Many thanks to all those who have written encouraging me to keep on participating here.
I have been pleasantly surprised by the qualities of messages on and off the list about this incident - so much depth of understanding and compassion. It breaks the popular idea that "geeks" are limited to understanding code and only caring about code. [I don't mean to describe any of us as being "geeks". Not the right description of course, just a crude abbreviation.] All your replies have made a huge difference to how I feel so I shall continue to post. I'll try hard to be aware of any bad energy coming on and not click Send. ____________________________________________________ I'm sure some people would prefer that this thread doesn't go on any more, not wanting this list to become a psych workshop or counselling group, as it's meant to be about PowerPro! but I think I should describe one aspect of this. Yes, when I realised what had happened, I felt so embarrassed and ashamed, I just wanted to run away and hide my face, but that wasn't the only reason for quitting. That episode was different from earlier events. Previously I've had mood swings, expressed too much passion, but about something real (I think). This time it was not just a disorder of feeling but of understanding reality. It was an awful shock when I realised that I had been so paranoid - after reading Alec's message proving that Brian Marcotte is real. So I checked my other "facts" and found that I was wrong to imagine that, just because Brian had (by an error of the moderators?) remained on the moderated list for new members (which is how we avoid spam), that doesn't mean he could not vote. So, Brian was telling the truth, David T was telling the truth, everybody was telling the truth except me. That is very different from getting too passionate about something real. It's scary. If I believed that fiction so surely at the time, how can I ever be sure in future! Can I learn to notice being in such a state and not believe my own beliefs? Not believing what I believe sounds logically impossible. Being let down by your best friend, if you discovered that (s)he had lied to you, would be an awful disappointment. Being lied to by yourself is worse. So it's not just embarassment that made me feel like quitting. Also a sudden loss of confidence in my own perception of reality. ________________________________________________________ However, that is now countered by several people writing that they can take what I write "with a pinch of salt"; can separate the wheat from the chaff. When my filter fails, there is still yours. Of course it's my reponsibilty not yours to notice if I start losing the plot, but if that fails I hope someone will email me and tell me firmly. My appologies again to those who prefer only discussing PowerPro here :-) Alan M ------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------~--> $9.95 domain names from Yahoo!. Register anything. http://us.click.yahoo.com/J8kdrA/y20IAA/yQLSAA/JV_rlB/TM --------------------------------------------------------------------~-> Attention: PowerPro's Web site has moved: http://www.ppro.org Yahoo! Groups Links <*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/power-pro/ <*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] <*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to: http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
