Viagra
------

Esta é comprida porque... bem, você pode imaginar por que.
Atenção: use Viagra com responsabilidade. Tenha sempre um(a)
parceiro(a) jé escolhid(o). Avise seu(ua) parceiro(a) que
você está tomando uma droga que mexe com a cabeça. Não
dirija quando usar Viagra - você pode não conseguir virar a
direção ou pisar acidentalmente no pedal errado. E, o mais
importante, vá ao banheiro ANTES que ele faça efeito!


COMO SABER SE O VIAGRA ESTÁ FUNCIONANDO

No trabalho chamam você de espiritualista porque quando você
senta numa reunião a mesa flutua.

Seu rosto fica pálido por causa da falta de sangue.

Quando você entra na sauna todo mundo aplaude. Chamam você
de "tripé".

Você começa a achar sua sogra sexy.

Ao tomar sol pelado de pé: os pássaros usam-no como poleiro.

Ao tomar sol pelado deitado: você parece um relógio solar.

Todos no banco, no mercado, etc... deixam você passar na
frente da fila.

Comparado a você, Pinóquio até que nem parece um mentiroso.

Você pode escrever na areia sem achar um pedaço de pau.

Você gosta de dormir de costas, portanto teve que mandar
tirar o ventilador de teto.

Viagra Lite: para aqueles que só querem se masturbar.

---------------

As piadas a seguir estão no original. Traduzi-las tiraria
muito de sua graça.

---------------


                     DIARY OF A VIAGRA HOUSEWIFE

   Dear Diary:

Day 1
   Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to
   celebrate. When it came time to reenact our wedding night, HE
   locked himself in the bathroom and cried.

Day 2
   Today he says he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, he
   says, and he wants me to be the first to know. (Why doesn't he
   tell me something I DON'T know!) I mean, gimme a break. He's been
   dysfunctional for so long, he even WALKS with a limp.

Day 3
   This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday, I saw a
   picture of the Washington Monument and burst into tears.

Day 4
   A miracle has happened! There's a new drug on the market that will
   fix his "problem." It's called Viagra. I told him that if he takes
   Viagra, things will be just like they were on our wedding night.
   He said, "this time, I'd rather not have your mother join us."
   (I think this will work. I replaced his Prozac with the Viagra,
   hoping to lift something other than his mood.)

Day 7
   This Viagra thing has gone to his head. (No pun intended).
   Yesterday, at Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like a
   Whopper. He thought they were talking about him. GET OVER
   YOURSELF! Not everything is about you!

Day 10
   I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of
   mowing the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed whacker.

Day 11
   Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so
   much.  And to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down
   with Hard Cider! The photo of Janet Reno isn't working. What am I
   gonna do?

Day 12
   The side effects are starting to get to him. Everything is turning
   blue. The other day, we were watching Kenneth Branaugh in Hamlet
   and he thought it was The Smurfs Do Denmark.

Day 13
   I'm basically being drilled to death. It's like going out with
   Black and Decker.

Day 15
   I wish he was gay. I bought 400 Liza Minelli albums and I keep
   saying "fabulous" and still he keeps coming after me!

Day 16
   Now I know how Saddam Hussein's wife feels. Every time I shut my
   eyes, there's a sneak attack! It's like going to bed with a scud
   missile. Let's hope he's like President Bush and pulls out in 100
   days.

Day 17
   I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even
   started dressing like a nun. Now he tells me sister Wendy revs his
   motor.

Day 20
   I may just have to kill him. Then he'll go out the way he wants
   to: Stiff. With my luck, I won't be able to close the casket!



                        TOP 10 VIAGRA SLOGANS

   10. "Viagra. The quicker dicker upper"
    9. "Here's the beef!"
    8. "Get a piece of the rock"
    7. "Just do her"
    6. "You've come a long way, baby"
    5. "Viagra, it plumps when you take 'em"
    4. "Tastes great, more filling"
    3. "Viagra, built ram tough"
    2. "Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman"

     and the Number 1 Viagra Slogan...

    1. "This is your penis. This is your penis on Viagra.
        Any questions?"



                    THE NEW VIAGRA CD SONG TITLES

  The new Viagra promotional CD is now available in a record store
  near you.  These are the titles from on new outstanding album:

      1) I am a Rock                    - Paul Simon

      2) Suddenly                       - B. Ocean

      3) A Hard Days Night              - The Beatles

      4) Please [Me] Mr. Postman

      5) Can't Buy Me Love              - The Beatles
         (Now you can)

      6) Do That To Me One More Time    - Captain and Tenille

      7) Everlasting Love               - The Bee Gees

      8) Take Me Out To The Ballgame

      9) Let Your Love Flow             - L. E. Williams

     10) Girls Just Want To Have Fun    - Cindy Lauper

     11) Longer                         - Dan Fogelberg

     12) No Ordinary Love               - Sade

     13) Help Me Make It Through the Night

     14) Love Takes Time                - Mariah Carey
         (about an hour - according to Pfizer)

     15) The Power of Love              - Celine Dion

     16) The Things We Do For Love      - 10CC

     17) We've Only Just Begun          - Paul Williams

     18) Have You Never Been Mello      - Kris Kristofferson

     19) When I'm 64                    - The Beatles

         and a bonus track:

     20) Bad Medicine                   - Jon Bon Jovi

--

[],
1.000ton
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