<--------- http://www.paulsfunhouse.com --------->
<----------The Grand Pooh-Bah of Humour ---------->

<---------------------PHWeekly Joke Ezine!--------------------->
<-------The Little Sister Of Purehumour Joke Ezine------>

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A HUGE congratulations to Lawana on the birth of her grand daughter.
Jennifer-Lynn was born yesterday and came in at a real healthy weight...
mom and daughter are doing fine!

PHWeekly missed last week due to HUGE problems with my web host...
this resulted in me moving to a new host and having to set everything up
again from scratch...the move seems to have worked and everything is
back on track...my new host has some great features that will be
introduced in the coming weeks...the first of which is a great Web-Board
where we can all have a little fun...check it out at:
<a href=" http://www.paulsfunhouse.com/board/ ">Click</a>

More new features to come in the next few weeks!

Today's issue includes contributions by: Donna, Jim, John, SunAmy,
D.A. Funk, Colorado Kid, Marina.

If you want to see your name here...send your jokes to:
<a href=" mailto:jokes@;paulsfunhouse.com ">Jokes</a>

Lets start with a quickie:

A cocktail party is an affair where a mans gets stiff, a woman gets
tight, and they return home to find that neither is either.

--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------

Yo Quiero
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For A Big Guitar Player
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Cover It All Umbrella
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I Used To Call My Ex Headhunter
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Worst Wrong Number
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Today's issue is brought to you by:

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joke! Scratch 'n' Win lottery tickets for your friends (or
enemies)...watch their faces as they scratch and reveal
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Little Johnny came running into the kitchen and excitedly
asked his mother, "Mommy do blacks go to heaven with their
feet in the air?"

His mommy responded, "Why would you ask such a question?"

Johnny replied, "The maid is in the garage with her feet
up in the air shouting 'Lordy, Lordy, i'sa comin', and I
think she would if Daddy wasn't holding her down.



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------------------------GUS COOKS!------------------------------

Gus really gets cooking...a new strip each day!
<a href="http://www.guscooks.com/strips.php";>Click</a>

----------------------TODAY IN HISTORY-----------------------

If today is your birthday...you share it with:

1942 Shere Hite St Joseph Missouri, sex therapist (Hite Report)
1942 Stefanie Powers Hollywood Ca, actress (Girl From UNCLE, Hart to Hart)
1944 Jeffrey A Hoffman Brooklyn NY, PhD/astronaut (STS 51-D, 35, sk:46)
1946 Giuseppe Sinopoli Venice Italy, conductor (Sunnyata)
1951 Kathy Hammond US, 400m runner (Olympics-bronze-1972)
1952 Kate Linder actress (Esther-Young & Restless)
1953 Alfre Woodard Tulsa OK, actress (St Elsewhere)
1958 Bobby Dall rocker (Poison-Every Rose Has a Thorn)
1958 Willie McGee St Louis Card (1985 NL MVP)
1960 Mardi Jacquet Chateauroux CA, playmate (October, 1980)
1961 k.d. lang country singer (& the Reclines-Absolute Torch & Twang)
1963 Ines Diers German DR, 400m freestyle swimmer (Olympic-gold-1980)
1963 Susie Scott San Diego Ca, playmate (May, 1983)
1966 Rosalyn Fairbank South Africa, tennis player
1967 Darla Michele Pruett Canton Georgia, Miss Georgia-America (1991)
1968 Brandi Brandt Santa Clara CA, playmate (October, 1987)
1968 Helle Michaelsen Alborg Denmark, playmate (Aug, 1988)
1968 Melissa Evridge Lexington KY, playmate (Aug, 1990)
1975 Danny Cooksey Moore OK, actor (Sam-Diff'rent Strokes)
1990 Natasha Smirnoff daughter of Yakov Smirnov

.....and on this day in history:

