he Swing Shift: Pass the plate for the starving dot-coms Posted at 8:01 p.m. PDT Thursday, October 26, 2000 BY TRACY SEIPEL AND MICHELLE QUINN Mercury News Making the rounds among journalists attending the Internet World 2000 show in New York this week was an e-mail containing a link to SatireWire.com, which has posted a feature called ``Save the dot-coms.'' The faux communique purports to be a pitch from Sally Struthers, the actress who has made numerous TV commercials pleading for financial support for wide-eyed waifs in struggling Third World countries. In the parody, Struthers turns her attention to struggling dot-coms. ``Right now, all over the world, dot-coms are hurting,'' the fake pitch reads. ``They are suffering from faulty business plans and cash-flow shortfalls. They lack earnings and even the most basic of revenue models. In many countries, four out of five dot-coms will die within the next two years. All that is needed is someone who will look into the eyes of a needy dot-com and say, `Yes, I will help.' Someone like you.'' Swing Shift sheds a tear. LET ME GUESS: It's finally here: Halloween Weekend, that secular, over-the-top holiday Bay Area adults have co-opted from the kids. (Ask your friends hitting all of this weekend's Halloween parties if they plan to be home Tuesday to give candy to the young 'uns.) And what creeps in every year? Those oh-so-clever, off-the-news costumes. This millennium year will be no different. Expect to see crippled stock markets, maybe a few Linux penguins or Linus Torvald-like masks (complete with blond wig and wire-rim glasses), several ``irrational exuberances'' (cover yourself with balloons and pop them one by one), a few oversized Larry Ellisons, and Bill Gates -- with an entourage of DOJ-fighting lawyers. Several failed dot-coms (carry dog food, cosmetics, or drug store supplies). Alan Greenspan is an option only for aging, balding, bespectacled men. Who else? The ever-smiling, baseball-capped Shawn Fanning, Napster founder and Time magazine cover boy. Want to be Fanning without working too hard? Head to the back of October's issue of eCompany Now and look for the magazine's Halloween cut-out of Fanning. You have to provide your own baggy jeans, sneakers, sweatshirt and cap. ``Steal all your friends' candy,'' eCompany Now advises on how to play Napster's founder, who made it easier for people to lift -- er, ``share'' -- music. ``When questioned about this, insist that `candy wants to be free.''' NO NOTHING: There will be no party or acceptance speeches. The winners of this year's Invision awards will receive their trophies in the mail, rather than on stage. Known as the NewMedia Invision 2000 Festival, the event -- supposed to be held next week at the Palace Hotel in San Francisco -- was canceled because the festival's organizer has gone out of business. We've heard of dot-com speakers not showing up because their companies just died. Now the host of the event is a no-show. The festival's organizer was Hypermedia Communications, a San Mateo-based media company. Founded in 1991, the company published the print magazine NewMedia, which covered the digital industry when the hottest thing going were CD-ROMs. Then, last year, Hypermedia scrapped the dead-tree magazine and went online with NewMedia.com, a daily news and information service for those who design and develop Web sites. This month, the company ran out of money and has laid off its 26 workers. And it also had to cancel its festival, which it has hosted since 1993. Not the most discreet way to exit stage left. Richard Landry, chief executive and editor-in-chief, called the timing ``emotionally, extremely difficult.''
