My sincerest apologies.  I have been a complete jackass this entire
time and every single one of you has been correct.  From this point
forward I vow to keep my God damned mouth shut unless spoken to.

        You see, I have been struggling with defining my sexual identity
and trying to come to terms with my preference toward glittery and
sparkly shoes.  Unfortunately my choice of stockings does not bode
well for this preference.  But I will be damned if the rules of
fashion will dictate what does and does not go well together.

        So I am off to fight a different and winnable battle.

        I love you all so very much.

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