1954 Charles C Diggs Jr elected Michigan's 1st black congressman
1954 JS Thurmond 1st senator elected by write-in vote (SC)
1956 Hungary appeals for UN assistance against Soviet invasion
1956 Israel captures Gaza and Sheham
1957 1st titanium mill opened, Toronto Ohio
1959 Charles Van Doren confesses, TV quiz show-"21," was fixed
1962 JFK announces Cuban missile bases were being dismantled
1964 CBS purchases NY Yankees
1969 NFL record of 12 passing touchdowns, New Orleans Billy Kramer & St L Charlie Johnson pass for 6 touchdowns each
1970 Cleveland Cavaliers lose by biggest margin-54 pts (Philadelphia 141-87)
1972 Construction begins on the Kingdome, Seattle
1973 "Barbra Streisand ...and Other Musical Instruments" airs on CBS TV
1975 Ed Giacomin as a Red Wing returns to Madison Square Garden beats Rangers 6-4
1976 Former Georgia Gov Jimmy Carter (D) defeats incumbent Gerald R Ford (R) in race for Presidency
1978 Crew of Soyuz 29 returns to Earth aboard Soyuz 31
1983 Archbishop Hickey conducts papal investigation of Archbishop Hunthausen, Seattle
1983 President Reagan signs a bill establishing Martin L King day
1987 Entertainer Lola Falona is diagnosed with multiple sclerosis
1987 Harrison releases "Cloud 9" & McCartney releases "All the Best"
1988 Computer virus strikes Pentagon, SDI research lab & 6 universities
1988 Shamir Likud wins election in Israel
1988 Mexican radio station erroneously reports Mike Tyson dies in car crash
1988 Walt Weiss wins AL rookie of the year (3rd straight for Oakland A's)
1991 Jermaine Jackson releases "Word to the Badd!!" anti Michael song

2002 http://www.scopesys.com/today/

Limerick Time!

There once was a girl from Sidney
Who could take it right up to her kidney
But a guy from Quebec
Shoved it up to her neck
He had a long one, now didn't he.

A soldier known only as Sarge
Had sex with a hooker named Marge
Though only a grunt
He assaulted her cunt
And gave her a hon'rable discharge.

On the banks of the Thames stood lord Buckingham
Dreaming of tits and of sucking them
While watching the stunts
Of the cunts in the punts
And the tricks of the pricks who were fuckin' 'em

Two school-kids around Aberystwyth
Made love with the lips that they kissed with
But as they got older
They also grew bolder
Making love with the things that they pissed with

----------------------PUREHUMOUR POLL--------------------

It broke in the move...will be repaired next week!

Check it out
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-----------------------QUICK QUOTE----------------------------

A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. 'You
know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied in a
psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have
to kill you too.
-Jake Johansen

--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------

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What's dumber than dumb?
Directions on toilet paper.

What's dumber than that?
Reading them.

Even dumber?
Reading them and learning something.

Dumbest of all?
Reading them and having to correct something you've been doing wrong.

-------------------------A DOG'S WORLD------------------------

A Dog's World is a continuing story that will appear in each
issue...miss a segment?...then check out the archives at:

With that Sam gave the box a swipe with his paw and
tumbled over. Instead of a cat they saw only a hole
in the ground. Peering in they guessed how deep the
hole might go. For lack of knowing what else to do
they began to bark into the hole and then hoped for
a response. They heard nothing but as they looked
into the hole they saw a pair of glowing cat eyes.

The eyes startled them at first but they felt more
comfortable in recognizing the cat eyes. As if someone
started turning on lights more and more cat eyes began
to pop up. Soon the hole was full of shining eyes and
the dogs began to get scared again.

Instinctively they backed away and wondered out loud
how many cats there might be in the hole.

Copyright 2001-02 D. Scott
Check out more at: http://www.humorcorner.com
--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------

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Silly Computer Tip 2
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Some Steven Wright Classic Lines:

In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything.
Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check.
Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said,
"Cut it out."

