Wouldn't It Be Great?
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« *on:* *Yesterday* at 09:30:25 PM »
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WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR THE NEXT AMERICAN
PRESIDENT GIVE FOLLOWING SPEECH?
'My Fellow Americans:
Since Congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our
mission
in Iraq is complete.This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American
forces from
Iraq . This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to
begin the
reckoning.Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries
which have
stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short . The
United Kingdom
, Spain , Bulgaria , Australia , and Poland are some of the countries
listed there.
The other list contains every one not on the first list. Most of the
world's
nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies
of both
lists later this evening.Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those
nations
on List 2 ceases indefinitely. The money saved during the first year
alone will
pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war. THEN EVERY YEAR
THEREAFTER It'll GO
TO OUR SOCIAL SECURITY SYSTEM SO IT WONT GO BROKE IN 20 YEARS.The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world
Hell holes
and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption. Need help with a famine ? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France .In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this
money toward
solving the vexing social problems we still have at home.On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we
will hunt
you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France or maybe China .I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France
, and
Russia . Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO
as well.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN
diplomatic
vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets
to sites
where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't
care about
whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of
unpaid tickets.
Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and
limos be turned
over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.A special note to our neighbors: Canada is on List 2. Since we are
likely to
be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not
pissing us off
for a change.Mexico is also on List 2. Its president and his entire corrupt
government really
need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple thousand extra tanks
and infantry
divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put 'em? Yep, border
security.
Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty -
starting now.
We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for
oil in
Alaska -which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to
come. If
you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to
List 2 above:
pick a country and move there.It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens.
Some
will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, 'darn tootin.'Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the
world
has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the
planet. It is
time to eliminate hunger in America . It is time to eliminate
homelessness in America
. To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thank you guys. We owe you
and we won't
forget.To the nations on List 2, a final thought : You might want to learn to
speak
Arabic. God bless America .. Thank you and good night.' If you can read this in English, thank a soldier.
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