Loan Sharks and Interest Hounds, I have addressed every form of
organized Graft in the U.S. excepting Congress. So it's naturally a
pleasure for me to appear before the biggest.
You are without a doubt the most disgustingly rich audience I ever
talked to, with the possible exception of the Bootleggers Union Local
No. 1, combined with the enforcement officers.
Now I understand you hold this Convention every year to announce what
the annual Jip will be.
I have often wondered where the Depositors hold their Convention.
I had an account in a Bank once and the banker asked me to withdraw,
that they used up more red ink on my account than it was worth.
I see your wives come with you. You notice I say 'Come' not 'Were brought'.
I see where your Convention was opened by a prayer, and you had to
send outside your ranks to get somebody that could pray.
You should have had one Creditor there, he would have shown you how to pray.
I noticed that in the prayer the Clergyman announced to the Almighty
that the bankers were here. Well, it wasn't exactly an announcement.
It was more in the nature of a warning.
He didn't tell the Devil, he figured he knew where you all were all the time.
I see by your speeches that you are very optimistic of the business
conditions of the coming year. I don't blame you, if I had your dough I
would be optimistic too.
Will you please tell me what you do with all the Vice Presidents a
bank has? I guess that's to get you more discouraged before you can
see the President.
Why, the United States is the biggest business institution in the
world and they only have one Vice President and nobody has ever found
anything for him to do.
I have met most of you as I came out of the stage door at the Follies
every night. I want to tell you that any of you that are capitalized
under a million dollars needn't hang around there. Our girls may not
know their Latin and Greek but they certainly know their Dun and
Bradstreet. "You have a wonderful organization, I understand you have
10 thousand here, and with what you have in the various Federal
Prisons brings your Membership up to around 30 thousand. So goodbye,
paupers. You're the finest bunch of shylocks that ever foreclosed a
mortgage on a widow's home."
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