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Ogy and I had a bad day

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From: Krazymusik

<HTML>My sympathies to you, having to deal with your son's teeming emotions.  Maybe if I share, you'll better be able to understand and deal. :)

I was his same age when my tumor was that same size, although I didn't know it existed at the time.  And although my relationship with my mom had been smooth for most of my life, we absolutely could not get along at all during the entire year I was 17.  Granted, part of it was that I had an older boyfriend (my husband now) and she didn't want to let go of me (she's always been a bit of a control freak, and borderline emotionally abusive, a result of my father being physically abusive and a philanderer), but there was definitely something more.  We would get into screaming matches about nothing and my head would start to feel like it would explode.  Most of our fights ended with me crying in my room, not from the fight but because my head HURT!  I've since come to the realization that my hormones were going insane at the time because of the tumor, so my emotions were on a wild rollercoaster, and also I had killer headaches that put me in a bad mood, then they'd worsen under emotional distress. 

I moved out the instant I turned 18, and the headaches lessened slightly for awhile (I think it's because I wasn't under the extreme emotional stress I'd been under with my mom).  Then 7 months later I woke up with the worst headache of my life and tunnel vision, which was how they found my tumor and my life fell apart for awhile!

My own initial reaction to my tumor wasn't so much anger as it was fear.  I clung to my husband (fiance at the time) rather than attack him, although I can completely understand why some people do lash out at those around them.

Since then, I have come to believe my husband is an angel (although he can definitely be a punk too!) because I can lash out at him pretty badly when I'm feeling frustrated over the tumor or just not feeling well because of hormone fluctuations.  I'm constantly amazed that he has stuck with me through all of this!  When you're feeling angry at the way your tumor has changed your life, or just feeling somehow "not right" (unbalanced hormones can cause a very unbalanced feeling!), it's just not feasible to start punching the tumor or karate chopping at your hormones! :)  So we do tend to lash out at those around us, which of course, are the very people who love us most and are closest to us during this whole mess! 

I really don't want to make you feel like you're facing an inevitable rocky relationship, but I do hope you can feel better by reminding yourself that he's really angry at the tumor, not at you, and honestly, a lot of his anger and crazy emotions aren't even really his- they're a direct result of the hormone deficiencies and flooding caused by the tumor.

I wish you luck and I'm sending you a prayer to be able to stay strong through all of this!  Unfortunately, these tumors don't only affect us as patients, they change the lives of everyone around us. :(  But you sound like a wonderfully strong mother who knows her son very well, so I'm sure you'll both come out victorious in the end! :)

PS.  My relationship with my mother is perfectly fine now.   :) We visit and talk often.

Maria Ramey
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