Desculpem, mas esta tem que ser em inglês mesmo!

Dear Signor Diretorre

Now I am tella you the story how I was treated at your hotella.  I am
comma
from Palermo as tourist to London and stay as younga man to yourhotella.

When I comma in my room I see is no shit in my bed.  How can I sleep
with no
shit in my bed?  I calla down the recepcione and tella: "I wanna shit".
They tell me: "Go to the toillett".  I say: "No, no, I wanna shit in my
bed".  They say: "You betta not shit in your bed, you sonnawabitch". 
What
is sonnawabitch?

I go down for ristorante for breakfast.  I order bacon and eggs and two
pisses of toast.  I getta only one piss of toast. I tella waitress and
pointa of toast: "I wanna piss".  She tella me: "Go to the toillett".  I
say: "No, no, I wanna piss on my plate".  She then say to me: "You
bloody
fella not piss on the plate, you sonnawabitch".  Second person who do
not
even know me and calla me sonnawabitch!  What is sonnawabitch!?

Later I go for dinner into ristorante. Spoon and knife is laid out but
no
fock.  I tella waitress: "I wanna fock" and she tella me: "Sure
everybody
wanna fock".  I tella her: "No, no, you don't understand me.  I wanna
fock
on the table".  She then tella me: "So you sonnawabitch, wanna fock on
the
table?  Get your ass out of here".

So I go to the recepcione and ask for the billa.  I no wanna stay int
his
hotella no more. When I have pay the billa, the porter say to me: 
"Thank
you, and peace on you".  I say: "Piss on you too, you sonnawabitch".

I go back to Italy! I never more comma stay in your hotella, you
sonnawabitch.

Sincerely,

Enrico Morelli

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