Doing a little work around the house. I put fake brick wallpaper
over a real brick wall, just so I'd be the only one who knew.
People come over and I'm gonna say, "Go ahead, touch it... It
feels real."

In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above...
So I never have to go upstairs.

One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash
on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty
pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in
my house.

I have a decaffeinated coffee table. You'd never know it to look
at it.

All the plants in my house are dead -- I shot them last night. I was
torturing them by watering them with ice cubes.

My neighbors don't like it when I talk to my plants... I use a

Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity... If
you wanted to run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your
head. If you wanted to cook, you had to pull off a sweater real

I've never seen electricity, so I don't pay for it. I write right
on the bill, "I'm sorry, I haven't seen it all month."

My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the
neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out
of my yard or I'll throw it at them.

I bought a house, on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how I
got there.

The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with
my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a
while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I
lived. I said, "right here, officer". Later, I parked it on the
freeway, got out, and yelled at all the cars, "Get out of my

My house is on the median strip of a highway. You don't really notice,
except I have to leave the driveway doing 60 MPH.

For a while I didn't have a car... I had a helicopter... No place to
park it, so I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running...

I locked my keys in the car the other day. But it was alright, I was
still inside.

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit
the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like
I'm the only one moving.

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going
really fast, and stick it out the window. I've been arrested three times
for practicing.

I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my
car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds *amazing*.

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they
wouldn't have to go so fast.

I had to stop driving my car for a while... The tires got dizzy.

I want to start a car repair shop. I have already got the air for the

My neighbor has a circular driveway... He can't get out.

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere
near the place.

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave
a message and I'll call when I'm out."

Last year we drove across the country. We switched on the driving...
Every half mile... We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire
trip... I don't remember what it was.

Is my car the only one in America where someone breaks in and turns up my
radio every time I park?

I saw a sign: "Rest Area 25 Miles". That's pretty big. Some people must
be really tired.

I bought this thing for my car. You put it on your car, it sends out this
little noise, so when you drive through the woods, deer won't run in front
of your car. I installed it backwards by accident. Driving down the
street with a herd of deer chasing me. Those were the days.

I like to pick up hitchhikers. When they get in the car I say, "Put on your
seat belt. I want to try something. I saw it once in a cartoon, but I
think I can do it."

I decided to leave and go to California, so I packed up my Salvador Dali
print of two blindfolded dental hygienists trying to make a circle on an
Etch-a-Sketch, and I headed for the highway and began hitching. Within
three minutes I got picked up by one of those huge trailer trucks carrying
20 brand new cars. I climbed up the side of the cab and opened the door.
The guy said, "I don't have much room up here, why don't you get into one
of the cars out back." So I did. And he was really into picking people up
because he picked up 19 more. We all had our own cars. Then he went 90
miles per hour and we all got speeding tickets.

A cop stopped me for speeding. He said, "Why were you going so fast?" I
said, "See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator. When
you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just
takes right off. And see this thing? This steers it."

I was going 70 miles an hour and got stopped by a cop who said, "Do you
know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour?" "Yes, officer, but I wasn't
going to be out that long..."

One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, "Didn't
you see the stop sign?" I said, "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I

Driving down the street at 150 miles per hour with a friend of mine on
cruise control. Both of us in the back seat. The police pulled us over.
They don't know who to arrest, nobody's driving. So, they arrested us
both. I'm on the witness stand. You know the rest.

I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when
I get pulled over the cop looks at it (moving it nearer and farther,
trying to see it clearly)... And says, "Here, you can go."

That's a good thing to say to the police the next time they stop you. "
License and registration, please." "Hermits have no peer pressure."
"License and registration, please." "Whenever I think about the past,
it just brings back so many memories." "License and registration,
please." "There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore
looking like an idiot. Wouldn't you" say, Officer?" "License and
registration, please." "What's another word for Thesaurus?" See the cop
have a nervous breakdown. "I was just trying to give him a ticket."

