powder-wigged aristocrats into the nation's
gentrified urban areas is pushing out young white professionals, some
of whom have lived in these neighborhoods for as many as seven years.

Maureen Kennedy, a housing policy expert and lead author of the
report, said that the enormous treasure-based wealth of the
aristocracy makes it impossible for those living on modest trust funds
to hold onto their co-ops and converted factory loft spaces.

"When you have a bejeweled, buckle-shoed duke willing to pay 11 or 12
times the asking price for a block of renovated brownstones—and
usually up front with satchels of solid gold guineas—hardworking
white-collar people who only make a few hundred thousand dollars a
year simply cannot compete," Kennedy said. "If this trend continues,
these exclusive, vibrant communities with their sidewalk cafés and
faux dive bars will soon be a thing of the past."

According to Kennedy, one of the most pressing concerns associated
with rapid aristocratization is the drastic transformation of the
metropolitan landscape in a way that fails to maximize livable space.

"A three-block section of [Chicago neighborhood] Wicker Park that once
accommodated eight families, two vintage clothing stores, a French
cleaners, and a gourmet bakery has been completely razed to make way
for a private livery stable and carriage house," Kennedy said. "The
space is now entirely unusable for affordable upper-income condominium
housing. No one can live there except for the odd stable boy or
footman who gets permission to sleep in the hayloft."

Many of those affected by the ostentatious reshaping of their once
purely upmarket neighborhoods said that they often wish for a return
back to the privileged communities they helped to overdevelop just a
few years ago. Among the first to feel the effects of the encroaching
aristocracy have been local business owners like Fort Greene, Brooklyn
resident Neil Getz.

"Around here, you used to be able to get a Fair-Trade latte and a
chocolate-chip croissant for only eight bucks," said Getz, who is
planning to move back in with his parents after being forced out of
the lease on his organic grocery store by a harpsichord purveyor. "Now
it's all tearooms and private salon gatherings catered with champagne
and suckling pig. Who can afford that?"

"It's just a terrible shame," Getz continued. "There was this great
little shop right across the street from my duplex apartment where I
bought my baby daughter a Ramones onesie a couple of years ago, just
after she was born. That whole block is an opera house now."

The aristocracy has adamantly dismissed claims that the sweeping
changes are detrimental to the merely wealthy who have been displaced,
and many persons of noble blood have pointed to aristocratization's
benefits. These include lower crime rates attributed to new
punishments, such as public floggings and the pillory, which are
primarily meted out for maintaining direct eye contact with members of
the highest class.

"These accusations are pure, slanderous rubbish," said Lord Nathan
Dunkirk III, the owner of a prodigious manor house that, along with
its steeplechase course and topiary garden, sits on what was once the
Haight-Ashbury district of San Francisco. "If anything, the layabouts
and wastrels have been afforded a veritable glut of new and felicitous
opportunities as bootblacks and scullery maids."

Other aristocrats have echoed Dunkirk and have additionally deflected
blame onto regification, a process by which they say they were priced
out of their vast rural holdings by kings who wished to consolidate
property and develop monumental palatial estates.

[from the ONION]
-- 
Jim Devine / "Segui il tuo corso, e lascia dir le genti." (Go your own
way and let people talk.) -- Karl, paraphrasing Dante.
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