From: Travis
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From: Chuck Shepherd
Date: Sun, Jan 18, 2009
Subject: News of the Weird, January 18, 2009
WEIRDNUZ.M093 (News of the Weird, January 18, 2009)
by Chuck Shepherd
Copyright 2009 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
Lead Story
* "Genetic modification" sounds like frighteningly complicated lab
work, but amateurs are routinely doing it in garages and dining
rooms across the country, according to a December Associated
Press report. Hobbyists (some terming themselves "biohackers")
are busy creating new life forms and some day, observers say, may
turn up a cure for cancer or an accidental environmental
catastrophe. The community lab DIYbio in Cambridge, Mass., has
patrons who typically work on vaccines and biofuels, but might
also whimsically create tattoos that glow. One amateur bought
jellyfish DNA containing a green fluorescent protein (for about
$100), and built a DNA analyzer (less than $25), so she could alter
yogurt bacteria to glow green when it detects melamine (the
substance recently discovered in deadly Chinese baby formula and
pet food). [Portsmouth (N.H.) Herald News-AP, 1-2-09]
Compelling Explanations
* As the British government was poised in November to re-classify
lap-dancing clubs from "entertainment" to "sexual encounter
establishments" (thus imposing tougher licensing standards), the
industry's trade association insisted to a Parliamentary committee
that the clubs are not sexual. "[T]he entertainment may be in the
form of nude . . . performers, but it's not sexually stimulating," said
the chairman of the Lap Dancing Association. That would be
"contrary to our business plan." [The Guardian, 11-26-08]
* Not My Fault: (1) Bruce George, 20, admitted to police that he
had molested a 6-year-old girl in Anchorage, Alaska, in October
but said he needed to do it to acquire the courage to kill himself.
He said he needed motivation for suicide by doing something that
totally disgusted him. (2) In October, a man unnamed in news
reports filed a lawsuit in Selkirk, Manitoba, against the woman
who supposedly caused him mental distress by suing for child
support. The man said he had been sound asleep during that 2006
encounter but awoke to discover the woman having sex with him.
He ordered her to "cease and desist," he said, and she complied
(but nonetheless, a pregnancy resulted). [Anchorage Daily News,
10-8-08] [Edmonton Sun-Canadian Press, 10-7-08]
Ironies
* Karma: A few animals were rescued from an early-morning fire
at a Humane Society shelter in Oshawa, Ontario, in December, but
cats suffered heavy casualties, with nearly 100 perishing. The Fire
Marshal's office said the blaze was probably started by mice
chewing through electrical wires. [Toronto Star, 12-19-08]
* Drunk-Driving News: (1) Kathleen Cherry, 53, was arrested for
DUI in Carson City, Nev., in December. She is a phlebotomist
working on contract with the sheriff's office and was driving to the
jailhouse to administer a blood test to a DUI suspect. (2) Stephen
Foster, 28, was jailed briefly in June in Edmonton, Alberta, when
he showed up in court drunk for his DUI trial. The driving charge
was postponed until December, and at that time a court found him
not guilty. [KUSA-TV-AP (Denver), 12-7-08] [The Record
(Kitchener, Ont.)-Canadian Press, 12-3-08]
* In December, Lorraine Henderson, the port director for the
federal Customs and Border Protection agency's southern New
England area, was charged with hiring illegal immigrants to clean
her home and instructing them how to avoid detection by her
agency. According to court documents, she told one worker, "You
have to be careful, 'cause they [meaning, her agency] will deport
you." [Reuters, 12-6-08]
The Litigious Society
* Elizabeth Shelton, 21, filed a lawsuit in Houston, Tex., in
December against the truck driver that she accidentally rear-ended
in a 2007 crash, while she was intoxicated, and in which her
boyfriend was killed. Though she was convicted of manslaughter,
she is now suing for $20,000 damage to her Lexus SUV and for
"pain and suffering," basing her claim on the fact that the
blameless driver she hit was uninsured. In all, her lawsuit names
16 defendants, including insurance companies and banks. Shelton
is the daughter of a state court judge. [Houston Chronicle, 12-18-
08]
* In November, Michigan state circuit court judge Robert
Colombo, Jr., almost single-handedly quashed thousands of
apparently-bogus lawsuits for asbestos-related injuries by exposing
the principal examining doctor as unqualified. Dr. Michael Kelly
had diagnosed injuries on 7,323 patients' x-rays over 15 years
(earning $500 per screening), which in one sampling was 58 times
the abnormality-detection rate of independent radiologists. Judge
Colombo found that Kelly is neither a radiologist nor a
pulmonologist, had failed the certification test for reading x-rays,
and performed lung-function tests improperly 90 percent of the
time. On the day Judge Colombo commenced the investigation of
Dr. Kelly, plaintiffs' attorneys, realizing they had been busted,
promptly withdrew all of their lawsuits except one. [Wall Street
Journal, 11-10-08, 12-23-08]
* Poor Babies! (1) Two customers who lined up for the 5 a.m.
