> >>Star Trek
> >>
> >>"What if Data (from "Star Trek, The Next Generation") were Microsoft
> >>Windows(tm) compatible?"
> >>
> >>WORF: Captain, there are three Romulan warships uncloaking dead ahead.
> >>
> >>PICARD: On screen.
> >>
> >>The main viewing screen changes to a pattern of horizontal lines, each 
> >>only
> >>a single pixel wide.
> >>
> >>PICARD: Data, what's wrong here?
> >>
> >>DATA: Captain, the main viewscreen does not have sufficient video memory 
> >>to
> >>display an image of this size. May I suggest that you select a lower
> >>resolution?
> >>
> >>PICARD: Make it so.
> >>
> >>The screen blanks, and then an image appears, with big, blocky square
> >>pixels. Three objects appear in the center, which could be Romulan
> >>warbirds, but which actually look more like the aliens in Space Invaders.
> >>
> >>PICARD: Data, open a hailing channel to the Romulans.
> >>
> >>DATA: Aye, sir.
> >>
> >>Data picks up an hourglass from the floor beside him, turns it over, and
> >>places it on the console in front of him. He punches some buttons on the
> >>console and sits motionless for several seconds. A flash of light
blossoms
> >>from one of the Romulan ships on the viewscreen.
> >>
> >>WORF: Incoming plasma torpedo, Captain!
> >>
> >>PICARD: Shields up!
> >>
> >>DATA: I'm sorry, Captain, but I am still attempting to complete your last
> >>instruction. I must ask you to wait until I have finished before you
issue
> >>your next command.
> >>
> >>PICARD: What on earth do you mean? Data, this is important! I want those
> >>shields up right now.
> >>
> >>DATA: I'm sorry, Captain, but I am still attempting to complete your last
> >>instruction. I must ask you to wait until I have finished before you
issue
> >>your next command.
> >>
> >>LAFORGE: Allow me, captain. [to Data] Control-alt-delete, Data.
> >>
> >>Data removes the hourglass from the console, and returns it to the floor.
> >>
> >>DATA: The Romulans are not responding to my hails. Press my nose to
cancel
> >>and return to Windows. Pull my left ear to close this communications
> >>channel which is not responding. You will lose any information sent by
the
> >>Romulans.
> >>
> >>LaForge pulls Data's left ear.
> >>
> >>PICARD: Shields...
> >>
> >>There is a tremendous explosion. The bridge shakes violently, and all the
> >>crew members are thrown to the floor. A shower of sparks erupts from 
> >>Wesley
> >>Crusher's station at the helm, throwing Wesley back away from the
console.
> >>
> >>PICARD: ...Up, Data!
> >>
> >>DATA: Aye, sir.
> >>
> >>RIKER: All decks, damage report!
> >>
> >>WORF: Captain, Ensign Crusher is injured. He appears to be unconscious.
> >>
> >>Data picks up the hourglass again, places it on his console, and punches
> >>some more buttons. He waits a few seconds, then puts the hourglass back
on
> >>the floor.
> >>
> >>DATA: Shields are now up, captain.
> >>
> >>PICARD: And not a moment too soon. Worf, lock all phasers on the lead
> >>Romulan ship.
> >>
> >>WORF: Aye, sir. He punches buttons on the weapons console.
> >>
> >>PICARD: Mr. Data, take the helm, and prepare for evasive action.
> >>
> >>DATA: I am sorry, sir, but I do not have the proper device driver 
> >>installed
> >>for that console.
> >>
> >>PICARD: Well, damn it, install the right one.
> >>
> >>DATA: Please insert Setup Implant 1 in my right nostril.
> >>
> >>PICARD: Number One, where do we keep Data's setup implants?
> >>
> >>RIKER: I left them with Geordi.
> >>
> >>LAFORGE: [in a surprised voice] What!!? I thought you still had them!
> >>
> >>PICARD: Data, don't you have device drivers stored in your internal 
> >>memory?
> >>
> >>DATA: Not found, sir. Please insert Setup Implant 1 in my right nostril.
> >>
> >>PICARD: Data, I don't have Setup Implant 1.
> >>
> >>DATA: Not ready reading right nostril. Abort, Retry, Fail?
> >>
> >>PICARD: Abort!
> >>
> >>DATA: Not ready reading right nostril. Abort, Retry, Fail?
> >>
> >>PICARD: Well, fail, then!
> >>
> >>DATA: Current nose is no longer valid.
> >>
> >>Data walks over to the helm, and presses several buttons. The ship 
> >>lurches,
> >>the images of the Romulan warships suddenly shift to one side of the
> >>viewscreen, and a high-pitched whining noise is heard coming from 
> >>somewhere
> >>else in the ship.
> >>
> >>LAFORGE: [alarmed] Data, what the hell are you doing?
> >>
> >>PICARD: Number One, do we have a customer service number for Data?
> >>
> >>RIKER: Yes sir, but last time I tried to call them, I got put on hold for
> >>two hours before I was able to talk to anyone. And that person wasn't
> >>knowledgeable about androids of Data's model. She specialized in 
> >>industrial
> >>control robots.
> >>
> >>Suddenly, the lights all go out, the viewscreen goes blank, and all the
> >>usual noise of fans, motors, and so on whines to a halt. After a few
> >>seconds, the red emergency lights come on. Data is standing by the 
> >>console,
> >>absolutely motionless.
> >>
> >>PICARD: What's going on?
> >>
> >>LAFORGE: [checking the helm console] Lieutenant Data has caused a General
> >>Protection Violation in the warp engine core.
> >>
> >>PICARD: These androids look really sharp, but you can't really do
anything
> >>with them.
> >>
> >>The shimmer of the transporter effect appears, and six Romulans in full
> >>battle dress materialize on the bridge. A seventh figure, a Ferengi,
> >>appears moments later.
> >>
> >>FERENGI: [with a mercenary grin] Can I interest you in a Macintosh,
> >>Captain?
> >

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