WHAT WOMEN SAY AND WHAT THEY MEAN:
"Can't we just be friends?" = There is no way in hell I am going to
let any part of your body touch any part of mine, ever again.
" I just need some space" = .........without you in it.
"Do I look fat in this dress?" = We haven't had a fight in a while.
"No, pizza's fine!" = ...........you cheap bastard!
"I just don't want a boyfriend now." = I just don't want YOU as a
boyfriend now.
"You never listen!" = You never listen!
"We're moving too quickly." = I am not going to sleep with you until I
find out if this guy at work is married.
"I'll be ready in a minute!" = I AM ready, but I am going to make you
wait because I know you will.
"Oh, no, I'll pay for myself!" = I'm just being nice; there is no way
I'm going dutch.
"Oh YES!!! Right there!!!" = Well, near there, I just want to get
this over with.
"I'm just going out with a few of my girfriends." = We're going to get
shit-faced and make fun of you and your stupid friends.
"There's no one else." = I'm doing your brother.
"Size doesn't matter......" = ........unless I want to come.
WOMAN'S GUIDE TO WHAT A MAN REALLY MEANS--
"I'm hungry" = I'm hungry.
"I'm sleepy" = I'm sleepy.
"I'm tired" = I'm tired.
"I've gotta pee" = Get out of the way.
"Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with
you.
"Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with
you.
"Can I get your coat?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Let me get your door." = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"I'd like to take you away some place really special for the weekend."
= Don't expect to see anything other than 4 walls and the ceiling.
"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!
"You look tense, lie down and I'll rub your back." = I want to fondle
you, and hopefully it will lead to sex.
"What's wrong?" = I don't see why you're making such a big deal out of
this.
"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma
are you going through now?
"What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
"I'm bored." = Do you want to have sex?
"I love you." = Let's have sex now.
"I love you too." = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!
"Good morning." = Is it too early for sex?
"See you later." = That was great sex......let's have more!
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = I liked it better before.
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = $50 and it doesn't look
that much different!
"Let's talk." = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep
person and maybe then you'll want to have sex with me.
"Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex
with other guys.
"Will you marry me?" = I might as well get tax benefits for going
through these "talks".
WHILE SHOPPING:
"Yes, that one's nice" = Why do you ask when you aren't going to
listen anyway?
"That one looks great on you" = Pick any f! dress and let's go
home!
"I like that one better." = Pick any f! dress and let's go home!
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