October 14, 2016
The War We Are (Really) In
Christopher Manion

Government news networks are reporting that the government is planning a cyber-attack on Russia. Of course, this is a perpetuation of the trope that Russia is behind the devastating leaks revelations regarding the Democratic primaries, the Clinton campaign, the Obama transition team in 2008, and so much more. The veracity of the downloads is really beyond reproach, but so is the ferocity of the response.

And what is that response?

Well. We have been reading about how the campaign is nip and tuck, blah blah blah. But we are soon going to learn the truth–that Hillary is sick, Michelle is a flop, and the only way Hillary Clinton is going to win in November is by starting a war.

Now my friends who analyze Russian Affairs with care are quick to say that it is Mr. Putin who is using threats of war to unite his population amidst an increasingly unpopular regime, and so on.

That may be so. Their point is, it works.

And, as Senate Majority Leader Howard Baker, Republican of Tennessee, used to say, ”that door swings both ways.”

Let’s face it. Whatever the virtues or vices of Donald Trump, the Clinton campaign is not coalescing. It is as lame and unsteady as the candidate herself. But imagine what a joy it would be for her to be waiting with her doctors in the wings as a nice little war breaks out.

Now some pundits tell us that Donald Trump is running a campaign on fear and hate. Ah, my friends, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet. Wait until the HillObama war. There you will find hatred without peer, and fear without equal.

Suddenly, since even Joe Biden winks as he implies that the American attack on Russia – an act of war, by the way –will be digital in nature, we can assume that the government – our government, that is – will tell us that Russians will respond in kind. Suddenly, while our government media stay on the air, and millionaire athletes suddenly stand up before football games on national television – oh my goodness – we will hear that the Internet is down! – all on account of those goddamned Russians!

Quickly, DHS Will soothingly urge us to stay calm, that they are ”checking everything out” before the Internet is back up running hundred percent, but everything should be fine in order for families to be together again around the family Thanksgiving table.

And of course DHS will quickly move to take control of the elections in 3300 counties and countless cities, towns, municipalities – after all, you know their motto – “Grope, but be prepared!”

In one minute aspect, this scenario is correct: we are at war.

And I’m writing it now because, in the spirit of Tom Lehrer, “if we’re going to write any songs about World War Three, we’d better write them now.”

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