We were in Salino, Utah when we were arrested for not going through a
green light. We pleaded "maybe". I asked the judge if he knew what time
it is, he did, and I said, "No further questions."

I went to court for a parking ticket. I pleaded insanity. I said, "Your
honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?"

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking
spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...When I came back the entire
area was missing.


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------------------------STRANGE BREED!-------------------------

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A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his
voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you
Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500
American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10
pints of Guinness back-to-back." The room is quiet
and no one takes up the Texan's offer.

One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same
gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on
the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10
pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into
all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back.

The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.

The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya
don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30
minutes you were gone?".

The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down
the street to see if I could do it first".

--------------FROM THE BATHROOM WALL -------------

If you could dream up a brand-new colour, would it be a
pigment of your imagination?

-------------------------QUIZ QUEEN------------------------------

Which is NOT a trait of the African gray parrot?

A. Short red tail
B. Cognitive abilities equal to porpoises and primates
C. Toolmaking skills equal to apes
D. Able to imitate the human voice and other sounds

<Answers in Next Issue!>


Last Issue's Answers:

Where did the county form of government originate?

B. Britain

Copyright 2002 Dawggone Communications
Website: http://quizqueen.net

An elderly couple were watching TV one evening, and during a commercial
break the husband turned to the wife and said, "Whatever happened to our
sexual relations?"

After a long period of thoughtful silence, she turned to her husband and
said, "You know, I don't think we even got a Christmas card from them
last year."

--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------

I Think Football Players Are Sexy
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Microsoft Word Options
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Oooops Wrong Turn
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Married Chronology
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Mafia Insurance
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---------------NON SMOKING SECTION-------------------------

<To comply with recent internet law changes...Purehumour will
now present a daily non-smoking section...this section is fully
smoke-free...I do not smoke while creating it...and you are
requested not to smoke while you read it! You co-operation
is expected.>

One morning, while shaving, a fellow started cursing and swearing
so loudly it attracted the attention of his wife, who was preparing
breakfast in the kitchen.

"What's the matter?" she called out.

"My razor -- it won't cut!" he answered. "

Don't be silly, dear!" she declared. "You mean to tell me your beard
is tougher than linoleum?"

<End of non-smoking section...please light your tobacco products
once more>
---------------DUSTING OFF THE ARCHIVES---------------

In an attempt to boost the number of visits to the Purehumour
archives...in each issue I will highlight today's date in the archives
from the past three years...take a look at todays issue in history
to see how Purehumour has evolved and what was funny in the

The archives are currently unavailable!


Do you love PHWeekly? Enough to open your wallet a little?
If you wish to donate to support the continue success of this
ezine...please visit the link below...no amount is too small!
<a href=" http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/ph.html ">Click</a>

--------------------IT'S NOT PUNNY!------------------------------

It was Halloween and three vampires went into a saloon and bellied up to
the bar. "What will you have?" the bartender asked. "I'll have a glass
of blood," the first replied. "I'll have a glass of blood, too, please,"
said the second. "I'll have a glass of plasma," said the third. The
bartender summarized, "You want two bloods and a blood light?"


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If They Mated - Bill Clinton & Monica Lewinsky
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Strip BlackJack With Jasmine
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Peg Jump
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A young lady is out cycling down a country lane in a very rural
part of England. She's wearing a VERY skimpy pair of hot pants.

After about an hour of cycling she gets completely lost, so when
she see a farmer in field she stops and calls over to him.

"Excuse me, but is this the way to Wareham?"

"Oi donno miss, but they sure look nice as thay are!"


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A man goes to a doctor and says, "Doctor, I have a sexual
performance problem. Can you help me?"

"Oh, that's not a problem anymore!" announces the proud
physician. "They just came out with this new wonder drug,
Viagra, that does the trick! You take some pills and your
problems are history."

