Dear Abby: Should I Be Honest?

I am facing a very serious problem. You see, I am a Vietnam-era
deserter from the U. S. Marines, and I have a cousin who works for
Microsoft. My mother peddles Nazi literature to Girl Scouts and my
father (a former dentist) is in jail for 30 years for molesting most
of his patients while they were under anesthesia.

The sole supports of our large family, including myself and my
$500-a-week heroin habit, are my uncle (master pick-pocket, Benny "The
Fingers"), my 70-year-old aunt Hester (a shoplifter), and my two kid
sisters, who are well-known streetwalkers.

My problem is this:   I have just gotten engaged to the most
beautiful, sweetest girl in the world.  She is just sweet sixteen, and
we are going to marry as soon as she can escape from reform school.

To support ourselves, we are going to move to Mexico and start a fake
Aztec souvenir factory staffed by child labor. We look forward to
bringing our kids into the family business.

But I am worried that my family will not make a good impression on
hers. In your opinion, Should I, or shouldn't I, tell her about my
cousin who works for Microsoft?


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