From: "Mira Fati" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
Subject: 15-tips for brothers talking about "Women in
Islam".
To: [EMAIL PROTECTED], "Amelia Aini"
<[EMAIL PROTECTED]>, "Yusuf Toropov"
<[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
Date: Tue, 28 Sep 2004 10:54:45 -0400
Subject: Re: [Islam_is_Peace] 15-tips for brothers
talking about "Women in Islam".
15-tips for brothers talking about "Women in Islam".
Whether it's Muslim scholars, brothers at the Muslim
Students' Association (MSA), or the average Jameel on
the street, Muslim men also have to deal with the
stereotypes and misperceptions about women in Islam.
Sadly, a number of brothers make the problem worse
without realizing it, instead of clarifying the issue.
This is rarely, if ever, done intentionally. However,
what's clear is that some guidelines are necessary for
brothers when talking about the issue of women in
Islam. Here are some suggested tips:
1. Let the sisters speak
No matter how well-spoken, eloquent or intelligent a
brother is, the bottom line is this: he is not a
Muslim woman.
That means no matter how much you, as a Muslim man
tell a non-Muslim woman how wonderful hijab is, it
will be harder for her to accept this because you have
never worn Hijab and you are not a woman.
Whenever possible, have sisters answer questions
pertaining to Islam and women.
2. Be careful of mixing up the ideal with the reality
One non-Muslim writer once remarked how when talking
to Muslims about Islam compared to the West, Muslims
take the ideal of Islam and compare it to the reality
of the West.
The fact of the matter is there are very ugly
realities when it comes to the treatment of women in
many parts of the world, including the Muslim world.
Muslims must recognize the reality of domestic
violence in the community, even though Islamic ideals
would never condone such ugly behavior.
3. Don't sacrifice speaking out against injustice in
the name of protecting Islam's "image"
"Tackle the issue and the image will take care of
itself," advises Sr. Kathy Bullock, a convert to Islam
based in California. Don't fall into the tendency to
ignore pressing issues for the sake of protecting
Islam's reputation.
In other words, if someone brings up the issue of
honor killing in Jordan, acknowledge the reality but
make it clear that this is a sin and a crime in Islam
and as a Muslim you condemn it. This in itself is
enough. Trying to justify or make excuses for it or
covering it up is not going to score image points for
Islam.
4. Don't respond to unspoken accusations
A number of times, Muslims automatically start an
apologetic tirade defending the status of women in
Islam before a person has even said a word. Let the
other person initiate questions, and answer calmly
and confidently. You may be responding to an
accusation that was never even in the person's mind in
the first place.
5. Ask WHY
Do this before launching an apologetic tirade against
any accusation. For instance, a man in Spain once
approached a scholar, saying he felt Islam was a man's
religion. Before rebutting him, the scholar asked him
why he thought this way. The man replied that whenever
he looked at mosques, he saw only men.
By knowing why, you can develop your answer
accordingly, and tackle the issue head-on in an honest
and direct way.
6. Agree with people as much as possible
Start off agreeing with a person. It will completely
turn the tables on the discussion, as many people
begin discussions on women in Islam assuming Muslims
are completely against the notion of women's rights.
7. If you don't know something SAY SO
If a person tells you they're from X country you've
never heard of and Muslim women are treated in a
horrible fashion what can you say about it?
I have never heard of that, and I don't know are
simple enough.
Don't start apologizing, or denying that it happens.
Tell the truth.
8. Don't be condescending
In Islam, looking down on a fellow human being is a
sin, whether the person is a male or a female. Don't
think you know all there is to know about women in
Islam, and don't speak in this manner either.
Allah does not love arrogance, and only Allah has full
knowledge of all things.
9. Don't interrupt
This is a problem in a number of cultures, men
interrupting women and other men when they speak. Not
only is this rude behavior, it takes away from your
message. People are less likely to listen to you if
you come across as a rude boorish individual. Don't do
this
to others, especially sisters.
10. Don't assume all Muslim sisters are the same
Just because your mom, who was born and brought up in
a Muslim country, and has never had a problem with
hijab does not mean that other Muslim sisters have the
same experience.
Muslim sisters are as different as brothers, as are
their experiences with issues like hijab.
11. Become more attuned to the "new Muslim woman"
Muslim sisters today are not the same as those of
yesterday. Many Muslims sisters know more, and they
prefer more interactive lectures as opposed to the
passive style normally used. If you're giving a
talk, be ready to have interjections from Muslim
sisters. Welcome these, don't shun them.
12. Choose your words very carefully
If you're doing a presentation on women's issues in
Islam or responding to a basic question, make sure to
choose your words extremely carefully. Know the exact
dictionary meaning, as well as the meaning in everyday
usage. Words are extremely powerful, and they leave an
imprint on the hearts and minds of people. You want
that imprint to be positive, so be careful.
13. Actions speak louder than words
You can speak beautifully about women in Islam but if
throughout the year, sisters have been denied access
to the prayer room, or the right to participate in
decision-making. Make sure your personal and
organizational behavior falls in line with your words.
14. Don't stereotype all Western women
"Table dancers" or "cheerleaders" is how one Muslim
sister described the way Muslims tend to stereotype
all Western women. Let's not forget: we hate it when
Muslim women are stereotyped as oppressed, so we
should not be doing the same to others.
And lest we forget, a growing number of Western women
are becoming our Muslim sisters, and very practicing
ones at that.
15. Seek women's perspective on issues
You know mom, who loves you so much and makes your
dinner? She's a woman. Your sister in school? She's a
woman. If you're blessed to be surrounded by
practicing Muslim sisters in your home, take advantage
of this by seeking their views on issues like hijab,
domestic violence, community participation, and media
stereotypes. There's nothing like hearing the truth
presented from those who truly live it.
026.083 "O my Lord! bestow wisdom on me,and join me
with the righteous;
026.085 And place me among the inheritors of the
Garden of Delight, (THE HOLY QUR'AN)
=====
Leo Imanov
Abdu-lLah
AllahsSlave
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