So, the doctor gives the man a prescription and sends him on
his merry way. A couple of months later, the doctor runs into his
patient on the street.

"Doctor, Doctor!" exclaims the man excitedly, "I've got to
thank you! This drug is a miracle! It's wonderful!"

"Well, I'm glad to hear that," says the pleased physician.
"What does your wife think about it?"

"Wife?" asks the man. 'I haven't been home yet."

--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------

Future Democrat
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Should Be Shot
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Sleeping Positions & What They Mean
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Are Your Protected
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-------------------------WEIRD NEWS---------------------------

Television viewers watching a ghost hunt live from a
castle have been shocked when the show was abruptly
cut off and replaced by a pornographic film.

The pictures appeared without warning on Telewest's
analogue cable service on Halloween.

The company has apologised for the error after they
received complaints from parents who were watching
Living TV's paranormal experiment Most Haunted.

The programme was about the ghosts of Dudley Castle.

Many had watched Most Haunted for almost three hours,
only to miss the end when the switch happened.

Pensioner Joy and Gordon Norris, of Oak Park Road,
Wordsley, in the West Midlands, were watching the
programme with their son, when it suddenly switched
to the film.

Mrs Norris, aged 72, told The Express & Star : "They
had built up the excitement to midnight and then it
was as if a switch had been pulled and the sex film
came on."

A Telewest spokesman told the paper that Living TV was
supposed to finish at midnight to be replaced by TVX,
but Most Haunted went on until 12.30am.

Weird News is a daily feature of Purehumour...it contains
a previously published News Report. If you find an article
that you wish to see here..please send the article, name of
the publication and date to:
<a href=" mailto:news@;paulsfunhouse.com ">News</a>
IF you like Weird News...subscribe to my weekly ezine of
Weird News Weekly:
<a href=" http://lists.paulsfunhouse.com ">Lists</a>

With four daughters and one son always dashing to school activities
and part-time jobs, our schedule was hectic. To add to this, we kept
running out of household supplies. I instructed them all to let me
know when they used the last of any item by writing it down on a
note pad on the refrigerator.

As a reminder, I wrote at the top: "IF WE ARE OUT OF IT, WRITE IT

When I checked the pad a few days later, to my delight I found the
following message:

-------------------------QUICK WIT-------------------------------

[||||] A N G E L C A K E W A L K [||||]

The Anaheim CA Angels copped the World Series Troph from the Frisco
Giants in a 4-1 seventh game, sending the Baghdad By The Bayer's back to
Fogville empty handed. (LAD10/28)

In a rare display of largess, team owner Mike "Shark Eyes" Eisner
promised not to sell the team until after the victory parade.

Copyright 2002 by Bob Mills, all rights reserved.

Bill was taking a flight to New York. He boards the plane, finds his seat
and settles in, but does not fasten his seatbelt. The flight attendant comes
down the aisle and see Bill's unfastened seatbelt and says, "Sir, you need
to fasten your seatbelt for takeoff."

Macho Bill says, "Not necessary to do that, Superman doesn't need a

"Superman," the flight attendant said, "doesn't need an airplane either."


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--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------

Priceless Kids
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Lets Say You COULD Get It Up. . Then What
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Cigarette Sex
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Women Are Not Supposed To
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Lets Help The Kid Up
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---------DUMB CROOK OF THE DAY AWARD---------

LUBBOCK, Texas; It was a decision worthy of Larry,
Moe, and Curly themselves.

A Lubbock, Texas, man admitted to creating an identity
theft and money-laundering scheme using the name of the
Three Stooges fictional law firm, Dewy Cheetum and Howe.

The joke became his undoing, however, when a bank
executive became suspicious.

Patrick Penker pleaded guilty Monday to stealing $1
million from casinos and credit card companies over the
past four years.

He used fake identities to get more than 100 lines of
credit from credit card companies and casinos.

