ARNOLD WARNS CALIFORNIA: I'LL RETURN TO ACTING Angry Schwarzenegger Makes Ultimate Threat to State's Voters
[by Andy Borowitz] Two days after California voters rejected all four government overhaul measures that he had put on the ballot, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger came out swinging today, warning California that if it did not bend to his will he would return to acting "at once." "I am prepared to resume my career as an actor at a moment's notice," a visibly angry Gov. Schwarzenegger told the people of California in a speech that was televised statewide. "Don't make me do that." While some political foes of the governor dismissed his tough talk as a hollow threat, aides to Gov. Schwarzenegger said that the so-called "doomsday scenario" of returning to acting is the governor's most potent weapon. ... In an attempt to underscore that threat, the governor cancelled his entire schedule on Thursday to spend the day reading scripts and talking with his agent. He took the unusual step of making the statewide address Thursday night to let the people of California know that by defying him at the polls, they had set into motion a series of events that they as moviegoers would soon come to regret. "For those of you who don't think I'm serious, let me say just five words," Gov. Schwarzenegger said. "'Jingle All The Way 2.'" Elsewhere, reporter Judith Miller announced that she was resigning from The New York Times because "I have become the news," adding, "and the news does not belong in The New York Times." -- Jim Devine "Segui il tuo corso, e lascia dir le genti." (Go your own way and let people talk.) -- Karl, paraphrasing Dante.
