Thanks to Miles!
The problem, for anyone who is going through this themselves lay (in my
case) with my php.ini file - evidently my fat fingers copied the
'recommended' php.ini file, instead of the 'distro' php.ini file.
The 'Recommended' file contains a few optimizations and security patches,
recommended for a live-on-the-internet application. I don't know what
about that setup was incompatible with my application, but something
was. Maybe some day when I have a clue I'll figure it out.
For now, I'm back up and running.
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