One of his fake names turned out to be a knuckle-headed
idea, however. Penker, under the alias Alvin Cheatham,
incorporated a company called DC&H Inc., in Nevada, and
used various combinations of the name Dewey, Cheatham
and Howe.

John Reed, a bank vice president at American State Bank
in Lubbock saw a request for a money order from Penker,
and became suspicious.

"It did seem just a bit unusual for a company name,"
Reed told the Lubbock Avalanche-Journal Monday.
"Evidently, he fooled a lot of people."

Reed brought his concerns to authorities, and the FBI
launched an investigation into the accounts, eventually
freezing scores of accounts controlled by Penker and
arresting him in Bella Vista, Texas, in March.

Penker faces up to 40 years in prison.


The Ajax man, the Maytag man and Mr. Clean are all bachelors.

And that, my friends, is proof that women prefer men who talk dirty!


That's NOT Funny!
by Lynette

I have got the best friends in all of explored space. Wow.
And not just in "real" life, I'll have you know. I'm talking
about the multitude of friends I have found on the net,
that is, my fellow humor writers.

I am fortunate to belong to two humor-writing groups. Between them
and my friends in 3-D Land, I KNOW I am far luckier than Lou Gehrig
could ever claim to be. I put out a plea, describing completely
unfunny personal problems, which sounded basically along the lines
of Lucy Ricardo wailing Waaaah and I was inundated with responses.

As Gomer Pyle would say, "Thank ye, thank ye, thank ye!"

The underlying problem I was facing was how to write funny when I
didn't feel funny. The general consensus was: fake it `til you
make it. It's very hard to write funny when the situation itself
is unfunny.

Take September 11 for one example. A few weeks before the
anniversary, the question went out: how should comedians treat the
subject? Is one year long enough? Is the wound still too raw or is
okay to laugh now? It's pretty hard to find something funny about
all of those innocent victims and their families and other loved
ones. That part of it will never be funny. So instead, we try to
laugh at what we can.

Diets suck. Can you imagine the people who died that day with only
a Slim-Fast shake and a rice cake on their stomachs? Moral: Eat
desert first.

Flying skills: Where did these guys get their flight training?
Florida? Makes sense considering how they drive down there.

Religion. These yahoos claimed to be serving Allah and chose to die
as martyrs to the Cause. I guess that's why they hung out at strip
clubs and got drunk before they committed suicide.

See? It's possible. How many jokes were made about Kool-Aid after
the Jonestown massacre? How about the shame and disgrace of President
Nixon resigning? Only in this country could that be turned into a
comedic career. Where would Bill Cosby be without the tails of how
he tormented his brother, Russell? What would Phyllis Diller talk
about if she didn't have Fang and dreamed of an oven that flushed?
Where would we be if Erma Bombeck had felt fulfilled by housework?

Angst can be funny but it ain't easy. Sometimes the laughter is not
because of the humor but more so out of relief: I'm not the ONLY one
who went through that or feels this way!

Perspective is essential. I'll never forget the first time I went
to a counselor. "Tell me about yourself," he said. "Everyone says
I'm too sensitive," I replied. He asked for examples. I told him
some of different childhood memories that resulted in me being in
tears and declarations from various family members that the problem
was me being "too sensitive." My counselor said, "You're not too
sensitive. They're just too damn mean!" Whew!

The Mary Tyler Moore show voted as the overwhelming favorite of all
time has always been the one dealing with the death and subsequent
funeral of Chuckles the Clown. That must have been a hard pitch.
"You see, this guy dies and everybody except Mary thinks it's funny."
However, it worked. It was truly one of the funniest shows in the
history of television.

So yes, you can laugh, even when it's not funny. It might take a
little effort but friends can help.


Lynette is the writer and creator of the website: www.lynetteisfunny.com.
She lives in Bend, Oregon with her husband and two children. Her family is
the main comedy source for her column although she is not above making up
something just to be funny. Email Lynette at [EMAIL PROTECTED]

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