November "Black Friday" opening at the Long Island, N.Y., Wal-
Mart (in which a worker was crushed to death) filed lawsuits
against the store because of the crowd's unruliness. Fritz
Mesadieu, 51, and son Jonathan, 19, said they got neck and back
pain from the surge of customers and that their medical and legal
expenses amounted to at least $2 million. (2) More than 130
lawsuits were filed in November and December by inmates at a
state prison in Beaumont, Tex., who claimed to suffer
psychological trauma because prison officials failed to prepare
them well for Hurricane Ike, which hit the city in September.
[CNN, 12-2-08] [Beaumont Enterprise, 12-12-08]
Least Competent Criminals
* Questionable M.O.'s: (1) Jessica Cohen, 20, was re-arrested in
Cincinnati in December. She had gone to the local Public
Defender's Office seeking a lawyer to represent her on a theft
charge, and while there, according to police, stole an employee's
cell phone. (However, she had already filled out paperwork with
her name and address.) (2) Robert Dendy, 59, was detained by
police in Tonawanda, N.Y., in November after he dropped by
police headquarters to give them a holiday wreath as a token of his
gratitude for their service. One of the officers happened to notice
that the wreath was the same one that had just been stolen from a
market next door to the station, and after investigating, found more
suspicious missing goods at Dendy's home. [Cincinnati Enquirer,
12-3-08] [Tonawanda News, 11-23-08]
Recurring Themes
* Poor at Multitasking: (1) In Britain's Manchester Crown Court in
December, Imran Hussain, 32, was sentenced to eight years in
prison for his DUI-related crash that killed two people in August.
(Hussain was also masturbating at the time.) (2) Louise Light, 21,
was not hurt when she crashed into guideposts in Woodstock,
Ontario, in November, but she did get milk all over her because she
was eating cereal from a bowl while driving. [BBC News, 12-8-08]
[Canadian Press, 11-21-08]
The Joys of Air Travel
* (1) In December, a Flybe Airline flight from Cardiff, Wales, was
preparing to land as scheduled at Charles de Gaulle airport in Paris
when the pilot announced that they had to return to Cardiff
because, he said, "Unfortunately, I'm not qualified to land the plane
in Paris." Because of the heavy fog, the plane would have to be
instrument-landed, and the pilot had not yet completed
certification. (2) In September, after a Chinese Shandong airline
flight landed safely in Zhengzhou, the engine died, and the airline
was forced to enlist some of the 69 passengers to help employees
push the plane to the gate. [USA Today-Metro (London), 12-18-
08] [Daily Mail (London), 9-27-08]
A News of the Weird Classic (July 2005)
* Willie Windsor, 54, of Phoenix, Ariz., has for several years lived
as a full-time baby, wearing frilly dresses, diapers, and bonnets,
sucking on a pacifier, eating Gerber cuisine, and habitually
clutching a rag doll, in a home filled with oversized baby furniture.
According to a long Phoenix New Times profile in June, the diaper
is not just a prop. Windsor said he worked hard to learn to become
incontinent, even chaining the commode shut to avoid temptation,
and the reporter admitted feeling "disconcert[ed]" that Windsor
might be relieving himself at the very moment he was describing
his un-toilet training. Apparently, Windsor's brother, ex-wife,
girlfriend, and a neighbor tolerate his lifestyle (though no girlfriend
has yet been willing to change his diapers). Windsor is a semi-
retired singer-actor and said he's been celibate for 9 years.
[Phoenix New Times, 6-9-05]
Thanks This Week to Tom Barker, Gil Nelson, David
Melcher, Ian Pert, Dave Abdoo, Stephen Taylor, Tamara Mills,
Kurt Knochel, Cody LaRocque, Bob Pert, and Sandy Pearlman,
and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
* * * * *
Visit Chuck Shepherd daily at
http://www.WeirdUniverse.net <http://www.weirduniverse.net/> (or
www.NewsoftheWeird.com <http://www.newsoftheweird.com/>) or
mail [email protected] / P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL
33629.
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